LL, I can certianly understand your frustration with H's seeminly unwillingness to MOVE. I'm pretty much in the same place and I'm having some thoughts of IS THIS WORTH IT??
We can't actually get an answer to that question, so we have to look at what we had and what we might have in the future and make an educated guess as to what direction to take.
Looks like you see pretty much all negative stuff right now. Has it always been like this LL?
Can you look back to a time where things were better and you were happy? I know when we're disgruntled and pesimistic it's hard to see that anything will ever be any different.
Since I'm kinda in that mode myself, I'd challenge you AND me to watch closely this month and see if there is any hint of change. Any steps taken that are postive ones.
If there is LL, then there is hope.
I guess from what I've read of your thread, you really don't WANT your M to end. If that's the case then continue to fight for it even when it's not really in you.
Quote: Looks like you see pretty much all negative stuff right now. Has it always been like this LL?
these are not the words of a waw..I repeat these are not the words of a clouded thinking waw....
yes things have pretty much always been like this....always exuses for falling asleep...always empty promises of just getting through a busy few fews...season...year...etc...I accepted it...believed it was all just a result of work...now knowing that he is capable of friendship of wanting to spend time with someone...it's rather hard to accept.
I wasn't as happy as I could be with the r before we married...when we married adjusted accepted...and got smacked in the face.
I'm not trying anymore...I'm not making suggestions any more...if h is content..he's content...there are no more words left for me to use to explain to him that I am not content but am also not looking for any major changes either...that with a few simple painless modifications we could both be more than content...for whatever reason h just doesn't want to give.
This is my year...I will still cook and clean because that is me that is what I like to do...I will still do nice things for h cause I just can't be mean..but I will no longer be waiting for him to come around and I will not always be available when he does!
This is my year...
I will go to the gym at least 3x a week if it doesn't work out with dd in the child care room then I'll go at night.
I will read more...
I will work on the art project I bought for dd's room...
I will make more plans with my friends both near and far
I will take more time to pamper myself...paint those nails funky colors, take a bubble bath etc....
LL, I'm so glad you have such a positive attitude saying this is YOUR year. It IS your year. You can claim it and make it whatever you want.
I've decided 2 years of anxiety and trying to control H is enough. I'm right there with ya, saying this is MY year too!
It doesn't really matter what happens with H cause I'm over the intense pain he's caused me.
I can thrive knowing I can live with or without him. I'm ready to ler go and see what happens. (with Mattie's help of couse!)
I start back to school this month and I'm really looking forwas to jumping in with both feel to get my nursing degree. It means more independence to me.
I have friends and family I want to spend more time with. I want to be comfortable with me. I want to be comfortable in my own house.
LL, I loved all the things you say your going to do so I'm hijacking your list if you don't mind!
Maybe, just maybe if we let go of our H's they will come back to us. I only want him if I'm what he REALLY wants. I'm not settling anymore.
a couple of friends came to hang with us for the new year..board games and fireworks..they left about 2am...h and I cleaned up a bit then I sat at the bar h dissapeared to the puter to check the weather (like the weather really friken matters at 2 am when you've already checked it twice in the evening) so I wasn't going to wait around and decided to go to sleep...didn't tell h I was going to sleep instead just slipped by and up the stairs not returning..I do believe it was about a 1/2 hr or so before he arrived in bed...I was half asleep and he questioned why I had gone up (well wtf?) I just said I was tired.
dd woke me at 5:30 am and I tried to get her back to sleep (sometimes it works) ended up half asleep on her bed, son woke and the two of them were playing h told them to go downstairs (I think he was under the impression I was downstairs already and they just went up to bug him) I went down with them...eventually h did get up but I stayed on the couch...he asked if I wanted tea..said sure but I'm not getting off the couch yet..he said well when you do the cat got sick...so with that I got up (and admittantly a bit peeved..wtf...clean it up you dumb ass just equate it to me mopping the damn mud you bring in with your boots or cooking for you or just be a decent human and mind you it's not like "sick" "sick" it's just a bit of her food that she spit out) cleaned it up and went upstairs to bed it was about 8...stayed there til 11 (WOW!!!) when I did get up of course it was time to clean up the house...clear away the toys and bring them back down to the play room (again) and vaccuum..do the dishes...sweep the floor etc...h took son to the harware store to buy a vent for the basement and returned to work on that all day long (and I do mean all day long) leaving for an hour to return the rented drill. One of my gf's came by to visit the kiddies and deliver a puter for my mom...we hung out with the kids and watched h drill the whole in the wrong place (I said nothing about what he was doing but thought it's a good thing we have extra siding in the garage!!!) made a comment "aren't you the handy home repair man" as h usually leaves such tasks for his dad or brother or anyone else who can do it...he of course had a negative comment "more like handy mess maker" "well that's how ya learn" was my reply (don't get excited folks our intereactions for the day pretty much end with that)
h came in to eat dinner...went back out to finnish after...I bathed dd and put her to bed...found son sort of lost...daddy was inside but wasn't son could hear him but couldn't find him (he was on the bulkhead stairs going in and out of the basement where the vent was)....eventually h finnished then came to the puter to of course check the freakin weather again...then took shower with son ( I was using his tv at the time cause the fire place down there is auto..just flip a switch as apposed to the fam room where I've got to bring in wood, nicer but not worth the effort if ya don't plan on staying awake) h did come down to his cave (I didn't plan on staying) and let me know son wanted a kiss goodnight...so I flipped the channel to football and off I went...returned only to smoke a butt and then went to the fam room to chill.
h is of course...asleep in his cave...
I watched eddie izzard : dressed to kill...a transvestite comedian...pretty funny...not something h could watch for long but I enjoyed it.
well now off to bed..of course I'll pop down there and say goodnight..doubt he'll move off the couch but whatever...easier for me to fall asleep if he's not there anyway.
so that's the life of LL with her content h who's happy to just live HIS life.
bil and sil gave us a gift cert for christmas that includes there baby sitting services...h said NOTHING about it...like "oh that's nice maybe we'll pick a night next week..or the week after"
I also got a gift cert a few weeks ago from the ambulance service to a resteraunt....h said nothing about that one either...
my gf that was here today while sitting at dinner (I made her stay and eat, well she was here and I didn't want her to just run off so made extra) asked if we had ever seen blue man group...I replied yes years ago..she asked when was the last time we did anything like that..I replied a while..she volunteered babysitting services for us to go out...she was trying to think of something for us to do and knowing that he likes football questioned how hard it would be to get tickets to the play off games ...I simply replied that h already has them and the other seat is bils...she then said well pick a night anyway..doesn't matter weeknight or weekend and I'll come watch the kids...h said...NOTHING!!!
are we getting the message here or what???
arrrrrggg!!
well folks...I know I have one gift cert that I'll use probably with my mom or gf...the other??? well I'll sit with it for a bit and if there's no mention of going anywhere I think I'll take gf to that one too!
just to be clear gf is girl friend..so no worries there.
LL, and you made me apologize for once calling your H "thick"!
Hello LL's H? Anybody home?
What if....what if...you arrange a night for gf to bbsit and tell H that you have a chance to get out for dinner and/or a movie on wednesday (or whatever).
I have a hunch the sooner to the date you tell him the better as if memory serves he's the king of "wait and see".
If he does play a "wait and see"...then take that night and go out WITH gf and have a great time while he watches the kiddos!
The more I think about this the more I like it...I'm feeling devilish tonight!
Here's the scenario, you have gf call or return a call to her while H is around. You ask while still on the phone with her if he wants to go out, free bbsitting! tomorrow night?
If he waffles or says no...chat with gf about YOU and she going out instead...say to H (while gf is still on the phone)..gf wants me to go to the movies/dinner, if you're not up for it...
