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Today was an emotional session with my C.

I told her I was letting go and doing my best to move on, and just got weepy. At least when I'm done crying I feel better about things.

I'm trying as best I can, but I feel like my heart is broken.

((hugs)) It's a hard rollercoaster to ride. How are you going with GAL? How is dropping the rope going?

I think it is going ok. I haven't contacted him or looked at my phone to see if he has contacted me.
I told my C that I need to do this for me.

Journaling---

Today has been a long day. Extremely long.
I've been on my butt on the couch since I got home from work.

I'm feeling kind of lonely, and I am missing the touch of a man. My H, to be exact.
I know that longing for him isn't going to do me much good so I am trying to push those thoughts from my mind.

Like I posted earlier, a lot of emotions at C today. My C thinks there is a reason why he hasn't answered me when I've asked him when he's coming to get the rest of his things, but she isn't sure what the reason is.

I'm pretty sure I know why. He's a procrastinator and he's lazy, that's why.

On Thursday marks 2 years since WLS for me, and I remember how anxious/scared/excited I was leading up to the date. My H was my biggest supporter.
He held my hand up until they brought me into the OR and my stepmother said he was very anxious the entire time I was having the procedure.
I remember waking up and wanting him, and he was right there.
He spent every night I was in the hospital with me. His bed was extremely uncomfortable but he never once complained.

It's amazing how things turn to sh*t.

No freaking kidding! And how quickly too.

DG, have you picked up "From Abandonment to Healing" by Susan Anderson? I highly recommend it.

"It's amazing how things turn to sh*t."

And how little control we really have over anything. I'm not a philosopher but this quote (Friedrich Nietzsche) is appropriate for everyone on this site:

"What does not kill me, makes me stronger."

I think of that quote often Telemark, because I firmly do believe it is true.

So far today is a better day. I really took some time to get ready for work today. I am wearing a nice dress, heels, and took the time to wear makeup.

If anything, it makes me feel better.

I tried the nice dress, heels and makeup, but I didn't feel any better.

Sure looked pretty, though.

I think I wrote about this earlier, but tomorrow is my 2 year surgiversary.
2 years since my gastric bypass surgery.
I've lost 155 lbs, and went from a size 26/28 to a size 11/12.

When I started losing weight and started to look better on the outside, I realized that my inside was still pretty ugly.
Now, with the help of my therapist, I feel like my inside is as equally beautiful as the outside.
It's amazing how much your perspective on everything changes when you have a better self esteem.

All the changes I've had to endure, especially in the first year, was very hard for me emotionally. Having to learn to rely on other things besides food was challenging, as well as being able to look at myself in the mirror and not see the old, fat me.
It reminds me that I had to go through quite a bit of an adjustment for a while before I achieved happiness, and the same could be said about the journey I am on now, with or without my M.
I can get through this, and I'll be ok.

These are the thoughts I've been thinking tonight, along with wondering what my chances are with Maroon 5 front man Adam Levine.
Good Lord that man is delicious.