Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Should I contact her?

Mornings are the hardest for me, too. They've gotten better, though, so there is hope.

Rooting for you, Lonely!

LR... back in the day when I was full on with trying to get my W to see "reason"... I'd send her emails and would get no response... then I'd send another and another and get maybe one response every three messages...

Finally, one day my W tells me that she didn't respond because... she had nothing to say... or she was thinking things out...

bah...

Good luck to you and if you don't get a response... don't think it's you... keep smilin!

Thank you dbmod, no answer yet. I don't know if it's a good or a bad thing, but I won't stay down waiting for the answer. I'm going to enjoy the weekend!

Cheers.

Hey Lonely,

What is on the agenda today, surfing, karate, cooking, world peace.....underwater basket weaving????

You sound like your head is in the right place.......

Keep this up......your heart and feelings will follow.

Cheers

Hi good people,

Without a response, I decided to send a clarifying text today, the one I sent yesterday was a bit vague.

I proposed that we can have some chats over Messenger, and after that we can meet somewhere to have a conversation, as there are many things she wants to tell me and that I want to hear.

She answered. That Messenger will be okay at some point, that she doesn't feel like meeting yet and asked what I meant with the things she wants to tell me and I want to hear. Then she said she wasn't ignoring my text, she was just thinking about it.

I answered back apologising about not explaining very well the meeting thing, that is was just an expression like 'I want to hear from you'. I also said that we can meet when we are both comfortable. Finally I asked if I was making sense, to leave the conversation open.

MHL, you are right, texting can be confusing for non-trivial things.

I feel that this round wasn't very good on my side. I sounded confusing and clinguy,right? But it's a first step and she kind of openened the Messenger option.

What are you guys opinions about what happened?

Thank you, regards.

MHL, by the way, I'm camping in a festival right now, writing this from a friend's phone. My gut is broken but I'm not hiting the dark hole again!

Cheers!

Okay, brainstorming session.

This is what I think went wrong:
- In my first text from Friday, when I proposed to have a chat, I was too vague. I should have been more specific and propose a chat over Messenger.
- In my second text from Saturday, I wrote too much. I should have left the meeting thing out, and I definitely shouldn't have mentioned anything about what she might or not want to say.

I think my wife got confused by my first text and annoyed by the second one. That's why she snapped a bit with "and what do you mean about some things I want to tell you and things you want to hear?". My reply was mediating, and I really just wanted to "hear from her", nothing specific.

Conclusions:
- My wife accepted talks over Messenger "at some point" but not meeting yet.
- I pushed her a bit with my second text, and this is the point were I feel I failed most. I hope this didn't break any hope I might have had. I guess it's not a text that will save or destroy a marriage...

As a side note, yesterday I had to go to the house to pick-up some stuff (my wife wasn't there, and I informed her ahead) and she re-decorated the living room, took all my stuff out of it and dumped it in the hall, and also re-decorated a bit the bedroom.

What do you guys think?

Regards.

Even the most succinct, clear, short message can be... misinterpreted... All you can do is try your best...

But yes, be clear, not vague, and be as short as possible to get the message out when communicating. It just comes with practice.

I think I understand what you want to talk to your W about...

I am just wondering... why...? I mean really WHY? Often, when "testing the waters", there's something more that is hoped...

maybe to tell the spouse how much we're changing, or to ask the spouse subtle questions to see if R is possible yet, or maybe to try to get the spouse to see our side and let them know how they can fix themselves...

All kinds of reasons...

So unless your conversation is really just "business"... what are you hoping for... because your secondary agenda may not work out so well nor go as you hope... generally doesn't...

oh, and for your own sanity, do what ever you can to stop trying to figure out why she's doing what she's doing...

Sorry, but all I can guess is she wanted to change some things up a bit and re-decorated the living room and bedroom and had no place to put your stuff temporarily, so thought the hallway floor might work...

But that's a guess...