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RinseRepeat,

Well, that must feel good. Try to think of the message as closure on your old relationship even if its not the start of a new one. After all, isn't it nice to know that you were appreciated, and doesn't it feel good to know that you had a positive influence on his son's life?

If you decide to text back, I'd definitely wait a while, and I'd keep it short, upbeat, and informal. What exciting news about yourself do you have to share? Have you taken any trips/vacations or gotten any promotions, etc.? You said you were 'happy' in your life now, so its important that your ex realize that.

My thinking is that if he's ever to want to re-enter your life, its going to be because you have an appealing lifestyle that attracts him.

Alone,
And you claim to be no expert! I think you've got some of this figured out pretty well. Thank you so much for your objective insight. I don't know your situation other than what's in your signature. That's pretty fresh and very painful. I went through something like that too. I am sorry that you have to go through this but glad you are here. There's a lot to be learned here about relationships and a very thoughtful, wise, and comforting group of people here to help.

I was a member of this community in 2004 when my marriage turned to living hell while my h cheated and lied and was confused. He put me through the ringer. It was torture. My exh was text book mid-life crisis. I don't know how I would've gotten through that experience without the wonderful support and the db principles here.
The man I want to reconcile with is someone I met as my marriage ended. He was a god send. He gave me respect, understanding, time. We had good conversations and communicated well. It grew into the most authentic relationship of my life, although we lived together nearly 5 years we never married. When we broke up, it was clean quick and without drama. We parted understanding that we did love each other. No ILUBINILWU bs.

Several months after our split I found myself on these boards again when I realized walking away from each other was not the way we should have solved our problem. I really tried to be the best dbuster ever, but he was hurt and angry and not willing to give us a 2nd chance.
I understand it takes time to get over losing someone dear. And even consider how some of the feelings I have may be residual displaced emotions from my exh because the BF was a rebound and I didn't have time to process & recover from that awful experience. And I carry some amount of guilt/remorse because parting was my doing. But I didn't expect that over 2 years later I would still miss and love him. I have had opportunities to date, I'm just not interested. I have my business, and my kids, good friends. I'm active in my community, and socially. im healthy and even quite happy. I know I am ok without him. And I accept that I may continue to live without him. Yet I still long to share it all with him.

sooo... I am going to sit back and enjoy the moment. For whatever reason, he responded. If that's all I have, it is more than I had. I will reply in a day or two with cheery news and see what happens. I am no worse off than before either way.
And tonight I'm going to party with some friends. Good music and a couple cocktails will make a fun summer night to enjoy. Maybe he will think about me. Wouldn't it be funny if he's stressing and wondering why I didn't return his lovely message.
Time tells all things. God willing, I have time.

I have done some thinking about all this. Perhaps Alone is really on to something, suggesting this should be considered some closure that brings peace.
I feel soooo much better about the situation knowing he's said these things to me. Maybe all I've craved is some closure and some recognition.
I have not responded yet. I think I will today. Considering thanking him for somethings he brought to my life- maybe it would make him feel better too.
I still miss him. But I feel a bit better knowing he appreciated me.

Here i go to write him a brief fun message. See what happens... I have nothing to lose.

Did it. Probably not brief enough, but not too long. A little info about a party I just hosted, & a little humor. And this time I did ask a couple questions.
Feel a knot in my stomach again. I def feel better when I owe him a reply as opposed to him having the ball. Let's see if he responds. I took 4 days to get back to him. He probably won't respond quickly, if at all.

Still hoping something comes of this. Although I know it's a loooong shot. Crossing fingers, but not holding my breath.
I don't need him. But I want...

I know exactly how that feels.

That's great Rinserepeat. I'm glad this has been a positive thing no matter how it turns out. I hope you hear back from him soon.

I'll be staying tuned for updates or to offer a shoulder to cry on if needed.

Remember, have NO expectations and its hard to be disappointed.

If you don't mind me asking, why did you end the relationship originally? You obviously have strong feelings for this man.

Waiting to see what happens.

Good luck rinse...

How and why I ended it... too long a story.
The brief is he became very ill for months with undiagnosed illness which we learned much later was from exposure to toxic mold that was in our basement where his workshop was. He had severe symptoms and decided he was dying. Apparently there's a way a gf should treat a dying bf, but I never subscribed to the theory. I became frustrated and angry that he wasn't taking any action to be helped. He resented that I wasn't available or wiling to nurse him. We both worked 60 hour weeks, I also took care of the house and kids. As weeks turned to months he became cranky and mean. He refused to take my advice or my pleas to get medical help. In response to that, I became sullen and withdrew emotionally, which I later recognized was a non productive behavior learned from my mom. He considered that further evidence that I didn't love him enough. He was unpleasant and sick, I was distant and cold.
This set the stage. Then I did something he had told me not to do. To me it was trivial, but it was disrespectful and selfish on my part and he was rightfully upset. I was just so frustrated and angry that he refused to address his health issue. I brought home a cat despite that he said no when I brought up the idea. My 21 year old cat had died and I wanted a new one. I knew he didn't like cats, but since he had accepted the other one with my compromises I expected him to handle it. When a week passed without him noticing the cat, I thought that validated my point that it was no big deal. He was already feeling I didn't care enough about the fact that he may be dying of a mysterious illness so the cat was further proof to his conclusion. He gave me an ultimatum. 2 wks to rehome kitty or he would leave. I would call his bluff, surely he didn't want to leave. But after 2 weeks He asked me to choose between him and the cat and I wouldn't choose... which was in fact choosing. At the time, I just wanted his bad mood and his health issue to go away. I wanted to be happy and I felt he wasn't a willing partner in that quest. I hated feeling he was trying to overpower me, and so I "won".
At the very time that we needed to communicate in a meaningful way and feel loved, we failed each other.
We went from ridiculously happy to this in a matter of months.
He says it was the cat, I believe it was the underlying dynamics. He told my friend he loved me enough to lay down his life for me, & complained that I didn't love him enough to respect his wishes. I thought that was overly dramatic... loved me enough to die for me, but not enough to live with a cat! He says I prefer a cat to him, I say he rather leave me than live with a cat. Really stupid! I mean, people have REAL problems and resolve them. This is crazy.
After he left we came to realize the cause of his symptoms, which he fully recovered from.

It was an issue of respect, pride, power, & a patch of poor communication about feelings. It was not typical of our relationship, but just a total screw up that we both have responsibility for.
I think his health and his fears about it played a huge part in how he responded to my over-riding his wishes. If he hadn't been so ill and concerned about how I was caring about it, the cat would have been a non issue.
I could explain it better, more information and it may make more sense. And honestly, if I get started I am capable of pouring out pages of thoughts and feelings about it. I've done a great deal of reflection and self analysis. But I'll spare you further details!
Ironic that the cat had a heart condition and died a few months later. He doesn't know that. Anyway, wasn't the cat. It was how he perceived my intentions.
I would have a huge load in proving I could respect him after that, but if given the chance I would.

We loved each other and previous to this melt down our actions and words showed it. I long for an opportunity to prove I can do a better job of cherishing what we had together.

Love is not easy to find or maintain. I think it's an insult to spirit and nature to bungle it. It's too precious and important to be discarded over nonsense. Yet that happens every day. Otherwise we wouldn't all be here.

So true...so...what is your next step?