Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Divorce on the horizon?

Thanks everyone. You guys are amazing.

Antonia, you are so right in everything that you said. I'm almost 100% sure that W is MLC. Heck, MHL said that she is the poster child.

I actually come on here to just give updates, show the craziness, get help and just vent. My man Eric suggested I try to post something everyday. It does make me feel better knowing that I am not alone in this mess. Most of you are further along than I am and are an inspiration to me. The people on here are amazing. You included.

I still miss W terribly. The OLD version. I still wonder what she is up to, but not as often as before. I think I am progressing slowly. The pain is here and I suppose it always will be, but it has subsided. I haven't heard a peep from her since our meeting on Monday and I am actually starting to prefer it that way. I don't need the craziness and the negative comments in my life right now. I'm tired of being blamed for every little thing under the sun. I would love to have her back, but she has some real issues to deal with. I love her, but I DO NOT like her right now.

I had a job interview today. I think I did well. I had to take a test and I scored 100% on it. They want me to come back for another interview on 8/1. Still in the running.....

Thanks again.

Tad

Tad - aim sitting here reading what you wrote about what she said - basically same script from my xh. Here's what I believe - she can "feel" all of those things at one point or another - but the REAL truth is what she ACTS upon. I never FELT in love 24/7n- but ere was never a moment that I was not "all in" my marriage. What I believe is that all this is a choice. I can choose to act or react one way or I can choose to act or react another. Both actions cause consequences - good and bad. What can YOU live with@? I know that xh vise what he did - I chose my path. Those choices did not complement each other. But I can look myself in the mirror and validate I was faithful to my values and beliefs. That has to become the most significant reality in my life.

Sorry for all the typos

Hey Tad,

Happy Little Friday!!!!!

How did the interview go??

Tad,

You and I are running in parallel time lines, so I am going to remind you that you asked me once out I could detach so well. I told you NC was the best thing for me mentally and it really helped. You have to look at it this way, what is the most healthy route for you to go now for YOURSELF. Determine what is right for you to take care of you and your kids. I do still have my down times, and it is frustrating. But you know what? This was not my choice, but I choose everyday how I live, and what is right for my physical and mental well being.

I do wallow in my own pity parties at times, this week has been hard as D16 has been gone to band camp and coming home to an empty house was so depressing and I have cried on my way home everyday so far. Last night I realized, because this is my future when she goes off to college. It was so depressing, then today I decided that it was okay, I do like who I am, I can stand my own company. I don't have a lot of friends in this area as we moved here 6 years ago, and though H is from here, I am not, which leaves me to my own defenses. The few friends I do have, come to my rescue when they can, but mostly I try to get used to being me and what I like to do in my alone times. It's funny, because before BD I would so relish my alone time because it was so infrequent. Now I just try to fill it with things to do.

I guess what I am saying is, keep working on detaching, keep allowing yourself the feelings, but just don't stay there, release them as soon as you can. Today is a new day, what can you do for Tad today?

I am so happy your interview went well. I am still looking for a full time job. Thankfully my unemployment benefits were extended this week.

Have a great day!

Thanks Irish, MHL and Lorie.

Irish, I too can look in the mirror and know that I stood and did everything I could. W is not the same person right now and I do not want the person that she is. Will "other version" return? God, I hope so, but time will tell.

MHL, the interview went great. I've secured a 2nd interview on 8/1. I almost hope that I don't start right away because my "formal" mediation is set for 8/10. I hope it doesn't interfere with the job.

Lorie, I am detaching. A lot easier said than done though. My biggest problem right now is just the disbelief of it all. Still can't get over how someone can change so drastically. I really do believe that it is a serious mental disorder. Weird stuff indeed.

Thanks everyone and HAPPY LITTLE FRIDAY!

I think I might kick it by the pool today with some tunes. Almost makes me wish that I was still a drinker.

Tad

Tad,
I have been following your posts, mostly to know there is someone out there that is going through a similar situation to me.
My XW was the same as you W....One day she woke up and was someone completely different.

I know you have heard this before but MAKE SURE you do what is best for you and your children in the negotiations. I made the MISTAKE of being really nice to my XW when we were negotiating our settlement. I was in such disbelief that it was actually happening that I figured I had to be nice to my XW as she was going to return. I lost a lot of money that was owed to ME because of this. Of course it never changed anything between us.

My XW is a bit different than yours. My XW goes out of her way to be nice to me, wants to spend time all together as a family, compliments me and goes all out on my birthday and Father's Day.
I want you to know that it's just as hard/hurtful to be around her as if she was being nasty to me.
I approached her (I know 2x4) to see where she was at will all this hanging out etc. She reiterated to me she has no interest in anything more now or ever.
I had to cut the ties and try to drop the rope as it's just too painful.
It hurts like hell to not be in contact with her but it hurts more to be in contact.

I know exactly your disbelief that this is happening and that your W has turned into who she is now.

I am sorry my friend.
You are on the right path.
Keep plugging along...I hear it get's better.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ well said Antonia.

Tad, I know - we ALL know how difficult it is for you right now. My heart hurts just thinking about what you are feeling and how fresh the pain is for you. I know that I used to listen to everything my H would say and analyze it, tear it apart, internalize it. and it does no good Tad. they don't even remember saying it!

Is a crazy person going to admit that they are crazy? Heck no! I laugh at myself when I think about in the beginning when I would print off information on MLC and give it to my H thinking that he would actually be able to read it and say - yep that's me! how can I stop?

H would read some of it and think I WAS THE CRAZY ONE for thinking anything was wrong with him. To him he was finally free and in control of his life for the first time. He would say that I was "living in my own fantasy world" thinking that there was something wrong with him when it was just me he wasn't in love with any more. like I was trying to come up with excuses.

Now 2 months ago, H hit rock bottom emotionally. He was for the 1st time able to look back and see the path of distruction he had created. He ASKED me for more information on MLC and read it all. He told me in a very emotional conversation that what he was reading was like reading his own bio.

Did his discovery of his MLC bring him back to me? NO. but I can tell you that his discovery changed him. He is much more loving, caring and emotional now. Aside from still being with the OW - we are closer friends now than we were when we were married. we laugh, are thoughtful of each other, he does anything I ask (that i think is because he feels soooooo guilty). Has he come out of his MLC - heck no! but he isn't insane and unbareable anymore. H is in the "holy sh*t, what have I done?" stage, but he is still incapable of making decisions and is still standing in one spot letting those around him make the decisions for him so he doesn't have to take responsiblity for anything. he has a long journy ahead of him.

I say all of this because I don't want you to get caught up on thinking that if she just admits she is in MLC it will change her back to who she was and she will come running home. She will never be the person she was before AND NIETHER WILL YOU.

You hang in there my friend, time heals all wounds.

Tad,
Congratulations on passing the test with flying colors. I'm so glad they are going to have you return for another interview. I'm keeping my fingers crossed and sending prayers your way that you get the position.

Thanks Whitney, TAMF and Snodderly.



Probably not a chance in Hell.



I know it really makes no difference if they admit it or not, but it would be nice if W would atleast aknowledge the possibility.

W just sent a text to me and S16 TELLING us that she will be picking him up tomorrow evening. She doesn't even ask if we had plans. Anybody else here encounter this type of behavior? When I saw her this past Monday, I asked when she was going to pick him up again. She said that she didn't know.

I've noticed lately that when my phone vibrates because of a text message, I cringe because I'm afraid that it might be her. I hate to look to see who it is from. When she first left, I used to pray for messages from her.

I've also noticed lately that I really don't trust many people. The person that I did trust betrayed me and now I'm having a hard time trusting anyone.

Snodderly, thanks for checking in and the kind words.

Tad