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Hi Grr,
It's me, the mean guy again

May I ask you one thing please? Can you just tell us why you did each of the things listed on this list:



Thanks,

Ian

brooklyn,
thank you so much

the letter from your son made me cry

although mine is just a boy still, i can relate so much

you are so wonderful and he is so blessed to have such a strong, beautiful mother


your posts always lift me


ian (or the mean guy),

i started purchasing, mainly, i think because it kept me out of the house where i could just sit and think

yes, i can do something more constructive

i started at the gym again because for awhile, i felt stuck and like i could not be physically active

training puts my head in a better place

it also makes me look better and since i went off the deep end (for me anyway)
with shopping, i might as well look good in the new duds (duds is a word i hate)

i took my son on a camping trip because it makes him happy (me as well)
nothing like spending a few hours swimming in a mountain lake

i finished the story as it needed finishing
and i wanted to prove to myself that i can still be creative

i also want to see what else i can be

btw, i don't think you're mean at all

uuugghhh, again

just journaling here

h is leaving tomorrow for a few week tour

we went together, with our s, to a guitar shop

he was very nice to me there, showed me a guitar that he thought i would like

other than that, not much interaction

when we left he told me that two teenage boys were checking me out as i was walking toward him

he said that was probably disrespectful to him(i bit my tongue and didn't say that he they might have known that he had left me)

went out to dinner afterwards and then we drove home with decent conversation

so, tonight i feel yucky

but if i am in this for the long haul, i guess i must begin rebuilding our friendship

and i cannot worry about who he is flying in to meet him on the road and what he is doing.....right?

so i just wanted to write this down
it's better than calling him and telling him tonight was nice (right? right)

thanks for listening

Right.

There were some good things there, Grr.

And yes, it would probably be best for you not to call him.

Friendship should be the basis for any relationship.

You are doing great.

Keep going.

grr,

This...



Is a red flag to me.

Why?

Answer this question and you may get closer to your goal.

Because I can (guess) tell you.

You will not find success through "feeling yucky"

First off ^^^ Huh????? I understand feeling yucky perfectly.


Grr, great answers to my questions. That's what I was looking for was to learn what is motivating you right now and it sounds to me like you are doing things for you and no one else. I like that. Thanks for taking the time to answer me.

Also, a few week tour gives you lots of time to do more stuff for you right

Ian

I understand feeling yucky as well.

The question I asked was does this help or hurt, with finding your ultimate goal.

We may disagree what the answer to this question is.

If so.

That is fine. So is life.



This makes me think though that we do not.

Perhaps only different ways of saying the same thing.

Peace.

Only if it is comfortable for you.

Only if there is trust.

Only if it is coming both ways.

Grr this is not a R at any cost.

The biggest cost I am concerned about is you.

You feel "yucky"?

Why?

And

If it is because of H. His actions, words, or any other thing...

Then examine why you are subjecting yourself to it.

Your M?

Two way street.

When it is then put yourself in it.

Is that where he is right now?

Is that where you are?

hi country.......hmmmmm why did i feel yucky?

i guess, because, we had a nice time last night (my perception of course) and when he dropped us off after i missed him (and felt yucky)

i wondered why he couldn't see that we are a family and belong together (i am not looking for an answer to that one)

i wondered why i still got butterflies when i looked at him, that he didn't feel the same way

i felt yucky because the days are long, the nights are longer and still somewhat empty

and now he's gone, there's just the thought of him

true, does that answer your question? because i just realized that maybe i am not comfortable yet rebuilding the friendship

because when he would look at his phone, i would wonder who it was

because when he looks at me now, i feel like he feels nothing
(but it did get a response when the boys were checking me out, and he felt it was uncool because he was with me)

i do think he told me that to make me feel good tho

i am subjecting myself to his company because some part (ok, a big part) of me wants my marriage back

and because he is not in the same place i am

he is done, he has said it

so i am letting that relationship go in hopes of building another

and that has to start with a friendship

does this answer anything?

it is helping me clarify

and you should know this about me true, i would never be in a relationship at the cost of anything

i think much to highly of me for that

thanks for taking the time

grr, this is what concerns me.

I question whether it is really best for YOU right now.

And actually, IMVHO, your M as well.

Of course that is for you to answer, and no one else.

You know me, I like questions

Are you being a friend to get something back from him?

If so, can a real friendship be built on this?

And if not, can it be a basis for a new R and M?