Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Letting go is hard to do!

We all go thru the various stages of mourning our old M even tho it wasn't great; it's all we've known for so many years. It's kind of a weird mindset.

You will come to a point where things do get a little easier and don't seem as forced. You just have to keep working to be your best every day not only for yourself, for your children.

She will come around eventually. It will then be YOUR choice as to how wide you want to open that door.

You are doing a great job. Keep climbing the hill. We're here for you SW.

Peace - ZEN

I have had many thoughts tonight about what really went wrong in my marriage and I know it took both of us to do the damage. The only thing is that she decided to bring someone else in the picture. She made up her mind and quit. I was oblivious and let her run the marriage. That wasn't because I wanted to show her I was a weak man, it was because I just thought I was making her happy. I will never let that happen again with her or without her.

I will show my girls the father that they deserve and I will teach them how a man should behave. I am a dang good dad that loves his children and myself. That is something that I am working on is myself I needed a kick to get me going I just didn't need the kick my wife gave me. I will survive this train wreck and my wife might see me as the better option and she might not. I can't worry about her anymore. I am going to focus on me and the girls. I am tired of losing sleep and I rufuse to let this ruin me as a man.

I know my marriage is dead and I know I will be divorced soon. I will not let this break me as a man I am better than this. I am getting to a point that nothing really matters other thanmy happiness. I don't need my wife to make me happy. I read somewhere that if you go dark and they stay dark they are happy. Well we both deserve to be happy. I was raised a Kansas farm kid and I had to work my butt off for everything I have in life. I might not of worked hard in this marriage but I bet I do better next time.

I will live my life to the fullest and I will never be a weak man. I am excited to see where life leads from here.

I will continue to db until I decide that I am done.

You are right SW, she may never come around. Alot of people tell me that she will come crawling back but that is not a guarantee and as long as OM is in the picutre, it is probably not going to happen.

I hope you can maintain the attitude that you dont need her to make you happy. It comes and goes for me and hopefully one day, it will be the thing that drives me.

Sometimes I think that it will take someone else to come along to replace her in my heart to get her out. They may come back but will they ever trully love us again? We dont want somebody back as our loves if its a one way street.

Keep up the great work SW. IT seems you are on the right track

9
BITS

SW,

you're getting there.
You're saying the right things but a sense in your post you feel defeated.

1,000 of us came before you and there will be 1,000s more after.

D is not the end of your life, it's a new chapter. You're the author of this new chapter.

Live, be happy, be the best dad to your girls.

Happiness does come from anywhere but within.
You create your own happiness.


You'll never be done, it's a life style. You will apply the knowledge you learn here and use it in your next R.

gr8

I know how you feel about the friends and family SW. I find myself rarely talking about my sitch to them. Most all of them can't relate and have given me all the advice they know. I feel they are tired of hearing about it too, like it's just old gossip to them. I'm sure they don't really feel that way. This board has been a breath of fresh air for me. I thank god I found it. No one can relate like the BITS do. Our family and friends want to see us happy, but they don't understand the process we are in or the tools we need to get through it. Thanx again BITS

I keep most of my sitch away from her family and mutual friends. She is still spewing venom to them. I hope at some point they will see how over the top most of the venom is and begin to listen critically. I cannot control that. So here is one place where I come for solace, and advice.

I need find a forum so they will see I am a good person and moving on. To that end despite my reservations I will join FB. Resistance is futile.

Gr8, is right. You sound defeated. You will come through this stronger, you already know that. We all benefit from the vets here.

I don't feel defeated today I actually had a great weekend with my youngest.

Does a WAW start walking away from their kids?

Your WAW is distancing herself from the kids? I haven't heard of that happening on here too much. I feel my W and I do even more with our D2 now than before. We both enjoy our time with her so much that we really try to take full advantage of it. Your D's are older and I'm sure more independent but this must be very hard on them. I would think your W would want to make the transition as smooth as possible for them and definently spent time with them. In the end we can control our own actions though. You keep being there for them and let your WAW make her own mistakes.

So I have been away for a while! Actually staying away has cleared some of the fog from my head. The good news is that I have been keeping up with several people I like reading the posts and watching their progress some give me ecouragement and others well I hate this roller coaster also. Country keep your head up buddy and life will get better! We have so much in common it's crazy.

A little update. I have been dark with the exception of my kids. The W has totally fallen off her rocker. My D17 seems to be acting more mature than her mother. Well my divorce has been all filed except one little thing, my retirement. I made her an offer and she has not declined it nor accepted the offer. That has been going on for about a month or longer. I don't really care she only has another 30 days until the Judge will decide for her. That's actually a good thing and it's going to be in my favor because I gave her all the equity in the home. I think I found out last night why she started dragging her feet. It seems the OM according to my D17 is really judging my W and the W thinks he is about to dump her. Well I have asked my girls not to talk to me about their mom and the OM unless it's something I really need to know about. I asked my W not to bring the OM around the girls for their own well being at the start, she listened to me like any WAW would and keeps bringing him around anyway. The W is getting mad at the girls because she thinks I have been telling them to be rude to him. I can honestly say that I have not done anything like that and I refuse to get in the middle of this crap. I am going to talk to my W face to face for the first time in over a month tonight. My girls both have decided until their mom becomes their mom again they want to live with me. I am happy and I am sad at the same time. I wish she wouldn't have put the OM before her kids and I know she has always been a terrific mother until now. I have several things documented about being drunk, fighting with the girls, forgetting to come home from OM house on school nights and the girls missing school because of that. My D11 said her sister is more of a mom than her mother is at this point. These things have fueled me even more to be the best dad possible. My D11 said last night that her mom was mad at her because she canceled a date to hang out with her and she decided to come to my house. Well I am sick of all the guilt trips and crap she is putting these girls through. I am prepared to fight for the girls and they really just want someone to be a parent to them. It's must be pretty bad when my MIL called me and asked me to get the girls out of the house. She said she would move 900 miles just to help me raise her grand kids because her D has been acting like a 17 year old party girl. So I think this might be a wake up call for my wife. I do have something funny the girls did to the OM the wife had made some brownies for the OM and was making the girls clean the house before he got thier, well my D11 told her sister watch this and she licked every brownie on the plate. My D17 told me this and I did all I could do to not laugh. I told the D11 that some day I might find someone to date and that she should really try and be nice. She looked at me and said well dad if you want me to be nice to her, make sure she is not an idiot! What do you say to that?

I myself have detached and I am fine with getting the divorce. I actually don't know if I would even try and reconcile my marriage right now. I have lost all respect for how she is behaving and just have a hard time thinking of all the crap she is pulling. I know I made mistakes during our marriage but I don't think what I did should come back this hard on me and the girls. Atleast they don't deserve this kind of behavior from their mom. I still love my wife and I am not sure that will ever die but I really don't think I like who she has become. The funny thing is I am calm now and not worried about talking to her about the girls. Heck they packed boxes last week telling her they wanted to move in with me and she told them how good she was going to be and boom same old behavior.

I would like to ask True, Jack, or anyone else if detatched with kids is where I am at right now or is this some other stage? All I care about is protecting them from the bull Sh!t she is doing. I think I actually started becoming a WAH at some point because of what she has done to the girls, is that possible?

That's all I have for now, good luck everyone.

Wow Seminole, that is one hell of a situation but it sounds like you are handling it with extreme dignity. Be very proud of yourself. The tone of your post shows that you are very grounded right now, that is great.

Keep being an incredible dad. I believe in Karma, you have good things coming your way.

All pleasures, small or great, arise from virtuous actions, and all pains, great or small, arise from nonvirtuous actions.