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Seminolewind #2167996 07/14/11 03:48 PM
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Seminolewind, thank you very much. Your words are impressive, I know all those things, I've read the books, but somehow I don't "feel" them yet. But I will, because that seems to be what happens to most of us.

Lately I've been thinking about practical things like bank accounts, assets, goods, and even divorce. I contacted my wife regarding money, car, etc. a couple of times, always when it's necessary and in an unemotional manner. She never contacted me about those subjects.

But when do you decide that DB'ing is going for too long? If two months passed and nothing happened, should I contact my wife and ask her what exactly she wants? If it's a divorce, if it's more time? Or should I just keep waiting?

Thank you again, regards.


Me: 36
Wife: 33
Together: 09/2007
Married: 03/2010
I love you but...: 06/2011
Separated: 06/2011
Rebuilding: 11/2011
Lonely Room #2168003 07/14/11 04:13 PM
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I have never learned to do the quote thing. Here is some of my answers to your post.

Once you start DBing you never stop. You are going to find it's a way of life.

Time is your friend two months is nothing, just keep working on you.

Paitence is the answer.

No one can predict the future and only you can make yourself happy.

Don't worry about divorce it's not going to make you who you want to be as a man.

Start working on "feeling" what you have learned. It's the best thing for you and right now it's all about YOU!


Me 44
W 38
M 18
D 18
D 13
Bomb 10/21/2010
Divorced 7/19/2011
Just getting to the 7th inning!

Don't take life so serious, it's just life!
Seminolewind #2168147 07/14/11 10:55 PM
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Thank you again Seminolewind.

I understand all this waiting game... But part of my current suffering is the idea that without my wife, and while I'm DB'ing and trying to save our marriage, my life is in the "limbo". And I'm 34, not old, but also not that young.

When I was 23 I answered one of those job interview questions that asks you to describe how you imagine your life in 5 or 10 years. I failed miserably, because my life isn't nowhere near what I imagined 10 years ago: I'm alone, with a broken marriage, no kids, no house.

So, the idea of waiting for my wife's contact for months and months makes me fear the future. Were I live, even amicable divorces can take up to 8 months minimum to end. I'll probably be 36 by then...

I'm afraid of not meeting anyone else, of not finding the right person to build a family. I don't obsess with that, but in our societies it's what people do and what seems to make them happy and give sense to their lives.

Am I complicating things to much?


Me: 36
Wife: 33
Together: 09/2007
Married: 03/2010
I love you but...: 06/2011
Separated: 06/2011
Rebuilding: 11/2011
Lonely Room #2168156 07/14/11 11:07 PM
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From where I sit you're young guy and have a lot more opportunites than I do.
Guess it's all a matter of perspective. grin


BITS
Me-51, WAS-52
Kids 2
M-26yrs, H.left 2009, 2 more Bomb drops, Reconnection spring 2013
Change is inevitable, personal growth is a choice.
Love is a action and choice you make, every day.
Queen_of_Swords #2168289 07/15/11 12:37 PM
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Lonely,

You are making this more complicated than you need. Wow 36 you are going to have a tough time (just kidding)! I would love to be 36 again! You are young quit tryng to lower yourself into the hole even further.

You have only failed if you give up on life. You can still have kids you can always buy a house and you can always better yourself.

The way I see this is you need to face your fears! When we face our fears you have nothing else to fear. Yes it's easier said than done and yes you can do this.

Life will only turn out like you want, if you do the things to make that happen. Quit beating yourself up over nothing and make the life that you desire.


Me 44
W 38
M 18
D 18
D 13
Bomb 10/21/2010
Divorced 7/19/2011
Just getting to the 7th inning!

Don't take life so serious, it's just life!
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