Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I guess I am now an official member of the DB club

Woodman,
Welcome. Sorry to hear about your situation. Through my round of MC, I did a lot of the things in the LD. I can relate to seeing my W in an entirely different way, loving my W in a totally different way. I have also changed and never want to return to who I was. I think because of those changes, I am now able to more effectively DB. Hopefully it's the same for you.

I would agree with Sandi in that the LD is probably not the prescription for a WAW at this point. I think there's a little too much persuing involved. But I think you've seen how it's changed you.

Keep working on your positive changes. You have the opportunity to keep them coming.

Would like to hear an update. You okay?

Still no contact with spouse. She only checks email sporadically and I haven't sent her any except for one about how to fund our remaining joint account so we can pay some bills. A mutual friend gave me her new "secret" phone number a couple of weeks ago. I have not used it. I am trying to stay dark to give her some space and for my own mental well being.
I checked our checking account and found that she went to see our family doc. He is both our doctor and our deacon at Church. It is a good combination. He knows of W's story, and tried to put her on AD last December. She filled the prescription and pretended to take them but didn't. The one time we spoke since she left, we talked about maybe it would be a good idea for her to go see him again. Maybe that is what she did and maybe she is getting some help with her demons. Or maybe it was just an office visit for a minor illness. All I can do is speculate. I guess hope springs eternal. If she did reach out to him for help, I know that she did not just get a handful of pills. He also gave her good counsel and recommended that she get into IC. Of course because of the new confidentiality laws, he really can't tell me anything.
Another week has gone by and I still do not have divorce papers. She started out going full tilt boogie towards divorce. I don't know if she asked her lawyer to put a hold on it, or she is just passively not doing her paperwork. Either way, I am grateful. As far as I am concerned divorce is not an option. I cannot stop it, but I will not participate any more than I have to and will do whatever I can to delay it.
I continue to put one foot in front of the other and try to live one hour at a time. I am continuing to GAL by reconnecting with old friends from my working days. Sleep is still elusive but I don't wake up in a full panic like I did the first month.
I realize she is a WAW but could this be a case of MLC? Are women as affected by MLC as men? The only thing I can determine by her actions is that she appears to have low self worth.
My prayer is that she will soon have the need to make some kind of contact.

Well I feel stupid! UPDATE!! Got a call from my lawyer. He received petition for divorce from my wife's lawyer yesterday. That was a kick in the gnuts!! So much for moving slow. 8 weeks ago today was when the alien woke up in my wife's body and said she was leaving.
Oh, and the Dr. appointment this week.....routine physical so she could renew prescriptions. Didn't even see our friend the Doc, went to the nurse practitioner instead.
I really feel stupid. When will I stop trying to find something good in this situation? There is nothing.

Just journaling.
Rough day today. I think that piece of paper I got yesterday is preying on my brain. I want to cry and scream at the same time. Don't want to upset the neighbors. I'm sitting here in the house I designed and had built for US, and I'm thinking I can't afford it alone and neither can she, so I guess it will be another victim of this nightmare.
A good friend came over and let me verbally beat up on him for a little while. That helped. I feel like I want to puke. I haven't been this bad in weeks. I WANT OUT OF THIS SOAP OPERA!!!
No contact with my wife, but I see by our joint account that is supposed to be for paying bills only that she is on a spending spree. Probably trying to self medicate. I saw OM at Mass Thursday and he and his W were all smiley and lovey dovey. Perhaps W has been kicked to the curb.

Time to separate those finances, it sounds like.

Don't you think?


Blessings,

Bill

I believe women in this day & time are affected by MLC as much as men. I think a lot may have to do with the fact most women are putting in a full day in the workforce and experience the same pressure as men. Raising a family and all the rest, just doesn't leave much time for the spouse. Suddenly, she wakes up on morning and sees that her youth,(and maybe her beauty, & health) is gone and whatever happiness is to be found.....she better get it quick b/c time is her worst enemy.

It may not be "mid-life" as far as age is concerned, but it is a crises. That is for certain.

Man, sorry to hear that. Hang in there.

Keep working on GAL'ing. For me at least, it's been the best therapy. Detach from her emotions and drama the best you can.

Ultimately, you will come out the better person of this situation than you W if you continue to work on yourself.

Woodman,
I agree. My L told me half of what I saved after separating finances was still hers, and half of what she saved was mine. IDK if it is the same in your state.

I firmly believe women can have a MLC for many of the same reasons Sandi gave.

In the rant STBXW wrote to me justifying her abandonment and bombing run she stated I have great difficulty still when I attempt to read it. This little piece is near the beginning before anger overtakes her and the rant begins. Seems to contain MLC components to me.

I very much understand about the house. After we made tweaks to an existing set of plans 24 yrs ago I picked up tools and commenced. It took 5 years, of nights, and weekends, I have an intimate acquaintance with every nail and stick of lumber. It very nearly cost us our marriage 20 yrs ago, and she was hospitalized for depression during construction for several weeks.

I remember sitting in the big empty house we were to grow old, have family holidays, and play with grandbabies in.

I survived.

I will thrive.

You will too.

Don’t write the house off yet. I have a pretty decent shot at keeping mine you may also. Get the facts, don’t speculate.

You’ve been hit with a hard blow. Pick yourself up, dust yourself off; speak with the attorney you have hired about how to protect yourself. Get the facts so you can respond from an informed point of view. Don’t react, respond and act calmly.

Don’t worry about how she will see your 180’s just accomplish them, and live them. They are for you more than for her. She’ll notice when she notices, waiting for an acknowledgement of them is setting an expectation and often is disappointing.

GAL, GAL and GAL. Be so busy being a positive person that you don’t have time to deal with her drama and the D. You’ve hired an attorney to deal with the drama of the D. Meantime GAL like a madman.

Thanks everyone for listening and contributing.
bworl - I've split the bank acct and have a private acct that I have opened with my daughter. This joint acct has remained so make it easier to pay bills electronically. I am not keeping a lot of money in it. Just enough to cover routine bills and expenses. I'm watching it close. I get notified immediately whenever there is a signifiant charge made on it. It will need to be closed soon as she continues toward HER divorce.

sandi2- Thanks for your thoughts on MLC. I guess it doesn't matter what we call it. It is what it is and we still have to experience it. I would like to see a randomized, double blind study on the number of women who are post menopausal but continue to take hormones(premarin/prempro) and who have MLC or are WAWs. While these hormones trick and confuse the physical body into thinking they are still in their 20s-40s. No one has ever studied their effect on the psyche. It might explain why this behavior seems to be more prevalent in women of this generation in comparison to our parents generation. I realize society and morals are significantly different also. Just sayin. Seems like since she has been on Prempro(5 years). She has been different.