I have to agree--in your situation--ALL of this advice needs to be taken into consideration, and kept in mind when you are moving forward with or without this man.
I just caught up on your sitch and I have to say that you're doing amazingly well for the short time you've been DBing.
I agree with the other posters about your ExP's R with the ow not lasting. I believe that was doomed from the get go. Something about it just doesn't quite set well.
Please tell us that you secured the money he said was for you. I have a feeling this ow is going to teach ExP some very painful financial lessons amongst other things. MLCer's are notorious for spending money, also.
Ask him to email you a list of the things he wants. Pack them up and when you're ready tell him to come and get them. Leave them outside of the door if you can and do not be home. Remember you're busy with your own new life.
It sounds to me like he needs his fix where you're concerned. Once he gets it, it will relieve his guilt for a while, and he may withdraw for a bit. Then it will build back up again. Don't give it to him. Let him wonder about where you are and what you're doing. The more he thinks about you, the less time he concentrates on ow.
As far as phone conversations go, whenever he starts to talk about something that makes you uncomfortable, just tell him that someone's at the door, or timer is going off on the stove, or that you're getting ready to go out, (even if it's for a walk around the neighborhood) and end the convo. There is no reason you have to sit there and listen to that fogged up drivel.
Reading over your story... wow. Deja vu! My exh! My story in 2004 is so like yours. Fyi: Statistics prove that relationships starting in the way your p & ow begin, are very rarely successful. I forget the exact details, but something like 97% of them fail before a year. Usually life span is 3-9 months. It was the case with my exh. His went nearly a year and they even got engaged before they crashed. I dbed my butt off. Pma, gal, lrt,... all of it. It helped me survive the most painful period of my life. Although I thought it did not help my r, my exh circled back around after his r with ow fell out. Much to my surprise, the very thing I had hoped for and fought for was his return. But there he was, finally acknowledging and understanding what he'd done and I no longer wanted him! It was validating and helpful to finally hear him say the things he did at that time. But it was all just too late for me. When we split, I did not want to do anything to jeopardize chances that he'd come back, so I walked out of the m with no $. In hind sight that was stupid! Especially when he first left he wanted to be generous as he felt some guilt. That guilt dissolved quickly though. Don't make my mistake. Based on my experience, take what he offers now while you can get it! Hang in there. You are doing a great job. Focus on what is important and try not to think about "them" too much. (I realize that's easier said than done.) Best to you. It will get better.
Me: 35 Him: 43 Together: 19 1/2 years 1st Bomb (IDLYAM): March 2011 2nd Bomb (OW): April 2011 He abandons home/bills/everything: May 2011 He's bought a new house for OW: September 2011
