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Ahhhh more funds for GAL, errr Skydiving, errr GAL ahhh seriously jealous here.

I have been inspired to check out the two closest places to begin. I’ll have to wait for a couple of other priorities to clear, but it’ll happen.

way to go!!

Believe me, the hardest part is the jump and about 2 seconds after that. Then for the next 50 seconds you literally feel like superman !

Journaling...

Visiting my daughter tomorrow. Quite excited.

Everytime i go there, i take a lot of toys. Sometimes i feel bad that i am buying her love through toys. But it seems like right now that's the only way i can get her to talk to me

One of our good friends are moving from my town to where my wife stays. Thats good because they have a daughter same age ours. Wife was excited about that. But i also wondered if she ever feels bad seeing those happy families and seeing how affected our daughter would get.

I guess right now i'll just have to take one thing at a time.

MK, I hope your visit went well.


Please don't get wrapped around the axle with this.


That is about all any of us can do most of the time.

MK

Dropping by to see how your visit went.

Update?

JS, 2step : Thanks for dropping by

The visit went great. Daughter and I had a really great time. She has grown so much. There's always this feeling of sadness knowing that i am missing so much of her life.

Yesterday she also kept saying that she wanted to visit 'our' house. my wife makes daughter call grandma's home as 'our' home but daughter does not. These are little things, but they do strike a lot.

Not in a good place today. I left early yesterday because my migrane was becoming bad. Wish i stayed longer.

No reaction about anything from wife. Eeveytime daughter kept saying that she wanted to visit me, wife kept saying that she could visit once she was lil older. I dunno what i was expecting her say. Maybe that both would come back soon ?

wife kept telling how one of her cousins and his family just moved to TX from NJ and how nice their family is. Apparently daughter does cry for me whenever she sees other kids with their dad. I am really sure how wife can rationalize that.

All these and thoughts about future is just bogging me down. I'll just need to stop thinking about the future and just live for 'now'

I made another mistake today. I feel like a fool who cannot follow his advice....

I had looong R talk with wife this morning. I started it. I was talking to her about daughter and how it felt to see her and slowly we moved to R talk. It was bad because i think i ended up giving wife the feeling that i was still pining for her. When she point blank asked me if i was hoping that she would come back, i said i did not. At the end wife just wanted me to see the whole thing from her point of view, how much she suffered how much she tried etc.

In the past and even in today's discussion, i have validated her feelings and owned up that she should have been treated better by me. I am really not sure why she keeps on bringing up the past on how much she suffered. Its like she wants to be stuck in the past. Either way she made it clear that she has no intention right now.

I really need to be on my guard about this R talk. Today i felt like a fool again apologizing for lots of things and in the end i think i also justified her leaving me !!

You did what you did and owned your own 2x4's, MyK, so I offer none...

I would submit that your W has opened up to you in a way that could be taken positively...

See... What she is telling you would be exactly what she would tell anyone else. What's positive about it, is she is actually telling you. As opposed to the "nothing's wrong, it's just me" response.

That info (other than validating) may or may not be something to look at and consider being part of your 180s (if there were specifics). I only WISH my W would tell me how I offended her... But this is your story...

Not so sure about that answer you gave her regarding whether you wanted her to come back...

It's hard to tell if you told her you did NOT want her back. If you said that, maybe you could have just said, "You are just looking at options of how the future could look" or something similar...

feel free to say "Wow, I sure don't recall it that way but I'm sorry you were hurt/felt ignored/etc"

and "If I had it to do over, I'd do a lot of things differently"...but when she persists,

Say "Hey I already apologized for x & Y and meant it. But I can't stay stuck in the past. So, back to what I was saying..."

and if she STILL persists, say the above part about apologizing already and say "though I owned my part, I don't stay focussed on what YOU did or how you hurt me b/c I don't want to stay stuck in the past...so now, back to what I was saying..."

and don't let her suck you back into the past...and myk

take your own advice too!!!

You know this, so I won't belabor the point. Glad you said you were not hoping for her to come back...

was it THEN that she kept on about the past? B/C then it's really not relevant and you might want to ask her

"why are you talking about the past when the only future we have is as co-parents?"


I don't know how she'll respond but I think she may listen...who knows?

Who knows why she feels the need to do on and on...enough already...

(Yawn, bored...)

No Karma, you don't justify her thoughts/feelings, she does.

I know the feeling of wanting to get into this stuff. I have a small piece of me that wants to get into the talk just for closure.

The thing is, as you are realizing now, we learn nothing new. Because they are learning nothing new.

Just the same old same old.

It's funny. You seem to be an incredibly nice guy who is learning to stand up for himself.

I on the other hand am a guy who stood too strong for the most part and now trying to be a nicer guy.

There is a balance to everything. A yin and yang.

I think you should change your name.

This isn't your karma.

This is hers.

Your karma is coming. It will be good.

Stand strong man.