Rather than focusing on judging someone as abandoning the children, fight for what is "best" for the children. And that is access to both parents. Sometimes, fighting to have the other parent be responsible for and be with the children, rather than allowing them to abandon their children is the best thing to do...
"Access to," yes, CUSTODY is another matter.
I believe that children should be in the joint custody of any and all emotionally healthy parents.
LITB's wife would not be a good parent to these children right now in her current mindset, in my opinion, and her support system there in NM is not nearly as strong and stable as what LITB has here.
Just my opinion, but -- generally speaking -- people in active affairs do NOT make good parents.
How it looks is how it ends up looking (which may or may not be the picture we see / or stated anther way, our expectations), whether custody or visitation. So long as the kids are not harmed.
I respect and understand where you are coming from KD. I too agree that the kids need access to both kids.
I know my W doesn't feel like she abandoned our kids, however to everyone else it does appear so. As a matter of fact she said this to me in one of our convos, "if I knew that you were going to fight for the kids, I would have never left without them". I’m not sure what her rush was to get to NM. Perhaps there is/was a OM? I don’t know. It doesn’t matter. She left and now lives 1100 miles away. The kids are with me and seem to be doing really well.
Now she has been gone just over 3 months and she hasn’t come back to see them. She has not even entertained the idea that I know of. I couldn’t go that long without seeing them.
I obviously didn't know how things were going to play out. I looked into moving to NM, however there are not any jobs for me there.
Then things changed since she moved. Her mom got sick and hospitalized. Now she is responsible for caring for my MIL. My MIL is the executor for my W's grandparents, so my MIL is responsible for taking care of their bills, insurances, etc. Guess who takes on that responsibility while my MIL can't? You get the picture.
With everything on her plate, where does she fit our kids into her schedule?
Who will be taking care of them while she has work events or has to travel?
I got off topic and now I'm rambling.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
And I'm not back peddling here, but I was playing devil's advocate to some degree. There was a lot of judgment regarding your W and saying she abandoned the kids, so that makes her wrong and you right.
In all fairness, from where I sit, it looks like she abandoned the kids. But I do not know her reasons for leaving without the kids nor do I know why she has not contacted them or visited them as little as she has.
It sounds like you are doing the "right" thing for the kids and it does not sound like you would deny your W access to the kids. Other than that, it would be up to her to maintain her contact and connection with the kids.
In the same way that it has been up to me to maintain contact and visits with my kids. And to fight for what is best for them within the context that both my W and I can participate and provide for the needs of the kids.
The best that things can be, given the current sitch...
In all fairness, from where I sit, it looks like she abandoned the kids. But I do not know her reasons for leaving without the kids nor do I know why she has not contacted them or visited them as little as she has.
Just wanted to clarify something.
She does call them at least once or twice a day. Sometimes they don’t feel like talking. When they don’t feel like talking, I try to encourage them to talk to her. Even if it is just to say, “good night, love you mommy”. I want her to hear their voices and of course I want them to hear her’s.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
She does call them at least once or twice a day. Sometimes they don’t feel like talking. When they don’t feel like talking, I try to encourage them to talk to her. Even if it is just to say, “good night, love you mommy”. I want her to hear their voices and of course I want them to hear her’s.
As a parent who is in the role as your wife is (away from my daughter), I am sure she appreciates you very much man. I know I appreciate my wife very much when she makes an effort to make my daughter talk to me.
BITS M 38 W 36 D 7 Married 15 yrs W left for 6 months in 2009 W Filed for D 01/03/11 piecing now...
As a parent who is in the role as your wife is (away from my daughter), I am sure she appreciates you very much man. I know I appreciate my wife very much when she makes an effort to make my daughter talk to me.
She does appreciate it. She has said thank you for it before this last week.
After this last week, I don’t expect any positive feedback from her for awhile.
Originally Posted By: Kaffe Diem
Ah... OK...
To me, that stands out strong in its own right.
Thank you for clarifying that.
No problem. I want to be fair to my W.
TBH, she is a great mom. I have no idea what she is going on with her.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
The orders are in the Land of Entrapment(NM). My W will be getting served either tomorrow or Friday.
I'm preparing myself for the next episode of LITB drama.
I reviewed the paperwork and she will get them as they were posted in my last thread.
When that call comes, do I even answer it?
Should I wait until she cools off? That might be awhile.
What to do?
I do know to blame my L and deflect the blame. Not sure it will matter. She blames me for rumors that I have nothing to do with.
Stay tuned........
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
My recommendation... higher a vocal coach... and have them stand one foot away from your dominant ear and yell at the top of their lungs for one hour. Six sessions of that and you might be ready...
IMO, IF she calls, answer. Say nothing, if possible. If opportunity arises and your emotions are in check, validate as appropriate. Then when she's mostly done and starts asking real questions, excuse yourself and tell her that you may be available to talk about it in a week, but if she has any questions, she could email them to you...
