Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers 4 months........

So far so good in resisting temptation. All I can do is try my best.
Tonight I am volunteering to make dinner again for the residents with AIDS, and I am looking forward to that. The last time I did it I had such an amazing time. I am hoping this time will be just as rewarding.

DG, it's pretty remarkable to read your latest post and look back to where you were a few months ago. As they say, "you've come a long way, baby."

Like you, I've had a difficult time detaching and not snooping; with my W still in the house and involved in her EA, it's been very tough. But every time I find some evidence of her nonsense, I feel worse than before. And like others have said, what do I do with that evidence? We both know she's involved in an EA; it's not news.

Snooping is another form of trying to control someone, or something, that is completely out of your control. It has no benefit, and only makes a very bad situation that much worse.

I agree Telemark. I am trying to control something that I cannot control.
It is exhausting to keep trying, yet I still do it.

This morning I prayed to God asking for strength to not give in to my obsessions. I know I can do this.

^^^^ This jumped out at me DG. You have to make a decision every day to stop doing this. You CAN do it.

If you were to find something out, how would that change your DB strategy?

Keeping you in my prayers, DG.

Well, if he was sleeping with someone else that would be a deal breaker for me.
We agreed when we separated to not see other people, we both agree that cheating is something we won't tolerate.
But...I realize that I can only hold up my end of the bargain. Worrying and obsessing isn't getting me anywhere, and I don't want a relationship where I feel I need to do that anyway.

So...I will say my day is half over and I have not caved. I am going to keep quitting.

DG,

You can do this. I have now told my H that I know the number of the person he is talking to. I also told him about the trip to the attorneys office also. I have made up my mind to give up on my M. I know I will be happier in the end. Good luck to you and keep up the good work.

Be proud of me, I went a whole day without looking.
For me, this is a very big baby step.

<applause>

DG,

Don't beat yourself up over this "looking" thing.

Unless at this point your suffering from OCD, trust your instincts/gut, but don't talk yourself into "feeling" that there is something when there isn't. If you obsess, you take years off your life. I say this to help you remember your goal daily.

Pray for Wisdom and Clarity in addition to strength. You would be amazed at what comes to light.

Find SOMETHING to distract yourself when you begin obsessing.

I'm proud for you - I know how anxiety can induce repetitive and destructive behavior and you have to take it one moment at a time - its a habit (like picking your nose..) and you can change it.