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what a cheap shot

...good for you hanging up...

maybe you thought it was a prank call b/c it was so damn crazy??

Seriously, try not to think about it.

Have a glass of wine and put your feet up,

and be glad you are not her.

"I apologized to my W even though it was obviously true."

Never apologize for the truth. When she starts to spew, stop her in her tracks and say that you are willing to talk later and then hang up.

Think of your W like a spoiled teenager. When she thinks you're not "listening" to her, she gets loud and throws a tantrum. As a man, do you take that? Hell no. Not saying you need to be mean back, but you are the one who needs to take control back.

idk...

I still like hanging up. Keeps you from spewing back

and stops the "brat" from ruining our zen...

But, I could be wrong.

From my POV, I see it as him asserting himself. Sure it's easy to hang up, but that could be interpreted as fear. As sexist as it may sound, sometimes in a case like this, he has to assert his roll as the male. Not caveman-like, but showing that he will not tolerate silly accusations.

Part of it comes from not caring any more. Then that's when the WAS feels the shift being no longer in their favor. So many cases here (men and women) once they decided to not be the victim, things started turning around.

At the very least it may get her to respect him more once she figures out that he's not playing.

I like hanging up, but TELLING them you're going to hang up, so you are still the calm, in-control one:

"OK, that's just rude and disrespectful, and I value myself way too much to listen to that. I'm going to hang up now. Goodnight."

And then hang up.


Starsky

I can buy that Bond. (But it irks the crap out of them to hang up... )

and there is the chance that engaging with them will backfire,

esp if we lose our cool with them,

which is understandable in these circumstances.

But as I just told Alamo, I think it's important to speak up for yourself so if you don't hang up, you cannot just listen to spew. That is not what is meant buy "validating" the spouse.

Respect has to go both ways of course.

But while weak women can attract good men, e.g., rescuers,

I can't think of a healthy woman who is attracted to a weak man.


I wrote this to Alamo, and it applies here as well.

"Be strong; it's attractive. Be consistent; it's reliable. Be yourself; it's authentic."

((( )))

I totally agree. It takes awhile to get to the point where you no longer feel like you have to respond back in anger to them. I know you used to tell me that in my own sitch.

LITB,
If it helps any, when my W used to go on a crazy rant, I would actually visualize her as one of those crazy homeless people you see wandering around muttering to themselves. It really put things in perspective. The odd thing is that today, my W doesn't even remember all the stuff she used to say to me.

I was posting from my phone, so let me paint the picture a little better now that I am on my PC.

When she called, we were getting ready to walk out the door. I wanted to give her the courtesy of letting her know that I wasn't avoiding her or not allowing her to talk to the kids. I offered to let her talk to them while we drove to their reading class. She declined, saying that they would be too distracted.

When she started in on her attack, it caught me off guard. Some of it because of the anger, but mostly because I couldn’t believe what she was saying.

I felt like I wasn't going to be able to get a word in at that moment and more importantly, my S was next to me. I wasn't about to get into an exchange with her while he was next to me.

FWIW, I think both methods can be effective dependent on the sitch.

Thanks Bond for dropping in on my thread. I could feel myself getting ready to defend myself. The temp was rising, so it was best to hang up and be on my way.

The visualization does help. It wouldn’t surprise me if my W doesn’t remember things either. She said in Feb that she forgets the whole thing with the OM in Nov/Dec and is glad she came to her senses before it went further. Apparently she hasn’t completely come to her senses.

It felt like a prank call. When I was walking through the grocery store, I just kept shaking my head and kind of laughing to myself in disbelief.