Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers 74 Days - Who Knows?

What Cat said ^^^^ (well said, Cat)


and this "infidelity" and "deceit" commentary is a bit off target here anyhow.

Denver admits

that there no agreement or clear boundary setting for the separation



But they were absolutely separated

so let's not lump and equate every adulterer into the same pile.

It's not as if she was pretending all was well, in a happy intact family and THEN had an affair. Her perception does matter.



The important points are all in Cat's note above.

Please read it over again Denver.

Seriously, you are going to drive you and your w crazy.

You have to lighten up, or do some yoga or whatever you have to do....

but cool down!

PS


Did everyone else take amnesia pills?

Remember that Denver has some things to prove to HER...

SHE has to learn to trust HIM too....

and all this crazy making headwork is just dangerous.


Good grief Denver, you were praying for a chance. Remember how much it sukked that she wasn't with you??

You thought you and she were DONE less than a month ago!!


Then you get the miracle you so wanted. The concept of reconciliation is more than a mere concept now. OMG...


And We all said "Be cautious!! Don't rush things!"
You said "good point"...

SHE came up with a one month "time for ourselves" proposal, which was healthy. You agreed.


SHE chooses to give you her itinerary...a new thing for her. And

this was your chance to show her that you are different and your changes are real....

so what do you do?


You pine and whine & obsess with duress, about whether she's telling you the truth and how you can check on her and blah blah blah

= YOU ARE BLOWING IT!!!

GET OFF THE LEDGE DENVER...


What exactly are YOU showing HER with this nonsense?


Next month we can address how you want to disclose whatever you're compelled to...

but for now, you need to just back off and try to be the new man you claim you are.


I'm seeing a big backslide into old Denver here.

What's that going to be like if you do move in together? You really do need to work on this b/c you'll be out the door in a few weeks, for good, if you cannot get a workable plan here.


Jack has some good ideas but please remember to balance it out with your side of things.

If I recall correctly, jack did not have the issues you did.

Those issues were a huge part of why your w left in the first place.

So my question is

How are you going to show HER that YOU can be trusted

not to be the old Denver? You have some proving to do too...


PS---#2

Just so you know, some of this never ends but you have to stifle it. It does get smaller, and the good times get bigger and longer.

But yes, To this day, if h watches a show on Alaska or the tundra or some weird manly adventurous place...or buys a magazine or book about those places...

I get a little nervous.

Right. No "important points" in anyone else's posts, no siree. Just keep on moving, folks!!

My only point, 25, was that people need to stop apologizing for wanting transparency where there has been prior infidelity and deceit. It's perfectly reasonable. Should he obsess over it? Nope -- for the reasons Cat states. But seriously, all this eggshell walking when it comes to protecting oneself ... sheesh!

Starsky

Correct. But she agreed to do it ALONE.

Then Denver found another man sitting on his wife's toilet bowl.

Sorry, but that's a pretty important part to leave out, 25. There's no amnesia on this thread -- Denver has owned up to his own role in this, according to the consensus here, to a fault.

"Paranoia" is an unreasonable fear. I don't see anything unreasonable about Denver expecting his wife to live up to her commitment to go thru this period without the influence of a third party.

Just my opinion, but it's just as valid as anyone else's.

Starsky

Starsky,

Your word is just as important as anyone else's here , and although your experience is masqueraded , it doesn't fall on deaf ears to anyone.

Thank you for your post, albeit the timeline is backward.

Denver agreed to give the one month period of time AFTER Toilet Bowl I

Neither has/is doing a good job at being honest with the other.

Break a cycle to change something.

Not talking trust, maybe a bit of good-faith?

I'd see what happens after "needing Space".

Anything prior to that "needing space" being over...and you didn't do what you said you would.

That's it man. Not going to harp any more on it.

Sorry Starsky. I meant the points I WANTED I thought were important in MY posts

were already in hers...

Denver, have you ever tried meditating? It's a great way to hear your "gut" rather than your fears.

You don't have to sit cross-legged, chanting ommm. When I'm spinning, for whatever reason, I lie down for a couple minutes, after I'm ready for work, and let my mind sort itself out.

Driving on the highway helps too. But we live near the country-side. Not sure if busy freeways would help!

Meditating is the best for me, and I think I know what you're feeling...

I will go back and check Denver's threads. I'm almost certain that his wife asked for space, and promised to take the time without either Denver or OM, to figure things out, and that "no OM" was part of the reason why Denver agreed to this.

Denver, can you point us to the right date range in your sitch? You are PROLIFIC with your posting, lol!!!


Starsky

Not taking sides here Starsky, but Cat is correct. The toilet event happened on June 1st, the W and I had our long conversation in which we agreed that she would take June to just be by herself on June 3rd.

I have lots of responses to all of the posts that my thread got yesterday, and also have an update... but it will have to wait because I am slammed with work for the next couple of days!

Denver