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^^^^^ Multiple replies to all of you above...


Update...

Didn't hear from W on Tuesday at all.

W called me at about 6:15 on Wednesday evening. I ignored the call.

W texted me about 20 minutes later... "I'm leaving tomorrow"

(WTF was that suppose to mean!?)

I waited an hour before finally calling her back. She didn't answer.

She texted me a few minutes later that she was at her sister's (as she had told me she would be a couple of day earlier), and that she would call me later.

W called at about 9:30 p.m. We spoke for 30 minutes.

W and I talked about what she had been doing for the past couple of nights. I did ask her some prying questions in an attempt to confirm things.

I'm sure that W picked up on that, but answered my questions without objection.

I suppose she could have lied about some or all of her answers... but I didn't get that impression.

Everything with the conversation was really pleasant.

At the end of the conversation, I told W that I hoped that she had fun visiting her friend (she was leaving this morning to drive to her gf's house in southern Colorado)... that she could touch base with me if she liked... but that otherwise, I'd let her do her thing.

----

W sent a text to her mom, her sister, and to me tonight letting us know that she had gotten to the town where her gf lives safely and that she'd be in touch.

I texted a short reply thanking her for letting me know and to tell her gf hello for me.

That's it for now!

Denver

Then I will -- with the help of the others -- support you. I just disagree. It goes back to that "able" vs. "willing" thing I posted previously. I do think your wife is sincere about WANTING to be NC with the guy; I'm just not sure that she's CAPABLE right now.

'nuff said; there's more important work to be done.


Starsky

I smell a rat, but it's not the rat everyone probably THINKS I smell. Ordinarily, I"m a big "trust but verify" guy, and I'd be suspicious of ANY "trip to see a g/f" a wayward wife would have so soon after not completely pushing OM out of her life. 9 times out of 10, it's an EA-going-PA.

I think your wife is with her g/f, and she's testing you. To see if you'll snoop on her, check up on her, believe her. DON'T TAKE THE BAIT. She still reeks of resentment and entitlement (altho she's coming around), and I think she's just ITCHING to tell you -- and everyone -- "See? SAME OL' DENVER, CONTROL FREAK IS CHECKING UP ON ME! I CAN'T LIVE LIKE THIS!!!"

Or, they could just be shopping.


Starsky

LOL. I'll admit I didn't see this post coming.

I agree 100% with Starsky on this. Just one big test.

Denver, be a Rock.

I agree with you guys. It is very unlikely that she is lying about being with her gf. This friend is also very good friends with W's sister... and W's sister has been very critical of W's actions over the past 7 months. So I don't think that W would risk using this particular gf as an alibi or even as a story as to where she is.

I also agree that she is testing me. I don't think that I will have any problems passing this one though. I actually feel MUCH better knowing that W is out of town and with her friends. So I'm just going to let her be while she is gone.

----

quick update...

W posted on FB last night: "The five hour drive was good therapy. Now it's time for beer and girl time!"

The 'therapy' comment is interesting, but I'm not going to try and read into it.

Denver

well THANK GOD you won't "read into it"!!

...it's called girl time and 5 hours in a car with your female peeps is FUN

and THAT'S therapeutic....sheesh Denver...stop the stinkin' thinkin'!

You need me to come thru this Mac and slap you around some? Come on...lighten up.

In fact, why are you even reading her FB??

Hahahaha...

I read her FB so that I can find out what is going on with her... Why else?

At least you know that I am truthful here.

I KNOW that you and Cat are right about me lightening up... but you find an OW on your H's toilet and see how light you are about it afterwards! LOL...

I jest... mostly.

I know where I need to be and I'm working to get there... I"m getting better. Everyone's feedback definitely helps.

Thanks all!

Denver

if I found OW on my h's toilet seat....hmmm

have to visualize and ponder that awhile.

Oh wait, no I don't.


I'd have handled it, at best, like you.

At worst, well

I might have a baseball around here somewehre...

I would flush for her - if H was in the shower

Denver,

How would I handle it?

Well, how I handled similar situations...

The first, I got her fired.

The next, I met with her, had a conversation, hugged her, and called her husband.

Next, called her and was not very nice.

The last, I ignored.

The first three, I felt good for about 15 minutes.

The last, I feel good about myself. There was no need for me to have anything to do with her.

The truth is, each of them, has since, had much worse things happen to them in their lives (small town, big gossip).

I didn't have to do the things I did to make their lives miserable, because their lives became miserable anyway.

It wasn't worth it, but it was a lesson that I had to learn the hard way.

Did I put full trust back into my H and my M right away after each incident?

No. He earned it again the first three times. Unfortunately, he then broke it again down the road.

So, if that happened in my new R?

I probably wouldn't say too much, except maybe, probably goodbye.

We will hope that my ability to character assess and be a great partner has improved this time