Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Piecing Our Marriage Back Together Again XYZ is here, but I won't be staying...

I'm on cloud freaking #9 - just got TM from W: "I was nice to have good interactions with you last night, you didn't irritate me :)"

My reply: "I enjoyed it too and you didn't irritate me either ;)"

W: "good"

(nothing more from me, leave her wanting more)

I know that's not much, but the cat is peaking around the corner. Just stay calm, she has to come to me. Note to self: don't f this up.

Feels kinda like that first date when the chick calls you the next day to say she had a good time.

One more note: I realized during this process how much of a "ponder-er" W is. In other words, when we used to fight, we'd talk, (I thought) resolve it, and I would move on and forget about it. The next day (and sometimes for several days), however, she was always upset again. I never got it. I understand now how she thinks and replays things over and over during a period of days or weeks. That's good, she'll replay this positive today and tomorrow and so on....

TM from W: "Is it too late for therapy"

(I jump up from my desk and fist pump the air just like I'm from Jersey or something)

Me: "not for me. Would you like me to call you?"

W: "About to drop off the kids, I'll call you after."

Me: "Ok, please do"

Waiting. Careful careful, don't scare her. Slow slow slow. This is where I messed up last time by going too fast and no ground rules. Learn from that mistake.

Talked with W: She told me that she'd been thinking about some of the things I had said and agreed that she was pissed off and maybe not entirely fair. I validated her by saying that I think we're both pissed, and probably both about 80% legit with somethings that weren't fair to the other. She agreeed and would like to keep the living conditions as is (i.e. separated) and try marriage counseling. I agreed and told her that I would want a "pro-marriage" counselor so that ideally we are both healthy and happy but also married. She agreed. We chatted a bit and I told her thanks for this. She said it was difficult, but wanted to do it.

Piecing round 2 started and I couldn't be happier.

J3B - any and all advice is much appreciated here.

I guess I have the sign that I've been looking for....

F-ing amazing. I really (not just pretend) get to the point where I know I'll be fine with or without her, I get confident again, I detach, I become fun again, I GAL, I'm mysterious and ..... she starts to come around. Whoda thunk it? Answer - everybody here that's been through this. She is so text book. That's a lesson - she's text book to this point, she'll most likely continue to be. Don't rush, lead, but don't rush. Stay confident. Continue to GAL. Talking to myself, that's can't be a good sign.

DUUUUUUDE

I am frickin' sitting in my office smiling like a nutjob.

i am so excited and happy for you right now.

At least the good part is I think you are better prepared for the second go-round.

I know from what you told me in the past this is a HUGE step for her. I think you acknowledged it as such.

you know you are just at the beginning #2. all the stuff from the first go-round will serve you very will - the main being patience.

Incredible!! X, ditto what H said. As you know, I'm at the point of really, really feeling good about the GALing/180's/dark. Definitely will be following your progress so we all can learn. So happy for you...take your own advice, bud--it's working!

100 times on the blackboard....
I will not screw this up (again)
I will not screw this up (again)
I will not screw this up (again)
I will not screw this up (again)
I will not screw this up (again)
I will not screw this up (again)
I will not screw this up (again)

You and me both, brother. You and me both.