Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers The big punch - Redux

What I would like to tell her:

"It is time to stop passing the blame for your life, and start accepting responsibility for it. You are an adult. YOU made the decision to leave. You chose this path, and yet you continue to blame me for the consequences. I will no longer accept this blame, and especially not in front of D. Enough damage has been done by giving her a broken home, it is not healthy for her to see us interact like this. One day she will grow up and model her own R on this. Is this what you want for her?"

Should you tell her this? Maybe not in such a blunt manner, but this message is one I think she needs to hear.

SF, i really like what you said. Will definitely use it next time this drama plays out.

She is try to cake eat big time.

Journaling...

I think i did something that is against most rules said here on these forums.

I talked to my FIL about what happened on sunday.

I contemplated on actually talking to my L on how hard it is getting to talk to my daughter and how my wife keeps dragging it to the R talk. But i recall my FIl saying i could talk to him if i needed to. So i did. And i think it was good in a way.

We talked lot of stuff for 1 hr. But enough to say that they are trying from their side to convince wife to get back. Apparently she is also seeing how when she goes to social events, daughter stares at other dad's....That really ripped my heart out. That should not be happening to my baby. my Wife left the marriage saying it was to give daughter a better happy life. I am sure what happiness she has shown daughter till now. Its pathetic. Its funny, my FIL kept telling me to 'hold on' for a while and then things will get better. My wife's family knows very well that i'll go nowhere and that i'll always be at their beck-and-call.

My daughter should not lose on having a family environment. It pains me to see her like this.

My wife is still on the high horse taking 0 responsibility to what happened.

I am not sure what to do anymore. I am just gonna work on myself. Yup the pain to see daughter like this is bad. But as a human there's only so much i can do and i am sincerely trying. If she decides to come back, I'll welcome her only after there are lot of changes...from all of us. If she does not, I'll be there for my daughter and try to live my life for myself...

On a positive note, I am planning on a skydiving class in mid-july. Always loved it. I am really looking into getting into the training classes. Something to look forward to i guess.

Do they know this? It's hard to tell what others know, but I think this post shows what you think you know.

How about changing this to My wife's family might think that i'll go nowhere. They're wrong.

LP, yea to be clear. I am assuming they know this about me. My wife's family knows me very well. They also know how much i begged and cried after she broke the news.

I'd love to convert that situation to "They think they know that i'd wait but who knows...."

Who knows...with all this mess happening i am actually beginning to like my freedom nowadays

But even if am so predictable one they dont know is that me accepting her back is not un-conditional. As i said both of us messed up here and i have owned my part sincerely. She has not. If i go back into this relationship with her being the same way, I am sure i'll end up here again. And honestly i dont think i have any more strength left me to deal with it again. So if we can both agree that each had our part in this mess and agree that we will work hard toward our relationship with no more blaming or finger-pointing, then yes, there could be a future for us. Otherwise I really don't want to get back on that boat again.

Good for you for recognizing that, MyK. I think that's the only way to be successful if there were to be a R.

Yes, the freedom is intoxicating! The single lifestyle does have some things to be said for it

My point and my message are that PMA is *everything*. It took me a long time to realize the difference between feeling down from time to time and feeling sorry for myself. I'm sensing some of the 'sorry for myself' vibe from your posts.

I don't envy you, your W is not coming across as a very pleasant person right now (severe understatement). For your own sake, you need to change the mindset. You may have messed up, but it's all in the past now and you only need to be concerned about the person you are now, not the person you were then.

You *will* be fine, but you have to *believe* that you will. Even when you are down. Once that sinks in, your whole world opens up for you!

And I give you props for the skydiving... I've talked about it for decades and still haven't psyched myself up to do that

Jbnati, thanks for chiming in. I just need to keep up that momentum.



LP, you definitely nailed this. I am pretty good at throwing pity parties for myself

For most of my life i let circumstances rule me. This is the first time i am actually taking charge and it feels good. The only hole honestly is that of my daughter. But right now i need to work on myself to be better. Then i can be a better father to her. Thanks for your support.

Yup, the anticipation of going skydiving has kept me excited this week. I am planning for this weekend. Scared and thrilled at the same time !!

Good for you for escaping that trap. I feel like my W sometimes has fallen into that trap. Perhaps yours has, too.



That is awesome!! I'm sure it'll be something you will never forget!

Indeed, that is awesome. I'm looking forward to hearing how your experience goes.