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Everything happens in baby steps. Do not over interpret small positive signs. Keep on your path. Pay attention to yourself and your kids first. Your W will come along when she is ready.

Don't overreact!!

Thank you any chance!! it is very nice to get some feedback. I will keep on my path. I know it is the only way for me to move forward at this point. I live for my kids and want them to be happy as well as myself. IF it means enough to her to have her family back she will eventually prove that.

kids went to her apt tonight to eat dinner and hang out. I stayed at home and cleaned house, watched braves game and then decided to get dressed. I put on jeans, tight fitting shirt and nice shoes, shaved and combed my hair. Slapped on some cologne and went to walmart. HAHA. The reason for the dressing up was to pick kids up and make her wonder.

Early today she called before she came to get the kids, I answered because it was close to time to come get them and figured she would say she wasnt coming or running late.

She began to cry again, and tell me she doesnt spend enough time with them and always having to leave them. Wanted them to spend the night tonight and she would lock them in apt when she left at 6am. D14 has volleyball practice at 9, I told her that right now it seemed the kids were getting adjusted and liked that they could come home on nights that she had to leave early for work. She complained that i spend more time with them and always doing things with them. She doesnt get to do things with them. I advised her that there has been numerous times that she could have them and even spend the night on weekends, but she didnt take advantage of them. She cried that she misses them. I told her that without a doubt me and the kids wish things could be different. I told her that me nor them could change things and left it at that. Did not tell her that she could change them, but she is smart enought to know what I meant.

I told her I would ask the kids if they were ok with spending the night and would let her know. I went to d14 and s12 and asked them together and d14 said if she had to spend the night then she would not go. S12 said he didnt care, but he does not want disapoint anyone. So I told them that they stick together as a group and that they didnt have to stay.

I called her back and advised her of what they said, and she said ok and told me she would be there to pick them up in 10 minutes. When she said bye, if was very soft and sweet.

when i got to her apt, i told my sister in law to text me a couple of times and I would check them while i was there and smile at the phone. I know it a bit of a game but i didnt write the rules i just play by them. i knocked on door and s12 answered it, w came to door and said s8 was asleep on coach and I would have to come in a get him. I walked in she looked at me from head to toe. As soon as i went to get s8 from sofa my phone went off with about 4 text messages. I stopped and looked at them with a smile on my face. I picked him up and started for the door. W asked me if I wanted a homemade brownie,and i replied no thank you, she then asked if I wanted some shrimp fettacunni, which I did want some of that, but I replied the same no thank you.

I walked down the stairs and she told me to be careful and goodnight, i replied goodnight.

I can only imagine the amount of emotions she was dealing with not only where i have been, and who was texting and why i was smiling at them, but more importantly than that, is the fact that s8 had to go home and I had to carry him down stairs. I know it hurts her, but again not kids choice or mine for her to leave. Nothing we can do to change it.

But is was a positive outcome, and its small steps for me and her.

goodnight all, I pray for us all.

Take, you are in a similar sit to me. I will post more later when I have time and back to a pc, however you MUST keep doing what is working. You have physical signs that what you are doing is working, the signs I get are not, but I know they are.

you are portraying the right things, time and patience my friend.

This is one of THE most common questions you see on this entire forum, so I completely understand the fear.

But TRUST US (trust the BOOK, actually): the "push/pull" attraction dynamic of men and women isn't this fragile, Take/2. You can't "break" it by a little darkness or dimness. If she's ready, she will continue to pursue.

A friend of mine around here used to say "be like a cat whisperer" or "be catnip." Women are like cats; you ever try to pursue after a cat? They just run away.


Starsky

Great post. Take/2, I sympathize immensely, man. I just went dark--about two week and have similar thoughts/reservations as you. However, there must be something to this push/pull, because W IS contacting me more and trying to engage in more conversation when picking up th kids since going dark and being more mysterious/unavailable.

You're doing great and give yourself "mini-celebrations" when GALing, especially when it's for you!!! Not her...boy, that one was really big for me to finally get. Peace~

Thank you Gal, Starsky, and Direction1. I trust what you say and and I trust what I have read in the book. I also believe what DB coach has said. She told me last week that W has not been out there long enough to feel her true remorse and doesnt know how to piece it back together yet.

Patience is truly the key here. After having a good night with w and seeing some signs of improvement I feel like she should call this morning and put it all back together today. That is the part that is hard for me, PATIENCE.

And yes the GALing thing is a good thing, and I know she was really concerned last night as she could smell me and as she put her hand on my back while kissing s8 goodnight.

I am very fortunate to have a great friend that has been a God sent through all of this. She went through the same type of stich with her husband a year ago. She has coached me and helped me make some good decisions when i have to come in contact with w. She tells me almost word for word what w reaction is going to be before it happens.

She also told me not to be afraid of pushing her away by GALing and going dark. She told me that when w if ready to come back nothing will stand in her way. No om, no woman that may be in my life, she will not care what others think. No 100 men could stand in her way. And when she is ready she will scream it from the rooftops that she made a mistake and ask for another chance.

I truly believe her and also you guys on here, this has been an amazing site for me, the book and the DB coach by phone.

And yes Direction1 it has been a better feeling knowing that I have been doing some things for me and my kids. I know I can do this and I know my w doesnt have much ammo left to throw at me. The ammo she has thrown so far I have not reacted or showed much emotion to it. I validated her on all the issues and stayed calm and relaxed.

I will continue my fight, with God as my pilot. Thank you all for the responses,man was that the greatest thing to wake up to this morning.

Take/2,

If you figure out that "PATIENCE" part, let the rest of us know.


Starsky

Dont want to hijack your thread take but I got a lot from your post. Will reply again in a bit





Wish I could have a db coach, but not possible from UK. Would love to hear more of what she said, or says in the future.



Agree, patience, hard but is what is needed



Would so much like this to be the case in my sit, but W is so stubborn, I can not see it happening, but you never know



Amen to that

PRIDE- such a huge thing to overcome for my H too