All good Bro, All good. You know what GAL means. I won't bother to tell ya
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
I have started going back to the gym and am somewhat focused on that. I'm also trying to refocus on work... which isn't going well so far.
KEEP GOING TO THE GYM. Push yourself on the weights. The afterglow and endorphins give you a "High" that you can't achieve without doing illegal narcotics. You owe that to yourself. Hard to get there, but a sense of an accomplishment that's worth it. Trust me on that. It's tough, but perseverance gives you strength.
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
Do my feelings of missing my W come out to her even though I don't say anything? I don't know. Maybe you are right. But I have been pretty good about NOT initiating contact with her, and sounding very happy every time she contacts me.
I'm convinced, but can't scientifically prove they have a built in radar. THEY KNOW. Connection, love, attraction, guilt, etc. They know.
Don't contact her, let her pursue. Not in a "you are better than her way", but in a way that you let her see YOU are okay without her. I might get flack, but women don't want an ez target. Men don't either unless it's just sex. Make sense?
No brainer, keep doing what you are doing. However, do what you say you are going to do.
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
I am determined NOT to contact her when I am feeling this way, or feeling insecure or in need of reassurance. I may have messed up yesterday with that, but that was a little different bc I was getting ready to book a very expensive trip.
Your determination on this is a GOOD thing.
An expensive trip? I'd take a happy expensive vacation with the woman I love any day over an expensive devastating divorce. Not only could I look in the mirror and knew I tried, but in your perspective...I'd get to hug minnie mouse
Originally Posted By: Denver_2010
I am curious about what 'negative' that you elected not to 'drill' me on... I can take it Faith...
THIS is a good thing. My negative....quit being the feminine one. Be the man. The polarity right now has shifted. SHOW STRENGTH. Don't miss her, make her miss you. Not macho, but like my first post on THIS thread. Leave her wanting more.
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
I was just journaling about that in my thread last night. Our roles reversed too. I think that H tried to make up for his anger by becoming the W in a some ways. Faith is right, and I can't speak for all women, but I agree that women don't want TOO EASY a target.
Def read that book; I think that that's what it's all about. I was going to start last night but fell asleep.
Now I'm not sure anyone here would put money on your OM to be a fine upstanding guy. More like a clinger, you know the type the one who doesn't give up when the girlfriend says its over, a desperate fool who thinks if he just hangs on long enough she'll see the light...sort of like...most LBSes at first. ; )
So, do you see where I might be going here Denver?
I ask because several times I could have jumped to the horrible wrong conclusion.
You drive by her house, and he is outside talking with her.
Is that strike one?
Maybe she is talking to him because after 30 minutes of knocking and ringing the doorbell she got tired of it, and while 'we' can say call the cops...thats not the reality. Despite what we wish, or want. Outside rather than inside, public rather than private.
If you're going to call strikes, make sure your a good umpire.
I would only call a strike if I had good intel telling me it was really a strike, so you make a great point, Jack.
All the more reason reason, I think, to go thru this thought process NOW, ahead of time.
Do my feelings of missing my W come out to her even though I don't say anything? I don't know.
Ohhhhh yeah, they do.
Faith is giving you sage advise, Denver. These next few weeks are crucial on your journey, I have a feeling.
Starsky
Absolutely NO question that the next few weeks are crucial. No pressure though, right??
M 43 X 38 T 13 W moves out of home 11/2010 Roller coaster from hell 2/2011-5/2012 I request divorce 5/2012 W moves home 6/2012 Good time 7/2012 - 1/2015 I leave 3/2016 process of divorce
My boundary is one that I feel very prepared to enforce. I just can't imagine myself not following through with what I've put in place if she crosses it. That is just how I feel.
And what if she crosses it?
What then?
Something to think about before the fact if I may borrow Starsky's dilemma scanario.
Can you set a boundary and have no emotion when it is croseed?
Will you have greater anger when it is crossed?
There is one thing I can tell you...
Never will you have more regret than walking away from a life changing decision such as this ....
With ANGER.
So
Where is the peace?
In you making a decision. And nothing deterring you from it.
Stay or go?
Is she worth it?
Why are you here?
Cause you don't want to lose?
Cause you need vindication for your sins?
Or
Becuase you love your wife and you believe in marriage and that sets you on a path that has nothing to do with any other person's decisons but yours.
Stand?
Becuase of you. NOT because of what your W chooses.
Enforce your boundary.
But walk away knowing why you did.
And it ain't because someone chose to cross it.
Because it is for YOU.
Thin is the line between the two.
In the end you will know because of your anger.
My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
