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She's been to the doctor on a couple of occasions prior to us getting married plus her mom and my wife both had told me previously on separate occasions that the doctors wanted to put her on lithium when she was a kid because of her BPD. We've been married for 31/2 years and been together for 6 years total. We both moved to this state at around the same time and she ended up working as a temp where I worked at the time.

She carried around a lot of depression as it is because since we've been married she has lost both her parents and regrets not talking to them more. Something else she won't get help in dealing with. I know what a toll losing them has been for her.

I've been reading some of the book some of it so far has been pretty interesting.

I've been trying to figure that out as well. I realize that it takes two to make something not work and I've been trying to reflect on what I could have done wrong. I honestly don't know or I haven't done enough self searching to find the answer yet one. Prior to her leaving I asked her to be brutal with me and just tell me what I did wrong. She just said nothing and said she has a great husband and a good life but the responsibilities that come with being married she really doesn't want anymore.

I'm trying to put myself in a mindset to where I can function normally but this is all very consuming honestly. I bought some sleeping pills so maybe I can get more than 2 hours of sleep tonight.

I told her the factor that we are best friends is what makes this all the harder on me. I didn't say much on the subject really.

I'm seeing quite a few things in the book that I like. I'm about 50 pages into the book so far and there is quite a few things that really ring true like how the silver screen portrays marriage and divorce. How friends biased opinions are self serving. I had told my wife before that friends only hear one side of the story but never really thought that it as self serving. That's actually pretty true. One interesting question she asks about 50% of marriages failing is that 50% of them succeed. My wife actually brought that up on Monday and I didn't even think about the other half. So I hope in reading this that I will be able to figure out what I've done wrong. I've been focusing on trying to figure out her that I haven't thought as much as I probably should be on what I could do differently.

Good job. It's more helpful to change your actions immediately than to 'diagnose' her, figure her out, and try to force her to change.

All you have to do is begin with you. Focus on the things that are already good, build on top of those strengths. Take the things that have changed from when things were good, and make them as good or better than waybackwhen.

So I'm getting ready to start the section on The Building Blocks of Solution-Oriented Thinking

So far there has been a number of things I have been able to relate to our marriage.

One for instance my wife had come to me several months ago and mentioned that she wasn't happy because I come home talk to her for a few minutes and get on the computer and do other projects. Also said we don't go out enough

Upon hearing that I came home checked my email and then spent the evening watching TV with her. I look back now and see that even then we didn't talk as much as we would just watch TV. Sure I would reach across the couch and hold her hand here and there or occasionally when she was up go give her a hug but perhaps maybe I should have just shut the TV off and spent more time talking to her. I would also try to plan a movie for the weekend which she wasn't always in the mood to go see but even in that case we would catch a noon show go see the movie do some errands and come home and repeat the pattern we normally do.

As said in the book she was no longer complaining so I took it as that she was happy. I know now that was one of my errors. Makes me anxious to finish the book.

The Anytime Mid-Life Crisis didn't really sound anything like what I have gone through so far but it does sound kind of familiar for her. It could very well pertain to me as well I'll have to see as I get further into the book.

Does it get into what to do when your spouse has already moved out and contemplating divorce?

I'm confused by some of the contents of the book. I am understanding some of the things I did wrong and what I could have done to help prevent situations like were in now from occurring. However it seems that a good bit of the book is written under the assumption that you are both living under the same roof still.

I'm currently on Step #5 and I don't really understand how I apply this when we are barely speaking at the moment

Ok so I have read The Last-Resort Technique now talked about towards the end of Step 5 so basically since my wife has moved out and is thinking about divorce I need to:

Don't text or call her wait for her to get ahold of me
When we do talk don't mention the relationship problems
Act happy when she is here
Keep myself busy

Correct?
I've been going on walks frequently but like I said previously I don't really have any friends around here to go hang out with

Last night my brother-in-law brought my wife over so she could get a couple pairs of clothes. When they were leaving she kept her eyes on the ground but gave me a slight hug and kiss and said "love you" on her way out. of course instinct kicked in and I did the same thing back. I haven't talked to her at all today even though it's been really tempting to text her. She's doesn't like to talk on the phone ever so she texts everyone she wants to talk too

My brother in law doesn't have hot water at his house so they normally either go over to the neighbors or go his wife's mothers house to shower. My wife asked if she could come over here to shower. I said it's fine by me. She also asked if she could leave some of her stuff here for now till we get it figured out exactly what were doing. She said she would take all her stuff if I wanted her too but there wasn't enough room in her brother's basement really. I read about doing small favors for your spouse when having problems. I would think these qualify?

This is really making me sick to my stomach literally.

I just can't understand how it is we've been together so many years and she's not texting me or anything at the very least to see how I'm doing.

The Last Resort Technique says not too even though it goes against my instincts so I'm trying really hard not to do it.

I just feel so alone here. I go outside to take a walk and try to clear my head. I haven't got anyone around to talk to except for the dogs. I got my family that live a short ways away but it's just as depressing there because of my dad's health. I don't really want to go anywhere. I went to the grocery store earlier but that's it.

She was supposed to have came over earlier today but instead of letting me know she wasn't going to she stayed at a friend of her's house all weekend and won't be back at her brother's till tomorrow after work...I'm a little annoyed if she wasn't going to pick up any of her stuff she could have said so at least then I could have spent a little more time with my dad. I even text her earlier to find out if she still was going to be here at 5 and she never did respond