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Feeling a little down this evening. Been sick, so I've been cooped up in this tiny apartment. Felt good enough to go out tonight, but most of my friends are doing an activity that OM and W are at, so I'm by myself. Still not feeling well enough to go on a run, but I did walk the run distance I need for training.

I pushed myself to get out of the apt this evening. Ate dinner at local bar/burger place. Good food and beer, but looking around I realize I really long for companionship. That's how I'm built and/or been raised. I'm fine doing things by myself and for myself, but it's never really the same. I've done several cross country trips alone, so I'm used to the solitude, but it just isn't the same without someone to share it with.

Thought I've had now for a couple of weeks: last anniversary (4th in Oct) W and I went to Key West. We'd planned it before separating but still went and had a great time. For the fifth, I've considered (sorry 25) going to Alaska alone, as it's the complete opposite end of the US, and the only state I haven't been to. It feels both exciting and sad to plan this out.

I really have mixed feelings about the upcoming concert W and I are going to on Sunday. I'm glad she's coming with me, but I also wish we'd just have a clean break for closure.

Honestly, I don't know what I want right now. Sigh...

Let it come naturally LP. I sincerely believe that we have to go through the pain head on in order to properly deal with it. Your answer will come though.

Keep your head up man. You are not alone in this.

BITS
Denver

Denver,
I know you are right. I know that I have to 'feel' each of the emotions as they come along, so rather than trying to suppress the negative feelings, I let them come over me knowing they will not last forever.

I think right now I'm in a feedback loop. Still coughing and sick, sleeping poorly, so this is affecting my moods. The moods are also affecting my sleep. Sometimes it's hard to break this cycle. Eventually I'll crash and get a full night sleep.

Our department is having a reorganization meeting at 2pm today. The assumption is that no one is losing their jobs, just shuffling departments around. If anyone *was* to be cut, well, I'm lowest on the totem pole. Something else to look forward to today

In the obligatory good news department, SD can't get in to see an eye dr until Friday, but she did find her glasses, so she can at least see until then (she's practically blind). She also sent a picture of her and her new puppy and it was so cute. It was a nice thing to (attempt to) fall asleep to last night.

Good morning LP

Sorry your in that vicious cycle of sleeplessness. Do a little research on insomnia......If your stuffed up, sore throat and coughing you might be experiencing sleep apnea? Do you have a regular schedule and ritual for bedtime. Quiet, dark, cool place, we use a fan on low for that hmmmm and that helps.

No cell phone or land line to wake u?
Herbal tea at bedtime.

I know its frustrating to function and deal with all thats going on when your sleep deprived. Maybe talk with your doctor

You do know that supressed neg ( anger ) = depression. anger turned inwards. Beat on a pillow, punching bag, scream in the shower!! etc.
You've gots to go thru these feelings....let them out!

Good luck with your meeting today.

I had a corneal abrasion when i was in college. late night studying it hurts soooo bad. I hope your daughter gets in soon to the Dr. Ya can't mess with your eyesite.

Thinking of ya

Sunny

Thanks for checking in Sunny!

Unfortunately, I'm all too familiar with insomnia, been a problem most of my life. I have Ambien for it, but I don't like to take it too often. When an insomnia streak starts for me, it usually lasts 3-5 days then I crash. Longest I had was close to a month, during this whole sitch. That was no fun... Good thing about being on my own is that I can at least turn lights on now and read in bed. Used to have to leave the bedroom when I'd wake up in the night. Gotta look for all the positives in the single life

I went through an anger phase from about March-early May. I think that's mostly out of my system now. Going dark has also helped lessen the anger and triggers for it.

I just realized I only have to work a half day tomorrow. I think I'll set my alarm a little later. Then again, after this afternoon, maybe I won't have to set my alarm at all

Well, today was both boring and eventful. Work is sooooo slow right now. The good news is that I still have a job They officially announced the reorg, and our department is going away, but they're moving my whole section into another department. They may shuffle some jobs in the near future, but that's ok, I'm ready to move on.

Speaking of moving on, I applied for a job today in the Denver area. This is where W grew up and I really wouldn't mind moving there someday. It would be a shame if I got a job there and W was stuck in MI.

Speaking of W, I initiated contact with her for the first time in over a month. Had to tell her a few details about concert we're going to. My email -
W,
Just wanted to give you a heads up on some of the policies and stuff going on for the concert. Show starts at 7, gates open at 5:30. No alcohol on campus on Sunday and no purses/backpacks or pretty much anything is allowed in the stadium. http://special.news.msu.edu/u2/policies.php

Also, my co-worker Amy and her friend are parking at my apartment. They'll be coming between 6 and 6:30. If you'd like to park here there will be room. Let me know as there is construction and I'd have to give you a small detour. We will have wine or margaritas or something before heading to the stadium. They're going to eat before hand, I haven't decided what I'm doing yet.

Let me know if you have any questions.

Me

I thought it was pretty up front, bland and non-pursuing. Well, maybe except for the margaritas part, she knows I make good ones.

Half day of work tomorrow, half day hanging out with my boys, and possibly a beer festival in the evening. Tomorrow's a day away...

Glad to hear you still have a job, LP.



Wouldn't that be a hoot?

Relax and have fun at the concert. Keep your expectations low key. Be the best and most fun LP you can be.

I got a perfect example on how well-meaning friends can make you feel awful when dealing with W.

Haven't seen most of my F in a week since I've been sick. Met up with a couple that's getting married in two weeks that are good friends. At one point guy tells me that he feels weird around W and OM and figured that since I wouldn't be out last Wednesday that he could plan activity that those two would like. He also told me that they were going camping together this weekend and next. I knew about next weekend, and I know another actual couple is going, but didn't know about this weekend and really didn't need that information. What is known can't be unknown...

Got an email back today from W regarding parking for the concert in two days:

Thanks for the heads up.

I got a netflix movie for you in the mail yesterday. I can leave it at the house or in the mail box and you can pick it up Saturday if you would like, I won't be home.

I have not decided what to do about parking. Do you know if the buses are running that night? I'll probably figure it out Sunday morning:) I will let you know if I need directions. Thanks for the offer.

I wasn't going to ask what she had planned for Saturday, but I guess know now. My friend even said that hanging out at the bar is one thing, but going camping together was another. For that reason (among others) he and fiance aren't going next weekend as it makes them uncomfortable.

I figure I'll respond to W's email Sunday morning. No buses past 6:30 Sunday, and I'm not going over to the house to get my movie. She can send it back; I actually had the wrong movie at the top of my queue so I'd rather get what I was hoping for instead.

I hope I can keep myself busy the next two days until the concert.

Well, responding to myself, yes, I kept myself pretty busy. Trying to do a deep cleaning of my apartment, which at about 400 sq ft shouldn't take too long Just need to sweep and mop now.

I've been able to run about 4 1/2 miles yesterday and today, so I think the worst of my cold is behind me.

Tonight is the U2 concert and it's a beautiful day (bad pun:). Ran by the stadium and you can see the stage from the end zones and they've got music playing. It's about three blocks from the apartment, so it'll be easy to get there and back. Pity the people that have to park

I don't know if W is meeting me here or at the show. My response back to her email was:
Could you send the movie back? I'd forgotten to update my queue, so it's not what I wanted at the moment. Thanks.

The buses run until about 6:30 Sunday night.

OK, out to get some lunch. I really haven't been eating enough for how much I run. That's my way of dealing with stress, not eating. Then again, I'm thin enough and 'fit' enough now that I ran shirtless this morning. Other than blinding people on my run, I probably looked pretty good

I find this kind of odd: W responded to my email a couple of hours ago saying she thought she put the movie in the mailbox so I could get it. It's not there and she's looking all over for it. Told her the mailman probably took it. But... she never did say if she was parking here tonight or not. Show starts in three hours and she hasn't told me one way or the other what she is doing. I've got two other people coming over, so I'm fine if she doesn't come and I meet her there. It would just be nice to know.

You can clearly hear the soundchecks outside my apartment. Very cool! Now, time to figure out how to cook the Swiss Chard W gave me. Internet, don't fail me now