Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers ooohweee what'sup wit that

People Wondering about what you'd do if she came back...hmm

as you said

"entertaining the idea is pointless" and it is for now.

Right now, work on you and as far as she is concerned, we can all hope you two learn to communicate better...yeah...


Whatever...

I know your friend knows you both and we don't.



but I'm not seeing a lot of movement TOWARDS a reconciliation now, although if she's on her wacky journey then running fast to Tulsa may be a weird step in that direction,

but so what? Point is

you're right to focus on you, your child and your futre and that's it, for now

isn't that enough?

Yep, she's angry. Because of what your buddy said. Because of what you have said, and not said. She's looking for a reaction from you and not getting it.

You have started swimming. And she is being left behind.

She FEELS she is being left behind.

She feels the door is closing and she is scared. But still prideful. And stubborn.

She KNOWS your attitude has changed. She doesn't know why. Or how. But she feels it. And she doesn't like it!

But keep swimming.

And keep forgiving. Start with yourself. You can work on forgiving her later.

Exactly. Well said Michelle.

BITS
Denver

Completely pointless and a waste of energy for now and for always in my mind 25 at least in my mind. I have to look at myself in the mirror and going back to me it is not even in my thoughts because I have to maintain my dignity and self respect. I hope I am not coming across as bitter or resentful. I am not trying to be, but I don’t see it at all. Do I miss her? Sure. You don’t spend 10yrs with someone and not miss them. I don’t see how I can get passed that though. To me this is the final betrayal. I still need to vent and let my feelings out and no place is safer than here.


I don’t see it at all. This is an attempt at moving on with her life. We like to think they will regret it, sometimes I wonder if it is our way of feeling better. Truth is they don’t all regret it and some in the long run made the right decision as hard as it is for us to accept. Can I tell you something that will be completely different than anything I have said up till now? Even the thought of her wanting to reconcile makes me angry. In my mind the stage that I am in is the grieving the lost of a long time M although compared to some I have only a decade to grief while others have two or three decades. I guess I should consider myself lucky.

How sad that her actions have pushed me into a place that I did not want to go. I fought with every fiber not to go. I wanted to avoid it at all cost. Now I have to learn to move on and that is exactly what I am trying to do. I miss her terribly at times; sometimes I still want to scream. Every end is a new beginning; I am just ready to start mine.


I believe this to be true. He hit a nerve she called me and wanted the sweet needy person she has been talking to. She got neither. She got business. Is this loving unconditional? Who knows. She wanted to discuss business so we stayed on topic she tried to bring the convo to pass transgressions, I kept it on topic. It did not go over well. She never yelled or screamed but she was clearly agitated with my demeanor. I am sorry for her. Do you remember michelle how bad I wanted a phone call? A text? An Email? Now I want neither. I just want peace. How sad.


Pride is def playing a role in this but I can’t help ignore that the love that once existed is also gone. Stubbornness? Like a mule sometimes. You know what I struggle with? My visit in April. How confusing was that? A clean break is all I wanted. Smoke and mirrors is all I got. Who knows what the future will bring? I sure don’t. “It is better to lose your pride with someone you love rather than to lose that someone you love with your useless pride.” I hope she learns that some day.



Yes it has. Drastically. I don’t know how much she cares though and I don’t know how much I should care. She certainly did not like it but to be surprised as to why? Well that is just silly to me. Once I told her I knew she was living in Tulsa, well at that point is when I sealed the deal on her calling me again.


Interesting comment AK.

Why?

Did she not owe it to us to try?

Is she worth the aggravation? The work that it will take? Again I speak as if I will have a chance to even decide this. People get D all the time. Why would my sitch be any different?

Yes it is pointless and I absolutely agree energy is better spent elsewhere.



I'm not trying to mind f**k you, I promise.

I asked why too. I was almost irritated that it was even said.

It's really a self check of how far you have come and where you are at. It was a brilliant statement made by someone who was as done as you and I; and frustrated him when he actually had to make the toughest choice ever.

In NO way am I telling you to stand still or dwell on her becoming repentant any time soon, if ever. She has her own journey and that would be a waste of time for you keep checking or waiting. Moving forward and continuing to heal is the only option for now.

just as pointless as wondering what you'd do if she came back...


is thinking you have to decide that now


You need to move forward. No question.


Cross other bridges, if they arise, when they arise.

This is important for you, right now. Grienving? Yes. Anger? Work on it as part of the process. Work through it in a positive way and eventually, you will stop being angry. It will be gone or replaced by something much less sinister.

This i truly get. In my own sitch, i wonder that after this trauma, do people ever become close even if they reconcile, or does the resentment, anger and despair just simmer but never extinguished.

Just to give you a perspective, I have noticed that with Indians if it comes to the point of divorce, very rarely do people fight for marriage. Yup, the LBS cries a lot and is devastated. But they just simply move on. Move on and either stay single or remarry. No regrets, no complications. This is just my observation. I could be wrong. But i wonder if all this is because when we do come to this terminal point, even if we get back together, the relationship is permanently broken.

I hope i am not sounding negative here. I too am going through the same motions as to whether i should just give up or still fight. As it is often said in this forum, the former is the easy path...

myk,

When you realize fully, that moving on is NOT the same thing as giving up


you will be free....


and no, you don't reconcile to stay mad and broken. That isn't a restored marriage.


That's a disaster.