I really am stumped still about his reaction too....
I guess it may be something I am totally unaware of or maybe it was just a grumpy guy at the end of the day!.......
But I appreciate the feedback nonetheless....
I just feel as thought I am not handling things optimally....
You know....like I am not doing great, just mediocre....
Pobably I am expecting too much too fast....Because overall it seems like we are doing what all married people do: routine stuff....we just aren't living together!!!!!
I have no big plans for the weekend...and I think I should get some
Looks like you're in for some fun Pam! Enjoy the puppies and Kevin's visit!
Weekends always seem to crawl up on me and I don't really plan ahead for them. I think that comes from having to stay so flexible for the family over the years that I don't plan too much ahead for myself....I will grocery shop and clean of course...do a little laundry.....read and workout, I'm reading "FlyBoys" and "The Da Vinci Code"....I have legal stuff to review for Wednesday...my assault hearing day.....My legs are soooo sore from the gym workout on thursday I may just stretch and laze abit today.
I called Dr. K last night after dinner...early enough to do stuff but not too soon after work ...He was at the gym( good) but he answered his cell and he called me back after about ah hour and we talked....good convo. He wanted to know if I wanted to go to the movies tonight?
I begged off...said I was tired from a run I took after work in the cold air!
He admonished me said he taught me better than to run in frigid air temps....but he understood I wa tired....said let's talk tommorow..... I tried to get a time but he said "we don't have to control this do we?" I said no, but. and he repeated.......I agreed and smiled BTW: He got another interview!! This one with Penn State main..... Feb. 15.....so he was jazzed about this...
I just didn't want to give him too much attention too close together....think that was wise??
Feeling vey overwhelmed today. Legal problems with suit, divorce lawyer uncetainty, job hunt pressure, parental pressures, they don't want this to work out for us and will only support me if I leave our R. Kids are skeptical about this is going to work out. I understand they've had to see some of the worst of it....and that hurts.
I know they just care and don't want anyone to get hurt, they aren't sure of what their dad is doing, wish he would get a job and get settled and that I would be able to find for myself...and we would be happy.
Saturday went well...we had talked and agreed to stay in for evening but down at condo. Went down,spent the night..+ Had good time, had great sunday morning...H suggested I go back out to house and he would come out for dinner and then we'd go to movies...after a few hours he changed his mind and said he didn't want to go...we could go another day this week....he wanted to do laundry and reply to e-mail expected from shark lady...and get ready for class on wed.
I was initailly a bit skeptical,I began to think maybe shark lady was up to something???maybe not....I know I get to over thinking and being suspicious when I don't need to be, but I was dissapointed and asked myself why? Because I was looking forward to going somewhere with Dr.K. I am feeling the need to share some experiences, but ultimately okay with this....he said we had had some quality time and that he would rather shoot for thursday....I can understand his spacing out activities, it gives him something to look forward to for each day rather than lumping things onto the weekend and then having less during the week. I went back to house.... Tired...I skipped church Didn't eat dinner.
Gabe cleaning up and asking about what to do with his stuff...storing? where when for how long....... Looks like( he hasn't directly said) he will be leaving shortly. I woke up at 4 am he was in kitchen cooking as always...I am going to miss him sooooooo much....
While I understand their skepticism, I'm at a loss for words on their perceived ultimatum to you.
Do they realize that they are on earth because of your R with their dad? Or does this not matter?
I know that you will have the conversation that you need to have with them when you are ready. Don't forget your DB skills....
Because your kids did to you what the book recommends we not do to our WASs: issue ultimatums that back them into a corner, leaving the backed in person little choice but to make a decision that will hurt everyone.
I don't think you are going to do that, but the risks are inherent.
A mother's love is endless. I think you'll find a way to convey that without abandoning the path that you've chosen (to remain married to their dad).
I'm so sorry.
Hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
MY parents are non supportive if I stay in this relationship...which is no great tragedy for me as I see it...they have always had their own agenda for me....and it was never all that healthy. Unfortunately I have been financially dependent on them the last few months while this has been working it self through...and they are in contact with the kids from time to time rather poisoning the well if you will.They would pull financial support if they thought we were reconcilling. :
So my parents attitude although distressing is ultimately nothing new......
The kids haven't given me an ultimatun...they are just very skeptical of what is to happen....and this is understandable.
As I said they have had to live the ups and downs and see the fall out from the last few months.....and the time two years ago when he pulled back and of course the fact that we have maintained two places for so many years always felt to them as though he had left us.
But Gabe has alluded to not keeping his relationship up with ME if I choose to continue on with his dad...He says it will eventually affect the relationships with all the kids and eventually alienate me from them...I don't happen to believe this, but rather I think this IS a VERY DIFFICULT transition period where they are all having to move out into their own and it comes at a time when they may not be ready emotionally to separate with such uncetainty and the uncertainty that they feel affects their decisions.
Gabe (S23) really feels like he is being forced out of the home forced to make difficult decisions that he would rather not make and getting no direction form supportive parents. He feels that he lost his dad years ago ( emotionally) and now he is losing me because I am spending so much time with Dr. K.
He looks to me to help him and be there for him and is resentful that in HIS mind I am not there as much for him.....because Dr. K is in the picture.
None of the other kids has issued any sort of ultimatum but are taking a more or less wait and see approach and would not be surprised if we ended up together (they would be happy about that) or apart They would like us to be happy together.
In fact D21 had a chat yesterday with Dr. K and said she hoped we would build a big house in VA! When I asked him why he thought she had said that?... He said that she said: don't forget you have four kids!
Like we could forget. But what this says is, she feels forgotten too?
I know our oldest daughter does get to feeling left out( living in MD now) and wants weekly calls and updates......Dr. K always says he will but often goes a few weeks without actually talking to anyone, he em's and voice mails!!!
I remember in one of your very early posts to me you said that this may be my greatest challenge..... to keep everyone connected...
You have one of the most intricate issues on this board. You know I can't help here. I can just offer you support as you navigate through these waters yourself.
After all, Marlin didn't want to go to Sydney... he just needed to go there to save Nemo. I'm thinking your journey is going to be as hairy as Marlin and Dory's. But somehow, you seem to have the knack for coming out on top.
It WILL require a lot of maneuvering and skill, but we both know you have plenty of both.
I firmly believe that you can have relationships with all your loved ones. They're all part of you, like you could forget?
Go you! Big bear hugs,
Betsey
"There are only 2 ways to live your life. One is as though nothing is a miracle. The other is as though everything is a miracle."
I don't know as I have any more problems than anyone else on the bb...everyone has kids and families.
And I know there are no magical solutions...
other than prayer.
I do know everthing will work out and whatever happens it will be what is suppose to happen.
My two greatest distresses are not surprisingly M(S26) who will be out in the cold unless he jump starts his life and gets a great job that supports himslef. He is aware of this and resigned to do whatever he has to do but seeems to be making it harder on himself than I think is nessessary, by not just taking any job he can get and then there's G(S23) who has long felt this estrangment from Dr. K and is seemingly soo resentful of an on going relationship between us.
To be fair I don't blame him, he is worried about me and doesn't think it will work...that somehow I will be left and he feels alone and left out and losing his mother to someone he doesn't trust.
I pray that somehow God will work on Dr.K because there is nothing I can do to heal their relationship. Dr. K says he doesn'tunderstand the rift, and will not listen to much of anything I say about the subject....he needs this from a third party...like we discussed before...sometimes we have to hear it from somewhere else....
If G leaves with things unresolved, It will be painfull for all...........
I feel like I must maintain things here for them over the next few months so they can launch successfully....
not an easy task under the best of circumstances but feeling downright impossible today........
I missed you all.....I was having such a hectic week I can't beleive it is over...
Taking time out from bb forced me to have to deal with the moment and not deal with the future. Did me some good...I just got through each day one at a time.
Got decision made for Gabe(S23. He is leaving tommorow. He is the only one of my four children who never left home for even so much as a sleep over and now he'll be traveling all over the world!!Isn't that a funny turn of events.
So many emotions with that that I found myself in tears several times over the last few days, but I know the future is looking bright.
Spent the last few days in conversation with him and my other son Matt(S26)(who should be a councelor if you ask me)....He has natural insight but has chosen a very different career path and I respect that.
Prepared for my court day on tuesday could not get to sleep tuesday night .....Big push to go over all the evidence and get myself mentally ready to face the other side. I was the plaintiff( she assaulted me) but I was so nervous you would have thought I was the attacker!! Wednesday my day in court....it was long and tense but went fairly well. I wish I would have been able to elaborate more...I had the chance, just didn't remember all the stuff....The hearing took two hours of testimony.
I couldn't believe how nervous I was! You might not have been able to tell, but I don't remember ever perspiring that much in my life unless I was running for five miles at a hard pace.
Thursday I wrapped the install for my last client...She called twice in the evening to tell me how pleased she is with the final job....Considering I did their entire house and every nut, bolt, plant, dish and towel I even picked out the fish for the fish tank!!!!in the place and it's been almost 7 months to finish, I am happy she is so pleased and even more pleased that she called just to tell me how happy she is......
Friday, back to job hunting and preparing for the next lawsuit....getting Gabe's last minute stuff....he needed my car for getting his car fixed and to the dentist so we had a lot of coordinating to do.
I didn't have time to even think about Dr. K much in the last few days. I was very disappointed that he didn't ask me to come down there even once all week but I wasn't going there(so to speak) I just didn't have time!!!
The fall out was he is feeling depressed...and needs some company and to get out and do something.
I'm just wiped out from the week AND it's only -20 here and so cold that even with two pairs of sox and two layers of gloves, I froze my A** off today!!!! So he just has to fend for himself.
Just being out for five minutes I was getting into shivering mode.......I'm a midwest girl so I should be able to handle it but GOD!!!! a few degrees warmer would be a big help.....
...He was at the gym( good) but he answered his cell and he called me back after about ah hour and we talked....good convo. He wanted to know if I wanted to go to the movies tonight? 
.....Big push to go over all the evidence and get myself mentally ready to face the other side. I was the plaintiff( she assaulted me) but I was so nervous you would have thought I was the attacker!! 
and so cold that even with two pairs of sox and two layers of gloves, I froze my A** off today!!!! So he just has to fend for himself.