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Don't do this! You know better.



That is probably where your expectations should be. It's likely for the better. If you return home, and everything is fine with her, you'll probably end up going through all of this again. But remember to act "as if" the space has actually helped while you were gone.

So, I know I am inviting 2x4, but so be it.

Would it be wrong to send a brief email saying it was nice to talk to W, and I look forward to seeing her.

But I assume this is pursuing in the worst degree. I should just stay aloof?

DO NOT do it!

No 2 X 4 UNLESS you send it.

AC, what do you hope to accomplish by doing that? Don't do it! It's likely of little benefit.

Thanks for your comments. I appreciate your support, and thanks for helping me keep on target.

As I said.....I hate this (as does every one of you..!!)

Last day of my work trip, and I head home tomorrow. Filled with anxiety, and my mind is swirling. Conjuring up all kinds of terrible scenarios, and I have a huge knot in my stomach. Not very condusive to focusing on what I am doing here.

I stayed fairly dark for the past 2.5 weeks. W was dark for the first week, then tried to contact me several times toward the end of week 2. When we talked on the phone, there was no D or L talk, just light banter. Missing me or guilt inspired, who knows?

Got my list of goals and a GAL attitude as I head back. Just going to act as if I am just going to live my life and move on without her.

No idea what I am walking back into. Paranoia is massive. Could use some pointers on how to deal with this transition!

AC - One thing. Well, it's tomorrow, not today when you head home. Today will enough of its own problems. Worry about tomorrow tomorrow.

Another thought - it doesn't sound like she's going to be able to shock you again like she did after the return from your last trip.

She's still there - that's a positive.

I think you have a good game plan. Remember to act as if she's glad to see you when you return. That doesn't mean you pretend.

AC, I just spent some time catching up with your sitch...we have similar issues we're dealing with: we are somewhat close in ages (I'm 55, W is 48), W's are still home, but unpredictable and unreadable; we are the sole cause of everything wrong in the world; the precision and finality our W's have used to cut us out of their lives is hard to believe; and for us, going home is usually a source of anxiety.

Game face, baby...gotta keep up the appearance that you're OK, even if you feel like crashing. When I first joined here 3 months ago, I read all of the advice about 180s, GAL, going dark, "as if"...and I thought to myself, "There is no way I will be able to pull any of that off, and even if I do, it will never work." Well, W and I are far from having a good R or M, but we are closer than we were 3 months ago. I will be as friendly, cordial and attractive as I can be around her, and it usually disarms her black attitude (not always, but more times than not). It's not a ruse, or a ploy...it's who I genuinely want to be, for myself, for her, for others. Then I can go somewhere private and fall apart.

Reinvent yourself. Focus on you, not her. She's the center of her own world right now; nobody can change that except her.

I posted this earlier this morning, but I'll share it again with you:

"Today is the tomorrow you worried about yesterday...and all is well."

All may not be well, but it's probably not as bad as you thought it would be.

Stay the course.

AC, wanted to let you know I'll be thinking about you and I've been praying for you tomorrow on your return home.

Thanks jb and tel:

There is no doubt I am in the official freak out mode. Paranoid and anxious. I don't get it. Been with this woman for 20 years and she and I have been very tight. Now all that is in tatters, and, as I head home today, I am overwhelmed with anxiety over what I will find:

-an angry woman who hates me and just wants to ct me out?
-a WAW who can't wait to leave and join some new OM (don't know about that, just self-induced paranoia)?
-a confused woman who might be second guessing herself?
-a WAW with all does closed tight?

How can I be so uncertain about a woman I have been in love with two decades ago. I feel very deflated and hopeless.

And now I have to GAL, act as if, and get a game face on. WTF.