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I'm new, I have read the divroce remedy book twice since I got it a couple months ago. So here is my situation.

Me and my H dated for 7 years before we got married. We only have been married for a little over a year. We had a female roommate that we lived with and she decided that she was not happy with her own life and started messing with ours. She would try to say thing to make me mad at my H at first so she could see us fight for her entertainment. Things got worse the longer we stayed with her. She came to me one day after me and H had a huge fight and tells he that he is done with me and wants to know when I am moving out of the house. I tried not to react to her and I told her I wasn't going anywhere. She asked me why I was still here and I told her that me and my H had come a long way over the years and I wasnt about to give up on our relationship that easy. I went outside and called my H and asked him calmly about what she tried to tell me and he said if he was done he would tell me. She later had the nerve to send my a message on facebook telling me she was sorry and she had to do the right thing in her heart. That my H wanted us all to get along. She played the whole danzel in distress act to get my H's attention. She even had the nerve to tell my brother-in-law who is still in high school that she has been sleeping with my H for months. I had a couple confrontations with her and told this needed to stop. Things got worse, me and my H had more agruments and she would post what was going on between me and him on facebook for her friends to know. She convinced my H that he could drive her car since and him argued about my vehicle and about the way he drove it. So he started driving her car and taking her to class (she goes to college)and taking her to run her errands. Later, her parents helped my H get a work van and she left town with him to go pick it up. He got mad at me for going to his mom about the situation with our roommate. He just kept saying he was tired of it and if it didn't stop we were going to have to separate. I did all the wrong things when I was staying in the house. I begged,pleaded, and cried. I felt like I had no one to turn to. I started looking into trying to save our marriage but couldn't find anything on how to handle that situation with a single female roommate. She started tell her mom about how she wanted me out of the house and from there it got more hostile. She had these conversations with her mom when my H was on a call for work. She would tell her mom about how happy she would be when I got served with papers and if I didnt sign them she would hold me down and beat me till I did. On another occasion, she told her mom that she was thinking about telling my H there was going to be a homocide if I wasn't served with divorce papers. I ended up taking a friend's advice and leaving the house to stay at my dad's for awhile. Only to come back to the house a day later to find out that the locks had been changed on me. I found pictures on facebook of my husband groping the roommate inappropriately and tried to confront him about it and when ended up in an argument and he said he was going to file the divorce papers. He just kept saying I shouldn't have gotten everyone involved in this. I moved my stuff out and he kept our dog from me. It's been 3 months since I have left the house. I have lost 40lbs due to stress and exercise. I am so confused about him because it seems like he is going backwards instead of forewards. He would text me when the roommate was in class or not with him. He met up with me twice and just kept trying to tell me that he didn't cheat on me. I don't know if he was tryin to convince me or himself. He told me at one point that he want to fix this and I told him he couldn't do it alone we had to do it together. Two months ago he told me it was over and why wasn't I getting it and not to text him anymore. We went a whole month without talk to each other. since then, he has taken my name off of our business we started together and put the roommate's name on it instead. Since I had been staying at my dad's I have been praying every night for strength, patience, and guidance and help in saving our M. The end of last month he started texting me again and blamed me for getting everyone involved and said that he guesses I didn't think he wouldn't get mad about it. He apologized for things happening the way it did. He also said that was going to be the last text he was sending me. He ended up texting me since than, blaming me for something else. Two weeks ago, he texts me again wanting to know what I have been up to. Then tells me that if I shouldn't have gotten a friend involved because it didn't help any at all it just made him mad because she didn't ask him what happened. This friend he is talking about had received a message from the roommate talking abou that I needed to let him go and stop telling people my problems. That he his her best friend and she just wants to see him happy. the friend has known me and my H for a long time and she means well but she does not give the best advice. The roommate has it in her head that I have been served with divorce papers as she told this to my friend out of nowhere. My friend seems to think that my H is trying to keep me on a string as a backup plan just in case things don't work out with the roommate. The conversations he has with me start out somewhat positive and then go into him blaming me for something. I'm getting to the point where I need a concrete answer as to whether he wants to be M or if I should just go an file the paperwork. He still hasn't file the divorce papers but has told him boss that I am is ex wife already. I don't know how much I can take right now, dealing with this and finding out my aunt only has less than 6 months to live I have too much going on and its hard for me to be tough all the time. At the end of the day, I feel like I have to deal with all of this on my own when all I really want is my H to help through this with my aunt. I know I have read the book and seen the stories of what others have been through and it takes them a year to get things on track. I wish I knew where the strength came from to want to continue fighting. I feel like out of all my family and friends that have been married I'm the only that absolutely hates divorce and against it. They all act like its no big deal to get divorced.

^

I had my GAL this past weekend. I went out with a now really good guy friend that I used to work with for his birthday at a bar. First time in awhile that I had fun and danced. The only thing is pictures were taken of me and him together and posted on facebook from his birthday and my exroommate seen them along with my H and they both got jealous over it. I was not out to make anyone jealous, I was just out to have to fun and be with friends. I had a really good night friday. Saturday I spent time with my BIL and got breakfast and told him about friday. He went on facebook and seen my ex-roommate had changed her profile pic to a pic of her and my H. She also decided to post a pic of the two of them acting like they were kissing because they had their lips puckered and really close to each other. I got mad, told my BIL that he shouldn't have shown me those pics. It took me alittle while to calm down and then I kind of starting laughing about it. I called my friend and asked if he had seen it and he said he did. The ex-roommate sent the friend a text and said sorry I was not there for your birthday but you know why. He said I know. The thing is she wasn't invited and didn't even know I was going to be there. Me and the H were texting each other back and foreworth today. I knew he was upset about me being with another guy.I acted as if I had not seen the pics of the two of them. I had mentioned that if I didn't believe we could get through this I wouldn't be praying every night. He says, " I don't know what to believe anymore." To that I reply, It's ok, I know it is all very confusing right now. It felt pretty good to flip every negative comment into something either neutral or positive. He didn't know how to take it compared to how I normally respond to him. He usually likes to throw in there somewhere that I shouldn't have gotten everyone involved by I beat him to it by saying, "No one is in this M but you and me that's it." He is freaking out right now because I told him towards the beginning of the month my dad was going to help me get a divorce in June. All he can think about is "your dad is doing whatever he can to make sure you get everything." (Funny how he thinks my dad is pushing for a divorce when he is waiting on me to give the ok to pay for it when I'm ready.) The Business and the van are mine." (He still hasn't understood the concept of marital assets.) I was trying to soften his defensiveness about everything by telling him that I understand and I'm not trying to play games with him. I know we both have been hurt in this. Sometimes, it can be hard to deal with a H who is really sensitive and that I think has depression (hasn't been tested for it but M has it and pretty sure he does too). It took all I had to keep from telling him I love him being I slipped and said it the two times we have seen each other in february. I know the roommate is making him freak out and make me out to be the bad guy and that I'm trying to take everything. All I really want is our dog (like a son to me) and my H back and the roommate's name off our business. I don't want a divorce, not sure how long I should leave the H in panic mode... I was kind of laughing how the convo ended though,
me: and no one is in this marriage but you and me that's it
H: I have my hands full now I can't talk I will text some time later I think
Me: ok sounds good

^

Chris,
I don't have a lot to add at this moment but wanted to comment on a couple of things. First, congrats on the 180s in your reactions! Now, the 2x4s

I'm confused at who is filing for D? If it's you, then why are you doing it? You say you don't want a D, so saying you will file is a dangerous game of chicken. There's a difference in getting your H to miss you and reconsider vs. putting him in 'panic mode'.

It sounds like this ex-roommate is completely toxic to everyone around her. Minimize whatever contact you are having, eliminate it if at all possible.

Finally, one way you could help us help you better (and this may sound petty): break your posts up into multiple paragraphs. It makes it easier to read and understand so that we can really grasp what you are saying.

It'll take a while for your posts to show up at first, but don't get discouraged, keep us informed and we'll try to help!

also get off FB.

The shenanigans sound like young high school stuff that married couples don't do.

Other than that, I am not clear on who is filing what.

IMO no newly married couple (you're newly married if you have less than 5 years in my view) should have a roomie unless you're broke and then, only a relative.

And a roommate like that needed to go the first time she got involved in ANY WAY IN ANY of the arguments...let alone the rest.

it's not done. Period.

So what is your goal now?

LP,
My H was supposed to be the one filing the D to start off with. When I was basically forced out of the house my F said after we fixed my truck he would help me file a D in June.

Minimize contact with who my H or the exroommate?
I stay at my F's house and my H is still in the house with the Roommate.

25,
I would have to agree it does sound like young high school stuff that married couples don't do. The roommate just turned 24 in may and mommy and daddy pay for everything still. We expected the first year to be the hardest. We just werent expecting that we would have outside influences making it harder on us.

Neither me or H have filed any papers, he had told me back in Feb that if he wanted D he would have filed already. It's all very confusing. March 15th I get a text that its over and I'm still not sure if it was him that sent it or the roommate getting on his phone.

I didn't know how to handle getting her out of the house. I learned my lesson about single female roommates living with a married couple. The roommate doesn't have a life so she had to get in the middle of ours. I told the H that she needed to go when she first started this and I recommended having another married couple live with us. We were somewhat broke and getting a business started and I was out of work and in school.

my goal now?
keep lines of communication open between me and H.
Get H to meet up with me in person.
Get the roommate away from my H.
Only time I get a text from H is when roommate is in class or not around him.
I haven't actually talked to him on the phone since the end of Jan.

As I sit here and think about my sitch. I don't even know what category I fall under. I'm not sure I would be considered a WAW because I left the house in fear of my safety and sanity.

While, it started out as I was only going to stay at my F's house turned out to be longer because the roommate talked my H into changing the locks on me.

The roommate started telling me my H was done with me and that he wanted a clean break. He later started paying for her to eat when she wanted to go out and I got left at the house. He is still staying in the house with her even though my F would not let him stay here at his house.

I have talked to a relationship coach a few months ago who told me that I married a boy not a man. To that I wanted to know how I can fix that. I was also told that I am living the movie fatal attraction by describing my sitch to him. I guess, the most recent movie to describe what I am going through would be either Obsessed or the other movie I havent seen yet, The roommate.

I'm confused as to why my H called his F friday to find out if he knew where I was because the roommate was trying to start more stuff and she was going to be out with some friends at a local bar. My BIL was the one who relayed the message to me. My FIL was relieved to know that I was with my BIL and not by myself. I don't know what she is trying to start now.

I'm not in the house with them, I don't communicate with my H that much. She has my H and my dog at the house with her and her name on the business me and my H started together. I have nothing left for her to take from me. I guess having my life is not good enough for her.

I started my seminar class saturday in criminal investigations. I have seven chapters to study for the midterm next week and a research paper to write that is due the 20th. Class just started and already piling up with work maybe it will take my mind off of this for alittle while. I am finding it alittle hard to concentrate on school right now though.

Here is a little more background of my sitch with my H. Before me and my H started the business together he would sit in my vehicle while I was at work and wait for me to go on my breaks.

When we started the business it was slow at first until he started subcontracting from someone that is in the same type business. He would wait in the parking lot while I was at work till he had a call.

I met the roommate at my job as she was the one who trained me when I started. I watched the way she was with interacting with everyone else. We started out as somewhat friends and I would go to her apt to hang out with her. We ate lunch together and at that time her ex still lived here and would come over to see her. If anyone saw the way they were together you would swear they were still dating.

I had noticed that she would do or say things to make him jealous or upset. I asked at one point if they were together and she said no. WE started living with her before we got married. She decided I was her best friend at some point and we hadnt even been friends that long. I noticed later she would be depressed quite often and would mope around often sitting by herself outside. My H would tell me she is my friend and i need to find out what was wrong with her.

I would often tell him that when she ready to talk she would tell me what was wrong. He would usually end up going outside and sitting with her trying to comfort her.

It was sometime after we had been married for atleast four months that she started trying to start fights between us. I had started realizing it and would calmly ask my H about it.

It was some point when we moved into the new house after her male friend stopped coming by that she got depressed again. She had mentioned that she wishes she could find some like my H. She let seeing all her friends back home on FB getting married and having kids get to her. She would often talk about how she didn't think she was going to ever find someone.