Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers I need a some advise...from not sunny

Cindy I hope it helps! I know you helped me considerably when thinking about my situation.

I suggest you read the chapter on the addicted spouse b/c that's the root of so many issues here

and you've given it a darn good try for years...it's obviously a pattern in your life


do want it to continue to define your life?

You may have told the addict/alcoholics in your family that they can break the cycle



so the question is, can you?


Will you do whatever it takes?


Good

Hi Sunny,

Sorry you're dealing with this.

First, others have said it, but I just want to add, if you set a clear boundary, and he crosses it, and you make it clear to him this means you cannot continue to live this way, it does NOT make you a WAW.

IMO, a WAW is one who is running from the problems without putting in the work to try to fix them.

You need to figure out for yourself how much work you're willing to do. Have you been to Alanon?

We just cannot know when it is time for YOU to say enough is enough.

That is for you to decide.

I think the only advice I can give you is that you need to really think about it. I think you will know when you have given all you can.

Just one last thing, related to what I said above. One big difference here to me regarding what is a WAW and what is not. If you make it very clear to him, this is the boundary, and these are the consequences of crossing them, the burden shifts to him if he CHOSES to do so.

I'll be thinking of you.

Sorry, missed this.

Would you consider going back?

Good Morning. Wow the sun did come up this morning without my help! See.......born caretaker here....I have a big tendency to take care of everyone in my life except ME.
Went into nursing as a career ( care taker ) Have been trying to save my brother's, my husband, Didnt save my Dad.etc.

I know the pattern... been living it for years.

I will get my DR book back or better yet order another one, and look into the addictive spouse chapters. I know its not gonna tell me anything I havent already seen, heard , or read.....BUT it certainely will refresh my memory......

Am I willing to do what works..............What will work for me is to get back to my program, Thats work I'm willing to do right now. I was exhausted, frustrated and depressed yesterday...as I said NOT a good combo for me.

When I'm ready ......soon I will sit down and talk with husband about his active drinking at the camp, and I will re=inforce my boundary of " YOU cant drink here ( WE are the owners - management ) for christ sakes and be of any help to me while intoxicated." If this continues than you need just to stay at home and i will hire extra help for ME.
I will phsically have him removed while drunk ( I have alot of peeps that would help me with that. )
???? any comments

Thank you Country for your response......I realize I don't fit the profile of a WAW.....but I am the one that RUNS when the shiot is hitting the fan...have done that for years. After 2007 I will never run again. If things get that bad (the emotional abuse and the alcoholism ) I will ask him to leave, and start the seperation papers. I said I dont give idle threats...HE knows that I'm serious.

And yes I will do what it takes. " I'm too darn young to feel this darn old. " I'm not afraid this time.....I will not continue to put my head in the sand and ignore our issues.

And to honest with all of you I drink beer also. To a small extent..I am not a complete tea totler Been to AA, alanon, and counciling. I'm enuff of a controlling person I never loose control of my drinking. I know when iv'e had enuff, and I'm able to stop. I know I sound like a hyporcite. and I fight myself with " saying one thing and doing another "

So yes country I am going back to my program. Actually looking forward to it.

Any comments fire away

Cindy / Sunny

Good Morning.........My hubby and I actually took half a day off yesterday ( because of the weather.. Heat advisory warnings )
We HAD the talk... (god i feel like his mother) and he agreed that he can not and should not drink while we are running the campgrounds...He apologized, he reassured me that he would do better.........and ONCE again, I'm thinking ACTIONS are more powerful than WORDS............So we will see.

He knows where I stand, I'm not wishy washy about this.

We both went to town togehter and got fishing license's......and have made a DATE to go fishing together once this heat wave passes.
Yeah........We both love to fish.but have a hard time making time for it.

I am so thankful for this site and for ALL of you that listen and respond......its a good way to journal, gather your thoughts, get and give advise, etc.

I have a date, I have a date LOL
Thinking of you all.......Thanks

Sunny

Sorry guys and gals... I don't mean to rub this in ( I have a date ) for all of you that are fighting so hard for your marriage or are starting or receiving the big D. Been there done that, I know how you feel..It wears you down..it tears you apart. You question every comment and every move that U make.

Iv'e been in this relationship for a long long time.....40 years

This is a life time committment for me, The ups and downs.

Wishing you all the best. Whatever way your relationships go....know that you have support and friends here for U.

Sunny

Go ahead and rub it in, we like happy stories here Enjoy your date and remember the heat is supposed to break tomorrow. Just get through today, ugh!

Congrats to you, NS. Reading happy stories here is about the only thing that keeps alot of us here afloat. Gives us hope. We all need hope.

Good for you, NSS. Make him think you're the real Catch of the Day!