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That's for sure!



I was afraid you'd say that...



True, of course. I haven't done a coaching session in a long time, but her take was that I was basically waiting for the A to fizzle out. She recommended staying friendly, but mysterious, and stay patient. I guess now that I write that out, it's what it comes down to...



I don't know if there is much of a risk in this.

You know, I did do something different today. I didn't wear my ring when I met her today to pick up D. Don't know if she noticed or not, but probably...

Speaking of the meeting today, not much to note.

She texted me right when I got there and said she would be a few minutes late.

I replied "no worries"

We meet typically at a Starbucks which is between where W and I live.

I just went in and got a cup of coffee. I did get her one too, she appreciated it. I go back and forth on this, but every time she gets a cup she gets me one, so...

I did say "how are you doing today?" but didn't specifically bring up that it was 1 month today since her dad died.

I can't remember her exact response, but somewhere along the lines of "oh, OK..."

She was late, so she thanked me for the coffee and we parted ways.

She said she would call me when she wakes up tomorrow to talk about her picking D back up.

She always says "call" but she will text. Always does.

I sent a pic tonight.

It was just a really good one, idk...

She replied:

Oh my gosh- you seriously get the best pictures! I don't know how you do it. You should submit them somewhere or enter a contest! Hope u guys are having a great night.

I would love some more opinions on this. Maybe the lady's, 25, lotus, cat?

Still just don't know if this is helping or hurting me.

Country,

It seems to me that you're just going to keep asking and asking and asking, until someone finally tells you to do what YOU feel like doing anyway (sending pics to your wife, etc.). Nearly everyone has told you to STOP the pursuing behavior, but yet you insist on still doing it.

Why?

Starsky

There's a lot of truth to this Starsky, I'll admit it.

I don't know what else to say. We had a nice meeting today to drop off D. Talked about her mom, how she is doing etc.

We talked on the phone to arrange the time to meet for D earlier, it was a short call, but when it ended I noticed that it sounded like she was crying.

That is what is so tough right now.

It's this that has be upside down right now, among other things.

She is going to see her mom so I will pick D back up from her on Tuesday.

I asked her to bring ther portable crib next time, she asked why and I told her that I was taking D camping next weekend. She said she can't wait to see the pics.

Anyways, that's were I am.

Starsky, gr8, I am listening. Trust me.

Just thinking...

BTW, I don't want to forget the important stuff. After dropping D off I got out, golfed, hung out with bro, had a couple beers. Good times. Not forgetting CS in all of this.

I have been right there with you CS on sending pics. I only sent the wife one this past week and now I'm going to completely stop. I will keep you posted on how that works out.

The circumstances in my sitch are about to change, so the pics might not even matter.

Thanks LITB. This [censored], right?

I was thinking more about this tonight, and what some of my motivations might be.

One is photography is one of my hobbies. I think I am trying to shove it in my W's face to a point. "Look at me, I'm good at something!"

It's becoming more obvious to me.

She always says how much she LOVES them, but I need to remember, it does not make her love ME.

These are tough realizations at times.

Keep me posted man. I know your beginning a tough stretch.

Oh, I know you are, Country. I just don't think you're acting on what you're hearing.


Starsky

Hey Country

I think I have expressed my thoughts on the pics before. IMO, it doesnt allow her to miss her daughter because, there she is in living color so often that she is practically there all the time.

In some ways, I believe she has to wonder what you and daughter are doing. Maybe Im wrong in that.

Im not posting on your thread lately CS cause you are getting great advice. And you give it as well CS. But I am reading everything you post.

9

Country....Read what starsky wrote! Then read it again.

Cindy

It's definitely the latter.

You may not realize it now but you will in a few months. I have been where you are. My vision is 20/20 now.

Like LITB said, his dynamic is going to change in his sitch.

That's what YOU need to do. You need to change the dynamic.
How???

By completely dropping the rope! Go extremely dark with her except for the status of you D2. When you do the exchanges and there's nothing to report, THEN DON"T SAY ANYTHING! A simple hello and goodbye works.
You need to make her feel as if your dumping her! Why? b/c people don't like getting dumped. In fact when they get dumped they start to look at themselves more and try to figure out what's wrong with themselves. They now see you having more value than themselves. People, want what they can't or shouldn't have.

Stop holding onto the rope of the pictures! It is your achilles heal. Great definition-An Achilles’ heel is a deadly weakness in spite of overall strength, that can actually or potentially lead to downfall.

I'm not the only one that sees it.

Another point
when W asked why you needed the crib. You dont tell her your plans. Be vague. D2 and I are going away for a weekend.
That's all she needs to know.
It creates curiousity on her part.
She would be thinking...Hmmm, where are they going? What I am missing out on?
Instead you gave her your play book and there's no mystery.

These are the little things you should be doing.

It will come in time.
I know you can do it.

gr8