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I didnt go. Mostly because of the crazy crap she said to me. That she wishes her sister never met me. That Im all about a macho image (because I bought a motorcyle and got in great shape), that i should just move on and grow up, ( Why ,because I still love my wife despite all shes done) She told me to f off a few times and she was drunk. Why did I deserve all this abuse, because I mentioned to her husband that OM and my son ate the fish BIL caught with my son. Thats all. That warrented such a barrage?

Last summer, she came into my house, trespassed, to find a beater bar for an old vacuum she lent my wife. I was in the middle of throwing away old toys and organizing my basement where the kids hang out and I usually really create a mess before i organize. The way I work.

So i come back from buying a lawnmower and she greats me with,
Where's my effing beater bar. It went on like that , she then threatend to call child services because I was living in " Squalor" Told me to eff myself a few more times. I asked her to get off my property, Wife showed up and i told her to leave as well but her name was still on lease at that point.

Sil apologized a week later.

Im done with her and her crazy ways. I dont care if I ever see or talk to her again.

But I will not deprive my kids from seeing their Auntie as she has been Amazing with them. I will concede that. They love her and she thinks the world of them.

Sometimes I think she was jealous of our marriage because we didnt fight and I was sympathetic to my wife and did not stand in her way when she wanted to do things. Go shopping with the girls, go out for a ladies night.. etc ( boy did that bite me on the A$$)

9

Hey 9. I just wanted to check in and let you know that I'm pulling for you. I'm obviously in the heat of my own battle right now, so am up to my chin in the sh!t.

BITS
Denver

I know Denver. Ive been following you every step of the way and I obviously am pulling for you as well. I know that Harrier as mentioned that it takes a long time for W's to realize that the changes are real so just keep doing what you are doing and whatever happens, I suppose its what will happen.

I know you are deep into it and really there isnt much anybody can tell me right now. I need to pull myself up by the boot straps.

I only wish I didnt love her so much and want my family back in tact. I lose my youngest one tomorrow and hate the thought of him being with OM the next week cause its so open now for them that Im sure he will be staying overnight soon when he is there.

Seems so surreal at times.

9

I understand, it all seems like a bad dream sometimes. I thought when my W dropped bomb #2, I was going to wake up and things were going be back to normal or she would say "Just kidding!"

I need to get off this island man. But im trapped. Went to the trade show today to fund raise for our "provincial ' volleyball championships which I am the convenor.

Our town hosts this every two years. I was on pins cause I was expecting to see my W walking with boyfriend at anytime but luckily, it didnt happen. Then went to grocery store and say her lawyer, (not the brightest lawyer in the world) walking with my sons teacher, who is lawyer's daughter. (small town hick stuff)

Then went to a funeral gathering for my frined's dad. One guy there said he was sorry to hear about my sitch. I said, yeah, it wouldnt be so bad if she was on her own.

Then this guy, former student, says, well i went to school with him and you gotta admit, hes a hell of a nice guy. I looked at him and said, Really; nice guys have affairs on their wives when they are pregnant right? Nice guys prey on vulnerable women. I said to him, tell me anything you want Charlie, but dont ever tell me this guy that ruined everything I have dear is a hell of a nice guy. Ever again.

I guess he must have saw something in my eyes, because he apologized for the next 5 minutes or so.

I want mad at my friend but it made me wonder. Maybe she wont regret any of this and is thinking that he is paying attention to her like a didnt do. I let my coaching and kids and life in general get in the way of showing her how much I really cared.

Maybe she wont regret this move of hers after all. I didnt say any thing further but just tried to crack a few jokes some othr friends.

Just a little down again. My timeline for shaking this unhappiness is going to be long I think. I have glimpses of happiness, but it is short lived.

25 said my happiness meter should not be related to her misery meter. I know this to be true but fall short sometimes.

Cmon 9, snap out of this funk, life really is too short.

9

BTW, a woman that I know that was at the trade fair asked how I was doing.

M: IM good, just trying to move on

her: I can see the pain behind your eyes, its going to take time

M: Really, you can see that. Well how about now ( as I smiled)

her: better but still see it, on a positive note, you are the most eligible bachelor on this island and it wont be long before you find someone. You have everything going for you.

M: Thanks , Ill try and remember that.

her: seriously, you have a good job, handsome, you look great,
dont worry, it will happen.

It was very strange. I had at least 12 people tell me I looked great. Either they were trying to be nice or noticed something, like I have mentioned, I have dropped close to 50lbs.

And I am dressing better and make a point of shaving every day. I did not do that in the past.

9

Very nice 9. I'm sure that you are going to be just fine when you come out on the other end. And I also bet that it is just a matter of time before you W sees what others are seeing... if she hasn't already.

BITS
Denver

The A happened, because her emotional needs weren't being met. Horrible choice on her part, but she can't see it yet.

This will all get better with time. Just really focus on your part of the marriage failure and work to fix you. Not in a vindictive/punitive way, but make her regret her choice 9.

Get back up, dust yourself off, and keep moving forward at your personal goals. Try (and I mean try) to not dwell so much on the negatives thoughts.

Thanks Denver and Faith.

Yes, I am trying with mixed success and I do try not to focus on the negative thoughts with mixed success. I know I will be fine someday. Trying to keep positive and be there for my kids. That forever is my number one goal.

Keep replaying all the words of wisdom in my head. That will come, right now my primary goal in the Dbing is to NOT say anything negative to her and get drawn into an arguement. Positive and forward.

I hope she regrets her choice but I may never know.

9

her regrets or joy or cluelessness are NOT relevant to your happiness...it's not a seesaw with her misery = your happiness.

Plus, even if she were miserable and had total remorse, are we sure she'd tell YOU? Um, I'm not...so don't hold your breath.

remember that. Your happiness is what you will create and believe it or not,

you are already on your way. I see things you are doing you would NOT have done a mere 6 weeks ago.

You are reducing the pain in your life, and that's a start. You know the kids are your priority. You are NOT reacting in anger.

From where I sit, You're doing well...at least BETTER!!

((( )))

PS can you check on Greenblue? I'm out of ideas.