Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers My Wife Wants to Separate

That's a tricky question IMO. Do the two of you agree on the terms? Are you willing to put any of that in writing? What happens if something changes? In other words, if she talks to a L, they are probably going to discourage her from moving out. An OP could convince her/you the arrangement is unfair. Would a divorce mediation service help you with that kind of arrangement?

I can see what you're doing. You're trying to show her love by granting her the space she is asking for.

DF,

Through many of your posts, I've just read about how all your W does is complain. She continues to blame you for her unhappiness and you are always giving in.

What boundaries have you made? I think it's time for you to start sticking up for yourself and your kids. Not in a confrontational way, but to show that you won't be bullied. If you're worried about her accusing you of something, document everything. Get legal representation. Something.

Mr Bond,
Since I've agreed to move out I've been stuck for ways to set boundaries aside from how to parent the children which I've done by taking a much more active role in the parenting of our children (school work, enforcing rules, determining summer camps)

Not sure what else to do.

JBNATI,
Her proposed terms when she was moving out would have been good for me but now that I'm moving out they don't look so good.

All of the advice I get outside of DB is to take a hardline position to get a lawyer and proceed to a legal separation or divorce. What I understand of the DB approach is to not proceed with lawyers because they are meant for getting a divorce.

Now that I've agreed to move out I feel even more conflicted because I don't want to move this along to divorce but I fear the bad position I'm putting myself in.

Sorry for the highjack, but where can I find a list of all of the terms used here? "MLC," "WAW," "NC" ... it's all very confusing!!!


thanks,

Opie

You wouldn't be here if you wanted a D. I think the way to accelerate the process of a D would be to file yourself. I think you're very clear that's not what you want.

That all being said, it would be wise to at least speak to a L and be prepared. They can at least advise you on any risk you are taking. You don't have to let them talk you into anything you don't want to do.

Ugh. I spent an hour last night getting tax, salary and bonus information for my wife to take to a lawyer. She is focused on getting a divorce.

That was the worst feeling of having to face the reality of my wife filing for divorce and needing to get her information at the same time.

That was hard but it seemed like a better solution than telling her to wait until she gets it from a lawyer that I haven't hired yet.

The only bright side was I got to show my wife my rational, helpful and confident side.

This is so hard.

After W's meeting with lawyer she wants to work on a collaborative divorce, instead of mediation or standard opposing lawyers. A collaborative divorce seems like a good option to me but I don't want to get divorced.

I don't know if I should agree to D, get a lawyer and move forward in a collaborative D or say I don't want a D so you can file on your own and come back with my own lawyer who will fight it out.

I know this isn't really about DB'ing but is aggreeing to a D compatible at all with DB'ing?

I would say that agreeing to a collaborative D will increase your odds for reconciliation. It has a chance of promoting a spirit of teamwork and cooperation. It may make her take a step and look at what she really has. If have a opposing Ls, it's going to make it a much more abversarial process. Of course, if her terms are ridiculous, you can always revert back to having opposing Ls.

I tried the collaborative approach. My W wanted everything. I was going to be left with .01% of my income. I gracefully offered half which is a lot, and she declined. I was forced into the full blown legal system.

If you can do it collaborative approach, do it. It's better for you and your kids. The lawyers make their $ by dragging it out and nit-picky charges. Just stick up for yourself and don't let her take advantage of you. This is her choice not yours. She has to live with the consequences but you do also.

If you go down the D road, don't expect reconciliation. Just make it as difficult as possible for her. God doesn't like divorce. Man up!