Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Infidelity/Extramarital Affairs/Jealousy my h and son gave me necklace

Today was not good i went by h house and ow car was there. she doesnt hide it anymore. I havnt gone by in a long time. h had christmas lights up to I thought maybe he was missing our family but it doesnt look like it. I am really depressed about this i know i have to stay away or I just get hurt really bad.

I hate my h for what he is doing to our son. son doesnt want to eat breakfast in the am because he doesnt feel good. i feel really bad for my son.

rysmom,

I've said it before. Get some help. Real help for yourself. Your son may or may not be affected by what your H is doing, but it seems like you're projecting a lot of your hurt onto him.

STOP feeling 'bad' for your son. Do something about it. Whenever someone on here tries to offer you real constructive help or asks deep questions, you avoid them entirely.

Read your post again. You are where you were the first time you came here. Get some help. for your sake and the sake of your son.

When my son was acting out, I took him to a child counselor once a week for about six months. It helped him handle his anger and moods...(he was 6-7 at the time)

Now things are better, and his down moments are not as low. He does feel some bad feelings when his dad lets his anger out on him (my ex is a very unhappy and bitter person). My own counselor told me that although I cannot prevent my ex from acting like a jerk, I can focus on what I CAN control. And that is, doing my best to be positive and upbeat around my kids as much as possible. To build in traditions and moments that my kids will remember with joy. Nothing too expensive, we have Milkshake Mondays where I make shakes, Tuesday is Game Night, we play a board game, Thursday is pillow fight night and Friday is movie night. Simple things my son and daughter look forward to and times when we can laugh together.

Try to find a few ways to laugh with your son. It really will help you both.

that sounds like a good idea to watch a funny movie together. I joined a divorced and separated support group last night. It was good to share and listen to other people that are going through the same thing. the guy that runs the group seems really nice and spiritual. I need to get more of a support system. Hope you are doing well.

the group is called divorce care and they have meetings in a lot of cities. Maybe you would benefit from it. their website is divorcecare.org.

rysmom,

I'm glad to hear you are getting help. As difficult as it is, try not to drive by your H's place any more. It creates very bad triggers for you.

How about support for your son?

I asked my son if he wants to go to a psychologist and he said no. I think he would benefit from talking to someone though. I called one that his school recommend but he doesnt accept our ins. so I have to find another one.

I found out the other day h is going to buy a bed today for him and ow because his mother is coming home from hospital, and they cant sleep in her bed anymore. I have to detach, this info hurts me.

I talked to db coach Laurie today, she gave great advice, detach and GAL.

"I asked my son if he wants to go to a psychologist and he said no." You don't ask. You make the appointment and go with him. YOU are his mother not the other way around. Good for you for still looking.

"detach and GAL."

That's what everyone's been advising you from day one. But what you have difficulty doing is following through. What are some concrete actions that you will be doing to achieve this? Write them down like goals and follow through.

rys-

I'm glad you talked to Laurie.

I saw your question on Newcomers. Here's the info:

From Keeping love Alive


"Take some advice from the world of advertising: know who your audience is and speak to their needs. Instad of making demands that fall on deaf ears, appeal to your partner's interests (instead of your own!) when you're trying to get him or her to change. If you do so, you'll be more likely to motivate your partner to doing things differently.

Think of something you would like your partner to do, but haven't figured out how to convince him or her to change yet. Make sure you completely understand your partner's point of view even if you don't entirely agree with it.
Explain why this point of view is so important to him/her.


Identify the specific behavioral change you'd like your partner to make, in action terms.

Experiment with ways of expressing to your partner how the change you are proposing fits with his or her point of view. In other words, describe how this change will be an advantage to your partner given his or her perspectivie on the situation.

Now that you know what you want to change and how your partner feels, the first thing you must do is acknowledge your partner's feelings. Then, explain how what you are requesting will actually be a means to your partner's desired ends."