Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Wife of 6-years is Divorcing Me ...Need Counsel II

...THAT is my greatest concern.

alamo,

so, how's that detaching plan going? The one that won't care or even notice how long her texts to you are, or how she looks at you or what she says to you, or does not say, and or blah blah blah. NONE of what she says/does not say, matters! And only half of what she DOES...got it? Besides, at least she answered the text. Many WASs don't.

It's all about your 180s (any visible to her yet?) and GAL activities. How are THOSE going? How is YOUR life going and the work you are doing on YOU? Don't forget to focus on what you CAN control, and to let go of the rest.
In your sitch, you know she had her reasons for leaving. She was not "insane" to go. And frankly, truth be told, if she had not left you, my gut says you would not have made the changes you are making now.

The good news is that you ARE making them. Maybe a 180 would be for you to THANK HER

dang that button sure doesn't allow ANY editing...

yes so the point was, what if your 180 for the day was to thank her for triggering the changes in you. No bragging about the changes and no big discussion or details.

In fact, no expectation from you at all. Just the desire to thank her for helping you become the man you are becoming b/c you fear that you might not have made these changes otherwise. Tell her you do not want a response/reply but that you simply wanted her to know you are grateful. ZERO EXPECTATIONS...but know you might just be planting a seed. And know that seeds take time, and consistent watering (behavior), to take root.

I agree, 25, and what a good idea. I've been waiting for a good time (rather than a perfect time, because that would be waiting for eternity) to tell her face-to-face. I hope I haven't been over-analyzing the timing part, and just get it out there. Or maybe I should write her a note, or send her an e-mail or something.

In terms of my 180s, I'm not sure if she can she my changes up front. We see each other, on average, 2-3 minutes per day, with half of that centered around our son. What can she assess from that?

This week, she's hosting two of her close friends from med school at her place (due to "call-backs" at their college), so she quite obviously hasn't seemed interested in saying more than "Hi." to me, let alone talk.

Yes, it's discouraging to know that, right now, she doesn't seem to care.

I would just say that be careful your tone so that you don't come across as telling her as a form of sarcasm. She'll read through any positive to see the true negative if there are any in your intentions.

Will do. That's also partly why I'm nervous about WHEN to do it. I think I lack self-confidence with this one, but I have to snap out of it -- pronto!

Feels like every day gone by is a day wasted.

Hey Alamo - sorry to have been a ghost for so long, but I just wanted to say hey and see how you were doing? When I have some time I need to catch up on your thread.

UPDATE 5/24 6pm
Waiting for my wife as the norm nowadays to pick up our son from my place. I was out playing ball with him, so I missed a call from her phone, but then received a voicemail from her med-school friend K who's staying with her for the week. She reported that my wife was not feeling well at all, and wondered if I could take care of our boy for the night.
I called back and her friend answered the phone, and I asked about my wife -- how she was doing, what happened, etc. She was having serious gastricitis, was vomiting a lot and pretty much incapacitated. She asked again if I would watch our son, I said "Of course!" I told her friend that it breaks my heart knowing full well how much pain and discomfort she must be in (my wife has a pretty messed-up stomach lining).

K: Awww, I'm sorry. Don't worry -- I'll be driving out to the pharmacy in a minute to buy some meds for her.
M: I'm glad she has you right now to take care of her.
K: Awww, no problem.
M: Thanks for taking care of her, K. Bye.

I felt good about the entire conversation. Her friend knows both of us pretty well, but I was mildly surprised that K was nice to me.

Wondering out loud: Should I check up on my wife? Like, ask her how she's doing, or just let it be?

UPDATE 11:15am

Wife texts me, "Can u call me at your earliest convenience".
Interesting how that sentence sounded so formal.

Since I was at work, I didn't respond right away. I had a hunch why she was calling; since I had our son an extra night because she was sick, I figured she would pick our son from school and have him all evening today. I called back 20 minutes later.

(After many rings) W: Hi..sorry.
M: Hello...what's up?
W: I was wondering if I can pick "E" up from daycare...since you had him two nights in a row.
M: You want to pick him from daycare today? Of course!
W: Okay great.
W: Another thing, Scotty (son of my wife's best friend) is having a birthday party on Sunday at 1pm.
M: Okay, so Scotty has a birthday party? Is it going to be at Chuck E Cheese again? LOL
W: No, it's going to be at their house, and it's a pirate theme with a pirate.
M: "E" is going to like that.
W: So I can swing by Walnut Creek (where I go to church on Sunday) to pick him up. I don't want to meet at church, so maybe we handover somewhere close.
M: Okay.
M: Do you want to come pick "E"'s blankets and his stuff up today?
W: Oh, right. I don't know.
M&W: Yadda yadda yadda
M: You know, I think he'll be fine. Just explain to him and he'll understand; I did it a couple of nights ago when you were sick.
W: He was okay?
M: Yes...do you have other blankets that you can use? They'll work.
W: Okay, I think I'll do that. I'll let you know.
M: Keep me posted.
W: Okay then.
M: Are you feeling better today?
W: Yeah.
M: Okay cool, talk to you later then. Bye.
W: Bye.

After typing this, I start wondering if I should've just said no to my wife's reasoning about me getting our son for two days in a row. I mean, she fell sick. It's her personal lost time, not mine. So why I should I give up MY time with our son so that she can feel less guilty as a mom? I don't think that's my problem to solve.