Just came back from session with my counselor. No major breakthroughs, but I always feel better after seeing him. He is very impressed with how far I have come in a year and a half. That's such a great thing to hear from a professional.
I know it's a little thing, but I am very pleased with how I handled myself when STBX called me today. It's a tiny victory to have her break the darkness. Next time though, I should be a little bit friendlier. Just because.
I realize that it may seem that this was all planned, but it really isn't likely so. The brain does a lot of re-work, and your mind is framing it in this way. A lot of folks do that. And a lot of folks here FEED that perspective. It doesn't make it true.
The most important perspective is--how does what you believe about the situation affect how you behave. And that's where being positive is most helpful. The truth is that people change their minds even throughout a given day. Your wife's mind has changed in so many different ways throughout this time. So has yours.
Set your goal. Set your mind/thoughts to help you achieve your goals. Monitor results and adjust accordingly.
Btw, BTM--You are an asset to the board and I am glad you are here and posting.
I know it isn't likely that it was all planned, but I have worked through all possibilities and that is the one that is most likely. She certainly got to a place she appears to have always wanted and did so without looking "guilty" to our kids. That's actually good in some ways. I don't want my kids to feel negatively about their mom.
Believing much of it was planned has really helped me to move forward and let her live the life she has, at the very least, chosen and acted to arrive at. My mind has changed so many times, it's incredible. But, in the past, those changes were reactive to her behavior and not proactive. That is not the case now.
I have set my goal and set my mind to achieving that goal. It's simple - let her lie in the bed she made and enjoy being the man I am today.
Thanks for the kind words. I stick around mostly to vent my negative thoughts in a safe place, but also to try to help others when I can. My 6 years here (on and off) may not have saved my marriage, but they certainly helped to save me.
