Just thought of something that is going to be my 180 also. H has admitted to me that I have been the perfect wife for the last 5 weeks wish it could have happened 5 yrs ago. I told him I know that I am doing a great job and will continue to do a great job. That no matter what I say he will not listen to that my actions will speak to him. He said he is affair that things will go back to the way they were. He also said he is not sure if he can love me like he use to but that time will tell if he can change his feelings.
Well I have been doing a lot of thinking of things that I can change also so. Here is what I am going to tell him when he gets home tonight. That I wanted him to know that I am going to contact the woman that he says is his friend and that nothing is going on with. I know her also we did go out a few times. I want to meet her for coffee or a drink and talk to her. He knows I would never ever do this. Some one crosses me and they are done. I want to apologizes to her for think that they have something going on. Also want to let her know that she is more than welcome to my house if her and her family want to come over like she has wanted. I am want to see how this is going to go over with H.
I am going to tell him I did not have to let him know that I want to talk to her but think it is the right thing since she is his friend.
So H tells me today he does not want to work things out. We need to come up with a plan for us. H wants the kids to stay with him. I can stay here till I have enought money to buy furnature and get a place of my own. He sees all the work that I am doing and he feels nothing for me. He does not want to feel anything for me.
So gave H the book and he looks at it and said he is not reading it. He has not known that I had the book. I told him that he is going to need help with this and this book has helped me a lot.
I told him he has no clue what he is in for. He tells me I know I don't I am very scared. I told him well I am not. He was shocked, I said why would I be scared I do it all right now on my own. The only thing that will be missing is him from the picture when I move out. Right now we sleep in separate beds so I wont miss that I told him. I also told him I am not going to make this easy on him. He is not going to be getting everything he thinks he is. Right now it is totaly drop all talking to him unless it is about my kids.
He tells me he wants to take me to surgery. I ask why and he said because he does I said is it out of guilt that you want to take me. I need some one that is going to be with me to hold my hand and that is something you said you will not do. Have not made my mind up about if I have him take me or not.
SO I did sent another message yesterday to his friend. She got these today and txt H that I was threating her. She forward what I said to him. Of course because she thought this he did. I explained to him it was not a threat. He said he was happy that it was not but that when I talked to her I need to make her feel reassured of this and to make things right. That is his friend and I should not make her feel this way. He said that he wanted me to call her right away. Well my phone was charging I told him I would. Well when the phone was done charging she left me a couple of not to kind messages.
I then tried to call her she did not answer I left her a very nice message that I was not trying to threaten her at all to call me and thanked her. Well about an hour went by so I txted. Her to let her know I was just calling to apologizes that was all. Well she txt me back that she would call me. She did call and said a bunch of stuff that I am just his friend on and on. Not sure if he has someone else. I said I did not care this call was not about that it was just to apologizes to you. That no hard feeling at all because we live in a small town and I know I will run in to her. She then said is that all I said yes sorry again then said Good Bye.
Not sure what kind of story he is going to get but I am very happy that I made this call. Lifted a lot off my shoulders. Still not sure if they had something going on but do not care now. I hope that this has helped him some to see that I can forgive and forget.
All I want is my H and M. I also did give him my wedding ring back yesterday not sure it that was the right move or not but nothing I can do now. Last time we had problems he told me if I gave it back to him I would never get it back again. Thinking about getting it out and putting it back to see what he does.
I think I am going to get it right now and do just that.
Just need to get on here so I did not lose it and txt or call H. He just left for work after me waking up and saying Good Morning nothing back. I sleep on the couch now so I turned on the TV and just laid on the couch he call from the kitchen when did you make this is it still good I say yes.
I then tell him before he leaves that surgery is next Monday and I asked him to take me. Should not have but don't have any other choice pretty much. He tells me fine. Then txt to say if our S16 could take out the garbage. I txt back I will.
I just miss him so much right now I can not even believe that I am here like this. I sometimes go to our bedroom when he leaves. Just to lay on his side of the bed to try to be close to him (smell him). Well today is the first day since this has started April 17th that he made the bed.I have been the one going in and making the bed. This for some reason makes me very sad.
I know that I have started to do the 180's he has noticed and told me his wish I did them 5 yrs ago. Well I just keep in my mind the things that he said that pushed him to this.
I know that I am working on these things for me as if he see's this then I am sure others do also and it was a wake up call for me. I have now in the last 24 hours stopped him in his tracts he did not know what to say or do. I told him yesterday even though I do not sleep in the bed any more I washed his sheets told him I hope he enjoyed them when he went to bed. Today even though I should not under doctors orders right now be doing a lot. I got out the summer comforter for the bed. Washed it seen that it needs to be fixed seam coming out will do that tomorrow. But asked him if he wanted me to but the winter one away as I washed the summer one seen that it needs to be fixed will do tomorrow.
He just looked at me like I was speaking so other launghaue. Doing this was for him but also for me. I am realy enjoying keeping up on stuff like he wanted. I also am trying to think a step ahead.
I know that he says he wants out so I am doing these things to show him I have changed but also for me. As I know that I will be down for a while after my surgery next week.
I have been doing a lot of reading on here and it helps me so much. I know that I have a long road ahead of me but keep taking one day at a time. God is carring me a lot lately and I know will keep until I am strong enough to do it on my own.
Well yesterday I had a few baby steps but he is still very upset. H talks to me with anger in his voice most of the time. I have notice a couple other steps also. H went to the store for me on Sunday not sure if this is due to the surgery on this coming Monday or not.
H also told me last night you are not the maid here. I did not say anything just that please just let me do this while I can because next week is going to be hard for me to do things. I also told H last night that once I am better that he will need to make dinners on Thur. nights. H says to me why do I need to know something? I tell him know he then says to me well what will you be doing. So I told him I will be taking a Country Line dancing class. I also asked him about how do you get motorcycle temps as he got them a few years ago. H tells me how and then asks why again. I told him I was going to get them and then take a class. He says again good for you I know that you have wanted that for a long time. Hold off for the 25.00 class that they offer in stead of the one that is 400.00. I said nothing.
Yesterday was the first day that I did not contact him at all during the day, he also did not contact me. He knew before he left for work that I was in a lot of pain and it hurt me a lot that he did not contact me. When he got home he ask's how are you doing with the pain told him it hurt alot still. I did say that I should not have you are asking now but never called to check on me during the day.
Taking everything one day at a time. I know right now he is helping me more but not sure if it is because of surgery. I started dinner and he told me he would finish it if I told him how. I told him to look on the box because I was not sure what was next. He also spent more time with me and my daughter in the living room instead of going in the family room. That was one of my goals so I hit that.
No I would not say that I amy happy falling all over my self.
Well just as I thought things were moving forward we move back I feel. Found out that H got his own bank account now also. No only did he do that he cancelled our 1 and only major credit card that we have. H got his own txt me to tell me and told me that I need to get my own. Ok how can I make this happen I ask him as I have no job??? Would have been nice if you told me I said. I said I understand why you did this but could we have not checked to see if we could have just removed you off of the card?
He txt back about 15 min later and said it was his card I was only a rider so no they could not do that. To not worry at all he will get me what ever I need if I need something. I then tell him that I want to know ever bill that is getting paid out of our joint account. All of a sudden he sends me my monthly bill that I need to be paying. H said i am not going to steal money from you but you owe (your car payment, and half of every thing else) with the list. I do get unemployeement but according to him I am still short 429.00 a month. I do have some money saved so I cut him the check for what I owed him and deposited in our joing account. Now he wants me to move out I need to save my money and I mean he says every penny. As he wants me to move out how can this happen when he is telling me I am now short every month?? H told me when he started this talk that he would cover every thing and that he would get me money every month to save. Well I some of this has changed because. I did tell him on Saturday when he said no chance of us getting back together that I want half of his 401K. He did tell me that is why he got his own acct.
