Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums For Newcomers Today is a new day

DG, I think you are on the right track. It's a very real possiblity he will back on your M will be stronger than it ever has been. I know you do not want him to come back too early. If he does come back too early, there's the risk if things tanked again he would never come back again. If he hadn't left, you wouldn't have had the opportunity to work on yourself like you've - you wouldn't have been as motivated as you are now. You may have lived your lives in mediocrity. Just keep the positive changes going. You're doing a great job!

Thanks jb-you always have such positive things to say to me.

I'm just feeling a little down tonight I guess.

But I was doing some thinking about some of the positive things that have happened in the past 3 months:

-my relationship with my boys is a lot better, especially with my S15.
I tell him every day that I love him. Before I leave for work, when I drop him off somewhere, and before I go to bed, and he actually says "Love you too". For any parents of teenagers, you know how important hearing that is. Even though I know he loves me, it's still good to hear it.

-My S15 actually told me last week that I seem happier without my H. I told him that I wasn't happier, I was just being thankful for what I do have instead of moping about what I don't

-my cat, who worshiped the ground my H walked on and ignored me any time he was around, follows me everywhere and always wants to cuddle with me. Since she & I are the only females in the house, we have to stick together

- I can watch as many chick flicks as I want without having anyone complain that I've seen the same movie 1000 times.

-when my kids are with their Dad for the week, my house is clean for an entire week! That is a rare thing these days

-I can listen to whatever radio station or cd I want when I'm driving

I'm sure I can think of more....but that's enough for now.

DG,

AND think tv show you wanna watch without someone else controlling the remote and switching between 4 shows or sport games or ESPN!

I'm in the same boat that me and my oldest girl are even closer than before. Not the way I wanted it to play out but these days, I'll take what I can get!

Hang in there...

Journaling----

Today is a good friends bday, and she is having a big get together/bonfire tonight at her home. She extended the invite to H, and he texted me last night saying he may go to her party, he hasn't quite decided yet.

So I don't really know what to think. If he does go, how do I act? Do I ignore him because we are separated or do I act like everything is ok?
I'm thinking maybe I should just let him take the lead?
I don't want to smother him or be overly affectionate or clingy, and I also don't want to take anything he may say or not say personally.

Advice?

My suggestions...

First, take a moment to just breathe.

Act today 'as if'. You have an opportunity to show a new you; make the best of the chance. Be friendly, not flirty smile as much as you can and just let the day "be". Let him strike up conversation if he comes over to you, don't goto him. If he starts negative comments, just listen, validate and think of a quick opportunity to walk away from that moment.

And look damn good...so people can say, why on earth would he want out..only a FOOL would. Ok?

You are absolutely right. This is an opportunity for him to see that my changes are real and that I am doing well.
I have already made myself a promise that I won't engage in any R talk with him. I want to just relax and have a good time.

DG:

A lot of times we get so caught up in the DB mantra that we forget common sense. Do what feels right. Every interaction can be a positive interaction if you make it so. How would you act if he was a close friend? I doubt you would be all over a really close friend. Do not be distant but do not be all over him. Guys like space and a chance to breathe but they also like attention.

Remember, IMO, all the DB advice is a good blue print but in the end you have to adjust to your specific scenario. As you know I went to OK in April, that was shortly after my D was final everything in the DB universe was against it. I went. I think I had a GREAT visit and a lot of positives came out of it. If I had not gone I would have wondered.

Test/Evaluate/Continue or Adjust

This is a great chance for you guys to hang out and have some fun (beginners mind). In top of that your H recently did a C session and that is very positive so pretend you are seeing a very close friend and enjoy yourself.

No pressure

2Step is right DG.

Treat your H as you would a close friend.

Don't be afraid to approach him to strike up convo. He may feel awkward as well. So don't be afraid to take the lead.

No R talk whatsoever!

Look good... Smell good!

Be in good spirits. Smile. Do not get upset at anything he says or does.

Show him the best of the NEW you!

Don't cling to him either... mingle... talk to other gents ... but don't ignore him either.

Have fun!!

BITS
Denver

It has been raining pretty much all day, but the sun came out about an hour ago and it makes all the difference in the world!
Me and a friend decided to take a walk, and it has done so much for my spirit.

Update-

H didn't come to the party, and I really didn't expect he would anyway.
In a way, it made things easier for me because I didn't have to worry about any awkwardness.
I did have a good time, it was a beautiful night so we sat outside.
I brought some stuff to drink, but didn't even end up drinking it.
I don't think I need alcohol at this point in my life.

I even managed to play some basketball, which was fun. Let's just say I'm not good at it.

H sent me a text asking me to tell everyone he was sorry he couldn't make it and to say hello. I didn't say anything to anyone nor did I answer him.

He texted me about 5 minutes later and told me he missed me and thinks we should get together soon. I waited a good 15 minutes and texted back I miss u 2 and left it at that.

I am not sure how I am feeling right now....fine, I guess.
I'm glad I was able to GAL tonight and not worry about H.