You are filing too soon. My advice is to talk to a DB coach and get EXPERT advice. You need more information FIRST. Even if there is another woman, there are so many more steps and options before filing, if you really are interested in saving your marriage.
Giving yourself a timeline and a deadline isn't always useful. It's artificial. Doing so is useful if you have been at this a long time, and honestly, 6m is not a long time.
What changes have you really made? When you say you've done a 180, can you identify his stereotype of you, and has your 180 addressed it?
Its been a long couple of days.. I'm having serious doubts right now about pursuing a reconciliation. I just keep asking myself, how can I possibly be in love with someone who so clearly doesn't love me. So perhaps I am just imagining that I am still in love with him, because quite frankly, I don't remember what it felt like NOT to be in love with him. He 'says' he doesn't love me, he's not happy with me, he can't get out of the house quick enough these days, he stopped emailing, texting me unless its about our children, he doesn't look at me, he barely speaks to me. honestly, its almost as if HE's the one going dark. Its like he has multple personalities. I had an IC session last week, and she basically told me to take control of my life - to not wait around for him. That he's cake eating right now, and I have given him zero reason to want to come home, since he totally has it made right now. She told me that I would need to light a fire under him - but to be careful, b/c I had to prepare myself for the worst. She told me as long as I still had hope, then not to try to stir things up. But I honestly don't think I have hope anymore. We've been officially separated for 8 months now - what was supposed to have been a 2 month trial separation is no longer a trial. The first 7 months were actually great and now he is suddenly shutting me out of his life completely. I am seriously considering telling him its over. Don't get me wrong, I have no plans of initiating the divorce myself - mainly b/c I refuse to go to the trouble, when he is causing me so much pain. Sitting here waiting for what is probably inevitable - even though he still swears he doesn't know what he wants - is absolutely killing me. I don't want to be alone anymore. and the longer I sit here waiting for a man who is likely never going to come back to me, the longer it will be until I find the true happiness I deserve. I also need serious closure. My C reminded me that I've been surviving alone for 8 months - as a working single mother - and she was quite surprised to say that I was doing so well (it sure as heck doesn't feel like it, but I managed to only well up in tears for a moment during the session which I suppose is an improvement. She doesn't know that I cry myself to sleep practically every night). Anyways, I just dont know what to do. If I actually thought there MAY be some hope, then I dont think I'd be ready to tell him its over, but right now, I just feel hopeless. I also feel like my children - both boys - need to see that their mother is a strong capable woman. I know I can make it without him. But that doesn't stop my heart from breaking in a thousand pieces. Its really unimaginable to me that I could ever love somebody else. Could really use some support/advise right now... TIA.
so my H just emailed me to tell me he is going to look at renting a house tonight (he has been living at his moms for 8 months). I was going to tell him its over this week - as I knew this was coming. I'm not surprised whatsoever, and I really thought I was preparing myself for the end, but now that's he's told me this, I feel absolutely sick to my stomach all over again. I am a complete and utter mess. This the end... I have to accept it and move on. I know that, I get that, but I just don't want to feel this pain anymore... I just cannot for the life of me understand how we got to this place. Our marriage was never horrible, our problems were minor, and now its over. With a 23 month old and a 5 year old who do not deserve this. I feel totally devastated right now and its really really hard - even impossible - to believe that I will ever feel okay again.
ok today is the worst day ever. I dont even know how to breath right now. He came to see the boys for a half hour tonight, and we briefly talked, he agreed that is over, and actually asked if i wnated to see the new place he was going to rent, and if i had any questions since our children would be there. I started hyperventilating - honestly, I haven't broken down in front of him in over 6 months, but I couldn't help myself, this all just happend 10 minutes ago, and I still can barely breath. I knew this was going to sting, but I am clearly not coping very well at the moment. I know I am in shock right now, but I am so angry and hurt right now - and I keep asking God why this is happening, and what is so wrong with me that nobody can ever love me unconditionally and forever. I know thats ridiculous but right now in this moment, that how I feel, and I am completely and utterly falling apart, and I just feel like disappearing right now. Its always worse when my kids are at daycare or asleep - I am much stronger when they are with me b/c they remind me of how blessed I am just to have them but when I'm completely on my own, my heart really feels like its snapping in half. Im sorry for this sloppy message, but I haven't anyone really to talk to about this - not that I feel like talking - so I need to get it out somewhere, and i think i have finally hit rock bottom... How does one move on? Support - please
So I was hoping I'd feel a bit better today but I don't... Gosh I hate this awful feeling. I know its over in my heart, but I still know its not what I want. I still want to be with him, and I feel like we have such a long future ahead of yes. Why can't it be a good one. We briefly talked last night before he had to rush off and he said again that this is not about him wanting to be with someone else. I don't know why but that almost makes it hurt a bit more, b/c then I know he's truly thought long and hard about how much he does NOT want to be with me. I know you will all disagree with this part, but we did talk about divorce - I brought it up but mainly b/c he has made it clear that its over, and I just want him to say its over - which he still hesitates. Although last night he pretty much said 'yup its over'. But again when I mentioned divorce - he again asked why we would have to do that - that a legal separation is all we will need. He has said this in the past, and he asked me whats the point in getting divorced. I am so confused - I dont know why he's doing any of this. I can't remember what I wrote in my last few posts since they still haven't shown up, but he did admit to starting antidepressants three weeks ago - but of course he said they don't make a difference. Now that I've admitted out loud that I believe this to be over, I just can't imagine feeling worse than I do right now. Yet I know its going to be even worse when he moves his stuff out, and worse yet when I sit down with a lawyer, and absolutely devastating when we have to talk about separation of assets and even worse custody. The strength I need to get through the next couple of months seems impossible. Today's question - given all of this new information, am I right to assume there is zero hope left? Please help.
Hi, I am there right now. On Father's day, while my H was moving from one apartment to a 2 bedroom apartment, the private detective I hired found him with the OW (that I did not know existed) holding my children-she is actually moving into the apartment with him!!!!! The PI pretended to be a new neighbor and she told him that her name was Nicole and that she and her boyfriend were living there with THEIR two children (yes, my children!). I was devastated. On FAther's day of all days.
Did I confront him? Yes. And filed for divorce. I have a 3 year old and 11 month old baby and he comes when he wants to, contributes no support to the kids, and I am working and supporting myself as a single mother. I can't do this any longer. I am in full dark/LRT and he is getting served today. Do you know I actually made his last car payment two weeks ago and he was driving his new girlfriend around in the car I am paying for?
It has been 6 months for me, 8 months of emotional detachment, and he makes no attempts to work with me. He is in full blown MLC. I just can't wait it out anymore. What man leaves a 5 month old baby and 2.5 year old girl?
My heart goes out to you. I am not advocating that you file for divorce but to really look at the situation and see if you are stressed/tired/hurt and want a quick solution to this mess or are you reallyd done. For me-I am really done. Finding my husband with a new woman, holding my children, and finding out that he was not going to tell me about this (I know nothing about this woman and would have known nothing about this woman had he not been caught)-I am done. I know infidelity should not kill a marriage but I am managing all that I can right now with no end in sight. For me-enough is enough.
Give yourself a chance to get some rest and really think about your options before filing. I prayed and really thought about it. I will keep DB and move on and only time will tell if it makes a difference.
worst night of my entire life. H said we had to get a divorce b/c we can't keep living like this. He still can't say with 100% certainty that its completely over, b/c according to him he just doesn't know. So b/c he doesn't know, we must get divorced. We talked about some stuff (or shall I say cried through some stuff). I asked why things were going so great only a few months back - he said that was him 'trying'. Apparently he didn't think it was as good as I thought. He admitted it was good but not 'amazing'. So now I know - he's looking for amazing. He just keeps shaking his head saying he's just so unhappy - and he says he doesn't even know if its b/c of me. He admits he's not happy with anything in his life right now. But he doesn't think he's depressed. I cannot believe we are about to throw away 12 years without even really knowing why. I am completely stunned and utterly baffled. Of course I totally broke down during the conversation - I dont care what the books say, there is no way I'd ever be able to control myself during a conversation that heavy - and I'm just talking about tears/sobbing - i didn't yell or argue or beg - although i was shocked at how defensive he has become about stuff. My heart is physically aching right now, and I just wish I could just sleep for 5 days and wake up feeling better. I can't even take a sleeping pill tonight to knock myself out b/c my 23 month old had a nasty fall this morning and I have to wake him up every 3-4 hours to make sure he doesn't have a concussion. Just another reminder that I am completely on my own - I will never have my H - my children's father - supporting me on anything. He will always be there for the kids, but he will never be there for ME again.
Honestly, do people still hold out any hope in situations like this? If so, how the heck do you do it? How can you believe anything will ever be good again when your spouse tells you that your marriage is completely over and that don't think they are in love with you anymore... I know I know - believe none of what they say, but I've been physically separated for over 8 months now, and I'm starting to feel like a complete fool for ever believing there was any hope.
Clearly the last few days have been my darkest. It doesn't help that my posts take days to appear, and nobody ever comments on them b/c I dont think anyone ever sees them. I have never felt more alone.
