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(((((IB))))),

Shameful behavior from shameful people. I hope that you and your son have a better day tomorrow. Your ex will be the talk of the town, he will regret all of this someday. Not soon enough, but it does happen.

In the meanwhile, take care of you and your son. You did not do anything to deserve this treatment but you must do something to make yourself feel better. Take a walk, call a friend or IC, have a good cry but do something for you...

Ever

Irish,

You mentioned above that you were 'out of your element'; and that's exactly wrong. You are what you have always been. Supportive mother and friend, there for your kids through thick and thin. It is your element that XH and OW has invaded.

In my experience, people usually try to make a spectacle of themselves when THEY are feeling out of their element. A pitiful cry of "Hey, look at me, how great I've got it" Fortunately, most people around will just be embarrassed for him. Others will be appalled.

Regardless, although I am sorry for your son's sake, you acted perfectly. Now, unfortunately, it is up to your son to tell his Dad to grow up or not show up, but let that be his decision.

You are doing great Irish, just having a bit of down time. Put it to good use. ((HUGS))

Each day you will find strength. Each new day you will find you again. We are all out of our element here. We were part of something for years. It took how many years to get to this place, you can't change things over night. We have a choice everyday we wake up. We can choose to stay in the fetal position or we can choose to fight. Fight for ourselves. Fight to be whole again. Fight to be confident in ourselves again. Fight to smile and laugh again. Every day is a choice... In time, you will detach and the feelings will subside. I couldn't bear to even look at my W when she left at any sporting events for our boys. In time, it was ok to sit by her.

You will find your stength. Whatever you do, don't run out and start dating yet to get him back or find someone to make you whole and feel safe. It is a false sense of security. Right now that is what he has with her. He is able to push away all his emotions that he should be feeling at the end of marriage with the OW.

You have to do in on your own before someone else can do that for you. I learned that the hard way.

IB, I am so sorry your xh and the ow felt a need to be so classless. Sad, really.

I am sure your son was upset. Unfortunately, as much as we want to, we cannot do anything to fix that for our children.

I agree with Punkin. It is now up to your son to tell his father how he feels. He will not hear it if it comes from you. And he might not hear it from son either.

We should never, ever be defined by our roles. Rather, we should be defined by the kind of person we are. You are a strong, loving, loyal, intelligent woman.

As far as your ex and his antics - You belong there at your son's games. You cheer him on and act with dignity and grace. Believe me, people are shaking their heads at the two of them.

This is your life, IB. Live it!

Day 1 recovering from rotten weekend. I am trying to take all of your words to heart. I have a lot of work to do. I was reading through my journal from this past year and when XH and I had committed to marital recovery we established a "narrow path" that we would follow. I realized that I need that same recovery for myself. So I am setting up my own path. Slow and steady.

Day 2 - recovery continues. Came home and took a nap with no guilt. S continues to defy boundaries. I am trying to maintain calm - but it is sucking the very life out of me. But I am not getting off my track. I need to feel better.

Come on, IB, dig in. You can do this.

You just have to believe it.

Hey IB

Just drop by to give ya a cyberhug...

((((((Hug))))))

So what is good in your life today? It is sunny where I live....ahhhhh...the sun feels good.

Chin up.

Thank you very much! Recovery Day 3 - faced the monster - BILLS!! I have been avoiding responsibility - not proud of it - but I can't do this to myself any longer. I am better than this. No self-medicating with beverages - don't need the calories. Instead I am going to bed early and trying to read. I've been re-reading the chaotic notes that journal the last 11 months. It is frightening! I wonder if I will ever fully process the heinous treatment I have experienced over this last year. Definitely will take time and care.