UPDATE 4:19am I had a horrible dream about my wife last night where she was dating many men and outwardly physical with them in front of me, but completely oblivious to my existence at the same time. I woke up with a wounded heart...I hate that feeling. Saying a prayer, and listening to K-Love Radio (don't laugh) on my commute cheered me up again and helped me refocus.
If I do get into ruts (and especially if I stubbornly stay there) in the future, I hope I can rely on y'all to slap me out of it. My focus needs to be on the Lord and His power. I need to keep working on improving myself for me, and continue to be compassionate, forgiving and caring to my wife (things I continue to struggle to be).
I love my wife and son, and I will continue to pursue what we can be TODAY everyday, not yesterday or the past 6-years of our marriage. Please keep praying for me, y'all -- that God can, in His master plan, allow my wife and I to be reconciled. For all of us, in fact.
I listen to KLOVE radio most of the day everyday. It has helped me get through several difficult days. I'd very much recommend it. The email in my first post on my thread, "Faith makes things possible...not easy" is from a pastor from KLOVE.
Me:45 ExW:48 M:04/97 3 Bombs & 2 ReCons 1st BD 11/10 D Finalized 4/20 D-16 S-14 Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Country Song, Croppin, sandi -- thank you all for the prayers. We just can't deny the power of prayer. God is listening.
Left in the Bay -- I've gotten into K-Love, but it's right smack in the middle of their pledge drive/fundraiser right now, so there's a lot more talking than music or devo.
UPDATE 8pm My wife has a swamped week at the hospital, so I have my son tonight too, and she said likely tomorrow and Saturday morning too. Whoo-hoo, I love my having my son around, though it's been a crazy exhausting (and emotional) week for me too. Work has been keeping me completely tied down....good stuff!
I also wanted to tell y'all something my landlords told me today. The short back story: They've been showing the house lately since I'll be moving out. A couple of days ago, they just happen to come by a little earlier than scheduled, and my wife and I were in the middle of exchanging our son plus she was telling me about her week and her friend possibly going into labor.
So anyway, today after another showing my landlords, they asked how things are going with the divorce. I brought them up to speed...yadda yadda yadda. Then the wife told me that when they saw and heard us talking a couple of days ago, she saw there was that distance and usual awkwardness between us, but she added that there was still love in the way we talked. They hoped that things will work out between us.
Wow, regardless of whether her observation is true or not, that put a smile on my face!
Hey, I would say an outside perspective it clearer than our own right now!
Enjoy the time with your S!
I guess it was the way I said it, but upon hearing me say that I still want to fight for my wife, my landlord added: "Awww, you really love her. That's so sad the three of you have to go through this..."
UPDATE 8pm Our son spent another night with me this week, so that's 3 nights already and it's been awesome; we did a lot today, like go to a carnival, etc. He misses his mom for sure, and she had a short respite from work to take him out in the evening today.
It was odd the way my wife acted around me. I mean, when she texted or talked on the phone she was nice, yet when she came by to take our son out, I had to be the one to say hi to her before she'd acknowledge me. We were friendly and all that afterwards, though.
I miss her SO MUCH, y'all.
I still can't believe I'm here sometimes, you know?
Had the entire morning with our son -- we went to church, ate at the taco truck, etc. Mom comes from work to fetch him after his nap. At that time we were at the playground across the street, so we just started a casual conversation. My wife talked about her work day, her schedule, while I took the opportunity to ask her about auto insurance for her new car (she got her own policy, so won't need to keep our joint old one), and her garage door opener for our current house (she lost it during the move).
Concerning the insurance, I told her that I can't just cancel her policy, because of the automatic restraining order. She gave me a quizzical look, and said "Restraining order?" So I explained to her that when a divorce is started, there's an auto restraining order, and one of the things is no insurance can be cancelled or claimed against the spouse. I told her that she would need to give me a written notice to inform me she will not need the car insurance any longer. She said: "Okay, but you can go ahead and cancel it because there's no reason for me to pay for a car that does not exist anymore." Odd that my wife would go consult and pay for a lawyer, and not have a clue what the California automatic restraining order entails.
Then at 7:30pm, she calls me from her house. She said she wanted to discuss with me on whether to spank our son; he was being disrespectful (laughing at her warnings for timeouts, continuously saying "No"). Our daycare provider had reported a couple of such behaviors, but personally I think it's the separation/divorce effect -- as much as each parent mutually agree or work "together" on raising their children in their own house, there's the lack of consolidated parenting under one roof, no balance. Anyway, I didn't tell her that.
We discuss the pros and cons of spanking, and at one point I said: "Can I talk to 'E'? I would like to give him some warnings to listen to you."
W: No, I think that will undermine my authority as his parent right now.
M: Hmm, okay.
So after a while, we agreed to spank one time on the bottom, fast, quick, with enough of a surprise to him, and most importantly, not out of anger.
M: Thank you for discussing this with me.
W: We still ARE his parents.
M: Well, it's awesome that we're able to talk about this together.
W: You're welcome.
M: I'll be saying a quick prayer for you and him, by the way. LOL
If he's laughing at her warnings of "time-out", then he's making a game out of her discipline technique. When he's with her then she needs to show him that she is in authority over him, as his parent. She did the right thing by not having you to talk to him, b/c that little boy would have really made mom's life heck, then. Oh, and he's plenty old enough to get the message whenever his bottom is smacked, contrary to what a lot of modern-age parents may believe. That's not MWD, that's Dr. Sandi.....
I know a lot of women who tell their kids to wait till their dad gets home, meaning that he'll deal with the discipline. I don't agree with that technique of parenting. In my case, I had to do all the discipline and I hated it. My H did not admit that until last year! But you know, it hurt our R back when the kids were growing up b/c I wanted him to step up and take some of that responsibility. I felt like I had to always be the bad guy while he just sat back being the good one. But I wanted my children to be good people and not some wild child that adults hate to see coming. So, separated or not.....it's better to have both parents on the same page about discipline and not just one of them doing it.
It is not about what you feel should work in your M. It is about doing the work that gets the right results. Do what works!
