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Journaling-----

I hate when I am plugging along, trying to make the most out of my day and suddenly I am hit with such anxiety and worry, like "What if he meets someone else?". Or "What if he doesn't love me anymore?"
And it fills me with terror.
But...

My first instinct would be to text him and ask for some kind of reassurance, which I have not done. I came here instead to write down my feelings instead.

That's a baby step, right?

DG...What if he does do both of those? Will it prevent you from living your life and being happy?

Definitely.

It starts by surpressing the desire.

Then the desires become fewer and further between.

We learn how to process these feeling, and move forward on our own.

Thier behavior and words start to affect us less and less.

Keep moving forward DG.

Right now, it would crush me. Kill me.
Eventually I would be ok, but it would take a long time.

I'm just so sad. I hate that this has become my life.

Me too.

I do notice that I'm happier after every time I go out and do something though. So step by step... gotta push yourself even when you don't feel like it.

I agree. I am going to go walking with a friend in a little bit and clear my head a bit.
I cried on the way home from work today, I am determined to not cry in front of my kids. I know I shouldn't be ashamed to cry in front of them, but I don't want to make them feel bad. I know my S10 would probably start crying also as he is very sensitive.

Journaling----

I have not heard from H at all since Tues evening when he asked if I was ok during the storm. No "I love you" or "I'm thinking about you" and that dcares me. I am trying not to make assumptions as to why he hasn't, it's just odd.
However, I'm not going to reach out to him.

I've been up since about 4 not feeling well, I think today is going to br be a long day.

I meant to say "scares me"

I read some of my first posts in this community and it has made me realize that some of my 180's are true 180's because I'm still doing them.
I said I was less angry, more grateful, and I still am. I'm proud of myself for that.

I realize also that I still obsess too much about my H and the state of our M and I really need to work on that.