Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Of Men or of Angels

You've known all of this for a while, this isn't anything new. There seems to be an awful lot of focus on her and what is lacking.



This is pure gold.




It sort of sounds like you're looking for that defining "I'm done" moment. It may never happen that way. Didn't for me.

It came with time. It came when I stop looking to label or define it and just lived life.

What is this "empty place" you speak of any way? Sh!t.... Where is this empty place? Why is it empty?

Would having your wife or another woman around make it "unempty?"

Wow, I see a lot of lumber.

Grit,

No I never said you made of steel.

My descriptive metaphor was saying you needed your anger to be strong enough to destroy your compassion and patience.

Grit,

Speaking for myself. I had a switch, a last straw. I know of others who had one as well. I'm pretty sure we all did/or do.

PRIOR to the car ride.

What was your switch? What happened to...prompt this? It doesn't have to be answered here, not looking for that.

True, sweetie, you know we are pushing you because we care about you.

Deciding to end your marriage and finding someone to fill a void should be two completely separate things.

One of the reasons is that you are still in love with your wife. You still have some unresolved issues there. Not a fair way to start a new relationship, ya know?

You still need to deal with some stuff - the anger, the sadness, the wanting.

You are a special man, T.

Take your time. Hash it out. Pray some, if you are so inclined.

We are here for you.

Hey Grit,

Empty spaces have to be filled from the inside out. Took me what seemed like a really long time to figure that out. Ok, never said I was a quick study

HUGS

True,

I value your judgement and honor your decisions. It just appears that you have been having a battle within yourself for the last week or so.

I understand everything you are saying completely. I still love my XH. Right now, he is a worthless POS. To me, his family, everything that he once held dear. At some point you have to ask yourself, "What more can I take?"

I have those empty spaces Grace talks about. I know to wait for those spaces to be filled as they should be rather than try to cram something into them just to fill them up. So do you.

You are hurting, and we are all hurting for you. Setting your boundary the way you did is not wrong, but perhaps not entirely right. Who can say?

My husband walked out on me and our dreams 14 months and 10 days ago. Today I got the settlement of 20 years of work and sweat and dreams. 20 years, or in your case, 17 years, is not much when reduced down to This is Yours and This is Mine.

No one here doubts your honor. When you truly, TRULY are at the end of your rope, you know without a doubt. I did, even though, as I said, I still love the jerk, that I had to get out of the way for both his sake and my own.

You follow your heart AND your instincts. Be TRUE to yourself. The rest is just spillage. Sad, but true.

Lova ya,

Becca

Pun your words brought me to (over flowing emotion:tears) and it means a f@cking bunch to me!

Too heavy stuff?

God this stuff is hitting me hard. I am a logical guy as you have gathered. I am in awe of the wisdom and compassion of the people coming to me here.

And I do NEED it. It brings me to tears for the capacity of humanity exhibited every day here and from people of such diversity as is represented on our board. ( I realy mean PEI and Eric a tutu wearin' boy)

If I was in the Breakfast Club I would be the jock that had his life handed to him on a silver platter.

I have never embraced my fortune. I have always felt undeserving of it. Now I am at the bottom of what I would never have imagined.

But it is not ME.

I am brought to my humblest before you all…

…for the postings of my friends. My most valued friends,

I tell you this:

never in my life have I been touched more deeply than what I have experienced here with you wonderful people.

Fluffy bunny index: Did not run this a.m.

BUT

FBI = 0

Sorry if you are the bunny sign,

You're f@cked.

(HUGS) buddy!

Tad

Even though I have not been doing this for as long as you Gritter, this is what I am struggling with as well.

I was unable to put it into words, but you have done so very well (as usual).

Denver

True, your words have helped many on here. You are respected and cared about. And when we see one of us struggling, we come to help.

Sometimes when we are find ourselves lost a bit, we try to force movement one way or another. often without realizing it.

Here's the thing. You love your wife. You are human. We detach to protect ourselves, to help us move forward, but, at the core of it all, we still care deeply. And sometimes, it is difficult to see past that.

You can choose to move in another direction. No one would fault you that.

I just think that when you still have such raw emotions, it might not be what is best for you at this time.

I do believe, though, that you can find peace.

There is peace that comes from accepting where you wife is at now and in letting her go and wishing her happiness.

There is peace that comes from knowing you have done all you could.

There is peace that comes from knowing that you've worked to become the person you are now.

True, other people should not determine our happiness or fill any void we may feel. That comes from within. It comes from living a good life.

So, finish your business with your feelings before you make the decision to move on.

Knowing who you are and what you believe, it is what you need to do, I think.

TG.

I have been following along and reading some very sage advice from the Vets. I have also been wincing at some of the lumber you have been taking as a result of this. As you know, I am relatively new at this so Im not going to pretend to offer you any better advice that what you have already received.

ONE thing stays with me when I am ready to give up hope and call it a marriage.

There were two people in my life that I cared for and each of them broke up with me, ONe when I was in my teens, my first love.
30 years later she still professes that i was her true love and she wished she never ended it.

Another girl I was almost engaged with in University also broke up with me after one and half years together. She called me three years later and wanted to get back and the when I saw her 5 years after that, she still told me she had regrets.

Here is my point. I dont think you can ever REALLY know when its over as we are dynamic creatures. I mean, if there is ABUSE where you are in danger, yes it is healthy to pull the plug.

But while your wife is engulfed in this MLC. Do you think that maybe when she comes out of this, She will regret this and there may not be a chance for the do over. I have followed your posts religiously and see you as a man full of wisdom and kindness.

I dont want to see you make an error that may haunt you for the rest of your life. The trouble is , how long do you wait for someone to come out of the fog and maybe they never do.

Im just guessing that you wanted to bait her a little by hanging on to her being late as this unforgiveable act. ONe that was disrespecting you so much. I dont know why you would want to have that perception of you as being so petty in her eyes. Remember, she is not seeing things from a logical standpoint so dont come down to her level. She doesnt see her tardiness as anything but , I couldnt help being because ( fill in excuse here) That is not the issue here for her. The issue is that you couldn't accept that flaw and you became the A$$, not her.

Again TG, I feel a little intimidated trying to give you advice but I do value your opinion and truly appreciate all the words of wisdom you have provided.

If even one thing I said strikes a chord, well then I feel that i have given back something to you.

All the best.

9