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True,

All you did was push her buttons. You know which ones to push to get Response A or Response B. I've driven my X crazy because I've refused to give him the response he is reaching for. Did you give her the response she was reaching for? Maybe you both did, but then, that's life. Maybe you were fishing for signs of change, but expected none, and got what you expected.

In back of the anger, you were smiling to yourself saying, Yep, same old same old.

I'm not busting your chops. I'm still jealous. I'd give a lot to get to do what you did.

You did get your answer though, dincha? As Brooklyn says, she ain't no where near cooked yet.

Brooklyn asks^^^^ "whatcha gonna do now". True, I think you know. ((HUGS))

Bro


This is what I saw yesterday when I first read your post. In short you…..

....Did this ^^^^

I guess my question to you would be WHY? Don’t answer me….just think about it.


I suspect you knew it WOULD….I wonder though, if deep down inside YOU WANTED it to go horrible. IF indeed you did, then WHY? Did you need to see her in all of her MLC glory to HELP YOU decide what YOU want to do with YOUR life? Did you need to see it to help you say to yourself YOUR DONE? IF so, why?


AND why could you NOT accept it? Maybe ya didn't want to.


Did you go….EXPECTING IT TO HAPPEN and therefore, went in ready for a brawl?


Why draw this boundary? I mean really being late is disrespectful? Honestly?


Do you think maybe she had a little bit of a point? I am not defending her…simply looking at it from an outsiders perspective.


WOULD SHE have responded this way had YOU not made…rather drawn, the late boundary?


At this point, I would have STFU…I mean really…what did you think would happen by continuing on with any conversation?


Piss off a lion and it responds….touch a hot stove and ya get burned. Sometime I think we want to get burned. It helps to remind us just how f'd up our spouse are. What I have come to realize is the real reason we still do it. I know why I have done it in the past. Do you know why you touched the stove?


Why engage in an hour convo? Once again, did you need to hear and see it? Did you need this to help you be done?


IF you know that she is always LATE…and SHE KNOWS you KNOW….WHY set the boundary?






This is HER PERCEPTION RIGHT NOW! And maybe forever…ya just don’t know. Either way, the only way you MAY ever be able to change HER PERCEPTION is by YOUR actions NOT BY…..



This ^^^^^ - It was almost like (and I have done the same)...we stand on our soap box and TELL them everything THEY did was wrong. When they tell us...we say we changed. Think about it...


Think about this for a sec….WHY continue to REMIND her of HER ACTIONS? Why? Turn it around for a second….is it okay that she continues to remind YOU of YOUR past actions?

For the record I think that sometime things NEED to be said…but IMO, they should be said when EMOTIONS are not so high. They should be said….for the person SAYING them….NOT with a hope or expectation that the other person will be able to SEE it. You know this bud. I know you do.


And she may never….doesn’t matter right now though…does it?


Yep…and maybe for a long long time….either way…you know the drill….it should not change how you live YOUR life OR HOW YOU REACT and/or RESPOND TO HER.


Her Anger speaking and MLC craziness speaking…at least IMO. WHY?


Cause she said this ^^^^ if she really hated you’re a**, really wanted nothing to do with you….then why would you say this? Step away from the anger and frustration for a sec…think about it.


Better a spike than……


Then don’t BUT at the same time….do not set her up to FAIL.


You respect yourself that is all that matters. Is it not.


I wouldn’t be either…at least right now and no one knows what the future holds.


Some wise man once told me….when your done….ya don’t say it..No need to, cause really it does not matter what anyone else thinks….


Then don’t.


A**hole and sore in the same sentence….what did you do last night?

Dude, you’re one of the Bro’s I love on this board and I hope I did not piss you off….but I did see some thing that I wanted to point out. I did so, cause I care….I know you’d do the same for me.

Think about what I said…the stuff that maybe off base, disregard…and if anything stung…well….

To me, you want her ACTIONS and WORDS to HELP YOU be done. Just my opinion. I have been there and sometime I can still go back there.

Oh...and are you going to come to my party? If so, you know how to reach me...

Love ya man,
Eric

Well, you certainly got the outcome you worked toward.

　
How much different is that, compared to what she did ?


You manipulated the situation to get the end result you worked toward, the same as she has done to you.


Did she know she was crossing a boundary ?


It seems you pushed back just hard enough to let her become someone easy to walk away from.


If you have to "think" that you are done, you aren't....

　
Is it any easier to say you are done now ?


No regrets Grit......

Grit,

What's in an orange?

Orange juice.

That's not really shocking brother. That's a no brainer.

Now if I squeezed an orange and apple juice came out?

Then I'd be WTF?


IF what you're saying is your W was always like this...always she was this ugly creature when you first met her? Well, the MLCers aren't the only ones with revisionist tendancies. BUT if that is no the case and she was truly like this? Now you have an answer.

Something that has been bugging me...

She is the one calling "Truce"

I find that interesting.

Becuase,

It is (From my point of view and experience) usually the more level headed person (at the moment) who calls it. For me, it was usually me.

No it's not. Nothing about this OK for me right now.



Or the one that is the truth?

That she is still very much the victim of this. Still very self absorbed. And incapable of talking about our R or M or how to fix it.

I know what you are saying. Could I have deflected what happened and it might have gone differently?

Absolutely. Sitting there waiting for her it ocurred to me that it was very much like what I have been doing for the past year and a half.

By my own choice mind you so I am not blaming her but at some point she has to start taking responsibility. At some point she has to know what is no longer acceptable to me.

At some point she needs to hear where I am and what I want.

Well that was yesterday. If I was trying to avoid the mess I know how to do that guys. I do and you know I do.

I DIDN"T WANT TO.

It was not the day for that. I knew exactly what I was risking. Poking the Tiger.



I am not saying that Jack. What I meant by the analogy was when you apply pressure you get what is inside.

The little child who is being victimized by the bully.



Or when you know you are backed into a corner and there is no logical escape.

Which is where I put her when she argued I was the catalyst for all her choices.

I see your point though.



Or the other way around?

I already know how she has this all sorted out. Yesterday was just hitting the replay button.

I didn't need to see her in her MLC glory. I have seen her much worse. Try coming home to your W with her face swollen and bruised because she just got out of jail for assault and battery.

Yesterday was nothing compared to that gut punch.

Brutal honesty?

That is where I am today. I accept it.

I also know that I cannot linger on the sidelines anymore.

I have to put myself back in the game.

If I have to say I am done then I am not done?

Well I think I am just going to have to fake it until I make it because my life without this is ahead of me and that is where I am going.

Thank you guys. Really thank you. I know you are challenging me to look at all of this to make sure I have no regrets.

I regret that one day she will wake up and see what her life might have been.

Maybe if she believes I am the a$$hole she thinks I am it will be easier for her.

So maybe I did get what I wanted yesterday.

I think when I came to the realization that I was no longer concerned with the outcome of this. When I could accept whatever happened. Put it all at risk...

THAT is when you know you won't have regrets.

That may be the very definition of knowing when we are done. When we just don't care anymore. IMO, there is nothing wrong with that.

Easy there Chief...

Nobody is tryin to steal the last lollipop out of your Easter basket...

Maybe you can accept either outcome, and maybe this really is your decision...

You just seem to be using a lot of fuel coming out of the gate...

It's hard to come up on plane right from the Dock...

Most of the time, one has to go through a "No Wake Zone" first....




When one can walk away with the same emotion expelled, as walking to the mailbox...

That is when you know.....

It is not as much a decision, as it is a way of life...


I doubt that Grit doesn't care...quite the opposite I would imagine...

It's because it has been given to a higher power to deal with.


It's not that I don't still love and care what happens to my Ex..

It's because I loved her enough to allow her to live HER choices, and find HER happiness...

If I did not admit that love, then I would be no different than what she has become.

My words would hold no more truth than her words..

My lies would be just as existent as her lies have been..




Grit....I want you to be sure, that'a all....


Regret is a hard monster to live with.....

It is pretty simple really. It is like Bugs Bunny and the High Dive Act.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=T_BdpFlbfkw

I am Yosemite Sam and W is Bugs Bunny.

I keep climbing the ladder and end up getting tricked into jumping.

This last time?

I had her tied to the plank and I got my saw out...

<<<<<<<<Sound of sawing>>>>>>>>>

Grit: I paid to see a jump and I'm gonna see one! This time you're a jumping! Either you're a jumping or Ima gonna blast ya!

<<<<<<<<Whistling sound .........>>>>>>>

Grit falls through hole in the stage.

All of the this defies the laws of gravity of course but she never studied gravity. So they don't apply.

Yes the MLC O Meter is still in the red zone.

I know.

It doesn't make it any easier until you just quit climbing the ladder.

I think I have to post a sign on the ladder for myself:

"Grit DO NOT put one foot on this ladder unless you want to get wet again."

Oh ok I remember now.

The MLC force is strong with this one. I know that she needs some serious therapy before we can have any conversation. She would argue the sky isn't blue because she is on a different f@cking planet right now.

I keep opening the closet door where all the demons are stored and I'm surprised that she is not running to thank me:

Thank you for reminding me how f@cked up I am.

And uh, thank you for reminding me how f@cked up you are because I forgot.

I get it guys.

Mach I am just coming away from the dock?

If that's the case I hope my cooler is full of beer!

Are those beers Corona's by chance???

Can I come along??....

Hey Grit,
Not much to add here, just know I am thinkin about you bro.

Happy Little Friday!!!

Cheers

~C

My brother from another mother….


^^^^ was the only reason I posted to you. Oh…and I know you would have done the same for me.


Probably the case. Like most people (I will not say just MLCers)…we often need to blame someone else for OUR choices and/or our mistakes. It helps us to avoid looking at the root cause/issues that lie within ourselves.

I want the best for YOU Bro…whatever that is.

Let me know if, what and how I can help.

Just know this…I’ve got your back!

God Bless,
Eric