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The kids will be spending their first night with her tonight. They were their last night for a few hours and she brought them home. She is pressuring me to let them spend the night on weekdays. She leaves her apt a 5am and wants to lock them in until they wake up and then I can come get them. Well at this point, she left them, and this is their home, and right now its all about the kids and what is best for them. My s8 wakes up early in the summer and loves to be outside. If he is there, he has to go outside in a parking lot with people that he nor I know. When he is home, its a private neighborhood, with friendly neighbors that keep an eye out. The police patrol the area all day. If he wants to go outside here, I am home with him. My job allows me to leave later in the morning. It is also not fair to my two older kids to have to wake up early on summer break to keep an eye on him. At this point, it is about their safety. My D14 looks like a 21 year woman. People pay attention in apt complexes. They see her take three kids up there at night, and see her leave at 5am. I am not going to give in on this issue. On week nights she can keep them until 9:30 and then bring them home or I will go pick them up. On weekends they can spend the whole night as she will be there with them.

I will continue to work on myself and keep my kids hearts in mind. I will not allow her to argue in front of them, and work hard to protect them.

Before she left, she asked about why I was showering everynight before getting in the bed. In the past, I would fall asleep in chair or not shower everynght. For the past two months, I have been showering everynight and sleeping in the bed. Something she always complained about. I have also lost 30 pounds, she made a comment the day she walked out, that I looked good, and didnt need to loose any more weight.


When she dropped the kids off last night, I was standing on front porch smoking, with no shirt on, with a pair of jeans on that were unbuttoned. I couldnt help but notice the way she was looking at me.

Tonight is a big night for her, having the kids stay over for the first time. But she will now have to think about what I am doing while I dont have them. Its funny, as long as I have them she knows I can GAL, that why she hasnt been pushing real hard to have them.

After her rant on the phone yesterday, I advised her that what is happening now is reality. And everything stems from her decision she made on Saturday to leave. I didnt ask her to leave nor did I force her. She will soon realize that the fog and fairytale was just that. I have god guidance, I have you guys, and three wonderful children to pull me through.

At this point, I will detach completly, not answer the phone when she calls. I told her yesterday, that I didnt want to talk to her unless it pertained to the kids, and I did not want to see her unless it was in transition of kids.

She is definately seeing life for the decisions she made. I will leave it up to GOD and his way. I pray to God everyday to bring her to him, and then bring her to me. Without her going to GOD first, she will not come back to me.

Thanks again to all of you for your support.

Well, I thought I would handle this harder than I am without my kids being here. I realize that after the drama and emotional rollercoaster for the past two months, that I need a break. I also know that they need to be with her for many reasons. And I want them to be. I feel that I have left it all on the table at this point did everything I could to keep her from leaving and I have no guilt at this point. She will soon realize who the better man is, and hopefuly for me I will be over it all when she does. She is not good for me, and I am slowly figuring that out. If she does decide to come back it will only be through god, and only that way. I am a good man, husband and father and I damn sure deserve better at this point. Her Loss, for sure. Have a good night.

it has been two weeks today since she walked out. She has called crying and screaming and blaming me 10 of the 14 days she has been gone. She is accusing me of keeping the kids from her. I have bending over backwards trying to accomodate her with them. She is not willing to give me or them a time line of her getting them. She waits until the last minute to call and say she wants them. She told me yesterday that she feels she is about to have a nervous breakdown. She was yelling and crying so hard that I could not understand what she was saying. I dont understand what is going on, she was confident when she left, but since she did, its been nothing but crazy, eratic behavior. She was off yesterday, I didnt know that, she told the kids she was and if they wanted to hang out to call her. Well come 1 oclock in the day she finally called freaking out, that I should have called her to come get the kids. I asked the kids if they had heard from her around 10:30 that morning to see if she wanted to spend time with them, and they said no. My youngest wanted to go fishing, and I felt it was not my fault or theirs why this is happening, nor should we put our lives on hold. So we went fishing, and then the fireworks started. She called my d14 and yelled at her, my d14 told her that we didnt hear from her,and to stop yelling at her. My d14 hung up on her, and started crying saying that mom acts like all of this if my fault. I reassured her that it wasnt and mom loves her and she is just going through some things right now. When I talked to w she told me that she would break d14's phone if she ever hung up on her again. I told her that the kids can hear her screaming through the phone and that I would call her back later, and she screamed that she didnt care if they could hear her, so I hung up the phone. She called back like 6 times and I didnt answer until kids were out of my truck at the beach. I told w that kids were upset and she advised she didnt care and they need to cry. She said they dont care about her, and then said the me and kids dont miss her, and dont care about her. I told her this was all due to the decision she made two weeks ago to walk out and they just needed time to adjust to it. Again she said she didnt care. I told her that she was their mother and if she wanted to spend time with them, then she needed to call their cell phones and let them know. I will not be the middle man for her, as I think the only reason she is doing this is to take my tempature. I have been detached from her two weeks before she moved out and have been GALing. The OM has still yet to leave his wife as I thought would never hapen anyway. I think at this point reality is starting to kick in. I will do my very best to continue to detach, and make sure I look out for the best interest of my kids. I love them ,and I will not let her or anyone else hurt their hearts or minds. I miss my w, and I know that she will have to go to god before she can be better. I truly think at this point, it will not get any easier, as it seems she is really heading for a total breakdown. The fairytale cannot be going as planned if she if doing all of this at this point into the WAW.
God bless you all.

I have my final phone call with Lori this morning, with DBing coach. I hope she has a long term approach for me. I think I have been doing the right things so far. Since things have been somewhat quiet the past couple days, I have started to miss my w. I think for the past two months I have been so concerned with all of her emotions and my kids emotions, that I have given much thought to how I feel. I do miss her, but I know that I cant have her back in my life right now, not the way she is now. If she would come back now without any work on herself, she would just leave again. I know that, and I know I have continue to GAL, and act like my life is moving forward, which the more I look at it, it is in fact moving on.
I feel for her, I hate she is going through this, especially without taking her medication. The kids have no interest in going to her place. I have been trying my hardest to keep her in their lives, but she will have to do more.

Had a very good conv with DB coach Lori, I told all the things that had happened as far as her moving out and telling the kids. I told her how I had handled all of it, by helping her move and being there for my kids. I also advised her of how my Dbing has been going, and the use of the last resort tech. I said how, I have been acting around her and the detachment from her. She told me that I have been doing everything exactly the right way. She said she was so very proud of me and that, I shold continue to do what I have been doing, as I have been getting some small feedback from w.
Yesterday was a tough day for me emotionally, my s12 had a school baseball game last night and she was there also. I acted like I was GALing and she was trying to do the same. But I could tell she was overdoing it. Her cousin called me yesterday before the game and told me that w was having a very hard time, and felt she was on the verge of a breakdown. She told me that w told her that it seemed I was better and was getting on with my life without her. She said all the commments that w made to her about me were good ones. I dont think at this point my w is thinking about coming home, because she just moved out 2 weeks ago and she afraid of what others will say, especially her mother. I do think she feels she has made a mistake, but like Lori, my DB coach said; it too soon for my w, and she needs to feel more remorse and take more responsibilty for her actions. My biggest problem is patience, and I tend to read to much into the little things. I know for the benefit of my kids and myself, I will have to continue to let GOD handle this. It is in fact too soon for any major movement, but from what actions my w has been doing in the 2 weeks since she has been gone proves that at the least she is thinking about it. I know no OM will provide or give her the sense of family, or no OM will love her the way I do. I will continue on my journey for now, like my good friend told me yesterday, this is her fight, not mine. I have already fought the battle and my w knows how I feel about her, and knows what I bring to this marriage and family. My prays remain the same, bring her to you god, if she is to come back to me.
Have a good day all.

dbmod, I dont think I am posting correctly. I have made many post and doesnt seem anyone is getting involved on my post. It is ok as it is just as good for me to express it on here and get it out of my system. Can you look at my other post, or should I have been posting to this thread?
thanks

This is the third night out of 18 nights since she moved out that the kids have spent the night with her. They dont ask much about her when they are home with me. They dont ask to go visit or when mom is coming to get them. If it wouldnt be for her calling them at night they wouldnt talk to her. Since her last explosion of emotions over the phone to me this past friday, she hasnt called anymore with that type of behavior since then. Saturday night she came to the ball field to watch S12 baseball game and I am his coach. She had been drinking at her cousins house most of the day. She walked up to me and asked what time the game started and then wiped a bug off my shirt and then rub my chest a couple times to make sure it was gone. I backed away from her and said it would start in 15 minutes. She sat on bleachers by herself waiting for game to start, with a sad look on her face. After game she left after telling kids goodnight and I looked at her while she drove away and she was crying again. Monday night she came to S12 school ball game, I dont coach him there, so we were both fans. She was working hard to make me think she was happy and I could see right through it as the things she was saying were so very much Bullcrap. I was in a good mood, but not over doing it, just acting as I normally do at one of his games.

I think at this point she realized that the crying and screaming at me is not working, as I never give in or react the way she wants me to. I think at this point she is going dark on me trying to get me to show an emotion. So far I havent, I have been dark now for over 3 weeks and when I see her, I am polite but do not sit by her, or initiate any conversations. I tell her bye when she leaves and that about it. It seems fairy tale of OM is in the gutter at this point. I think she is realizes that he was only looking for an affair and he is backing away from her.

She cant at this point tell me she made a mistake as she has already moved out and leased the apartment. She also make it very clear to me when she left that she was not leaving me for OM. A lot of people in my community know she left again, and she cant at this point try to walk back as they will be talking about her again leaving and returning.

I have decided that she is not what I need at this point, and everyday for me is a better day. It was a blessing for me to go through this ten years ago with her, as now I was prepared for the outcome that I could move on with my life.

As a good friend of mine told me today, what would she have to offer you if she walked back in the door today?

The same negative attitude, the same no love to me and the kids, the same staying out late and me waiting up for her only to return home drunk. I am a better man than that, I love to love, I love to care, and I love myself and my kids to much to go back through that all over again.

While she was at cousins house on saturday, her cousing told me yesterday, that she talked about me all day, in a good way. She told her that I seemed to be happy and acting weird like I was moving on with my life. And guess what I am. I have fought the fight with W. this is her battle now, if me and kids are worth having then she needs to fight for us. She knows how much I love her, she knows how much I have changed, and she knows no other man will put up with her attitude and non emotion like I do. She will have to continue her journey with GOD as her copilot. I wish her the best, and I know with God and my kids, I will always be the better man. I know it, God knows it, my kids know it and she knows it. Good night all and I will continue to pray for you all.

take/2, if the post is pertaining to your sitch, it is best to keep it in one thread. I did notice that I haven't seen much of your thread until yesterday. Not sure what is going on as i jump on the board a handful of times each day and it hasn't been on the first page.

It seems that the OM has moved away from her, kind of make sense to the way she has been acting, with the crying and screaming and blame game. The past few days she has stopped doing it and seems she is trying to go dark on me. I have been told by some of her friends that she has been out in the bar rooms during the weekend, and sloppy drunk. I have been sticking to my guns and staying detached and dark at this point. I do second guess at times if I should have made her move out two weeks before she wanted to. But like I said before, she already had the apartment and had already moved stuff into it. I will have to stop with the Facebook thing though as that sets me back. I noticed last night that she had made friends with a guy that no doubt she met in the bar room. I know she will never find anyone to replace me, in those type of places. I think since the OM didnt work out, she is trying to find someone new, to keep her busy. She told me that she was not leaving me for OM, but I think she is at a point where she is trying to convince herself of that. To come back to me after only being gone for almost three weeks would show her weakness. It would also make family and friends question what she is doing.

I guess in my mind I am wondering if the OM thing didnt work for her, why hasnt she called me to work things out with me. That may be a dumb thing to wonder as I know I dont need her back right now. Should I stay detached and dark still, or what? If I go to her now and check her temp, she will only know that I am still holding on. If she knows that I am and our kids are worth fighting for, I would think she would do what it takes to get it back. I know she misses me and the family as she has made comments to her cousin about it.

I wonder with me knowing about OM, if that is keeping her away. Because she is ashamed of what she did. I dont talk about him, nor do I really talk to her much about anything, except for kids. I have stop answering the phone, when she calls and force her to call on of the kids phone. I just wondering if she is hurting and has changed her mind, will she be the one to prove that, and I know I should let her. If we are worth it to her, shouldnt she be the one to make the first move to reconcile our marriage.

I think, like Lori the DB coach said, she needs more time to see what is not out there for her. She without a doubt will get tired of the bar scene. She told her cousin that most nights she has been out, that she doesnt remember driving home. I am concerned for her well being, but I know I cant show that to her. I feel she is waiting for me to come to her and express my feelings and let her know I want her home. But if she comes back now, I dont feel anything would be different. I want her back but only if she does and stays forever. If I truly love my kids like I know I do, how can I take a risk of puttting them through this heartache again.

Is it not her fight now? Do I continue on my path of detachment and darkness and let her come to me. I hate this limbo thing. Is she just trying to fill a void by going out and drinking and trying ot meet a new man. Again, I have showed her how much I love her, she knows with me comes back her family. She knows I have made some changes in my life.

I would love for someone on this site that has some insite to lend a comment.

She did tell her cousin that she is back on her new medication again.

The weekends are tough for me, as I think about her a lot and miss her a bunch. I miss spending time with the family on the weekdends. I also think about her being out in the bar rooms and someone taking advantage of her. As I know when she gets really drunk she never remembers what happened the night before. I dont want anything bad to happen to her, and I know that God is doing what he needs to do in order to get her where she needs to be. I have to continue with my patience. When I picked up the kids from her on Tuesday night I was on the phone witha friend and she saw me on the phone. Silly things pop into my head, thinking if she thinks I am involved with someone else, then she wont fight to come back home. But it may also put it in her mind that she is taking a chance of losing me forever. I have never been very good at playing the game, but I hope at this point that I am winning it. I think in order to get her back or to move on with my life I will have to continue to as "as if" and detach. It is the only way for me to get through this.

I do want her back, but I dont know if what I have been doing over the past three weeks will make this a succesful journey. I guess I will continue to let god have it and pray for the future.

This Saturday makes three weeks since she moved out. I will have to give it more time. Patience!!!!

She will need to fall completly in order to realize what she lost.