. Is it bc your W is moving out in three days and you so badly want her to stay??
Yes, it is bc my W is moving out. But it stops there. I will have less opportunity to get this off my chest after she moves out. I don't think it will change anything right now on her wanting to stay or not. There is a risk it may be construed that way.
Originally Posted By: islander
And, do you think your W would change her mind about moving, your M, bc you tell her these things.
No, I don't think my W would change her mind about moving. It's possible she may rethink some things with our M, but this would take place over time.
Part of the reason is she so h3ll-bent on D, and I don't think there's much question these are things she has been harboring for several years. I am not sure which man she wants to D - whether it's man of today or one from the past.
No convo on this tonight. By the time I got to the point where I would bring it up, it was late and we were both tired. Had I brought it up, it would've been a disaster. It's really a communication exercise and a 180 for me. It doesn't have to happen before she moves, and it may not happen at all, at least in this way.
I talked to a buddy of mine this morning. He's been by my side through this whole thing. He seems to think we are still on the right track on what needs to happen. He gave a pretty good analogy to my current sitch: it's like you're in a airplane. You are in a nosedive. All you see is the ground coming up at you. You are in the co-pilot's seat. You want nothing else but to grab the controls. You have the pilot telling you, 'Hands off the controls!! We're right on track!!". You know he's right, but nothing you see is telling you that.
My W was doing some serious packing last night. We were able to get together about where my S will be for the next two weeks. She has another job interview today, though she may start her new job as early as tomorrow. I feel like I'm doing OK with whole move thing right now. I don't know why. I think I am still holding out hope that she'll be able to get her mental house in order and will eventually come back. So maybe it's denial. Maybe it's realism.
Got on the scale again this morning. I am up to 21 lbs. lost this year. I'm feeling pretty good. I think I'd like to lose about 8-10 more, and that's it - or it will be too much.
For Mother's Day, my W suggested going to church together (she hasn't been to church with me since Feb.) and then going out to lunch together with my S. Then she suggested we ride together for about 40 minutes and I drop her off to see her Mom and I go and see my Mom and pick her up on way back. I accepted, but I wasn't overly eager. This whole thing makes absolutely no sense sometimes.
I get home tonight after hanging out with my church community group and sit and talk with my W for about an hour. Most of the time I listened to stuff about a job interview. She is pretty excited about the job. My S ended up having a hard time regarding her moving on Saturday. She did mention she was supposed to get some paperwork back from the L by last Friday. However, most of the convo was very nice and very easy. So we have these kind of conversations and she is still so determined to get a D? What is up with that???
I am off work today. I was hoping to get some rest before I didn't get any sleep at the Cub Scout camp out tonight. I didn't sleep well, though. Went to bed too late. I am going to dial-up a 26 mi. bike ride shortly, or least try it. I may take a nap this afternoon
I had DB coaching session this morning. I am getting prepared for her moving out. At least at this time, going dark is not in order. However, not pursuing is definitely in order. Any time I respond to phone calls, I should make sure I am feeling positive and upbeat. If I am not, I should wait to respond.
She is still wanting me to help move in the afternoon tomorrow. I think I am in a position where I can do it emotionally. My DB coach agreed. It will show her I care and it's a loving thing to do in a bizarre sort of way. It's a big stinkin' 180 for me. Her previous big hurts she mentioned revolved around abandonment and nonchalance.
I am just in a really weird place emotionally. I don't know why it's not bothering more than it is. This DB'ing stuff has made me a lot stronger. Don't get me wrong. It is not going to be easy. I think I am just feeling in my gut that she needs to experience this space to get this cr4p out of her head.
She wants my help. I did not explicitly offer. I'd get big 'ol pursuing penalty flag if I had forced myself on her.
