Divorcebusting.com  |  Contact      
Previous Thread
Next Thread
Print Thread
Page 3 of 13 1 2 3 4 5 12 13
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,698
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,698
Country

That is a shock. I am affected reading your post and I don't even know you.

My sympathy for you and your family.

Try to be strong for her. She may need you.

No expectations.... and none of what you want and post here.

All for her...as best you can.


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
Sorry to hear that. IMHO, you should go there for her. This is the time she needs a strong person with her.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 130
N
Member
Offline
Member
N
Joined: Apr 2011
Posts: 130
Country, so sorry to hear about all this.

I agree with gritter, stay strong for her and for you.

Keep your head up man.


BITS
M: 35
W: 27
T 7.5 years
M 5 years
No kids
My EA: 3/08
Her EA: 1/11, discovered 3/11 (ongoing?)
ILYBINILY, D mentioned 3/8/11
W at parents house: 4/16/11

Do or do not, there is no try
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
M
Member
Offline
Member
M
Joined: Jun 2008
Posts: 12,602
I just wanted to add that this is not pursuing. You knew this man too. I think it's only fitting that you pay your respects to honor him.


M-43 W-40
2D - 9 and 5

Emotion, yet peace.
Ignorance, yet knowledge.
Passion, yet serenity.
Chaos, yet harmony.
Death, yet a new life.

RECONCILED AND WISER
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 583
I
Member
Offline
Member
I
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 583
Sorry Country. I prayed for you guys tonight. Be there for her and her family, not your M. I really feel for you guys right now. God has a plan, and it is not for us to understand


BITS

M:34 W:28
SD:9
D:6 (pr)
M:3 T:6
Separated 1/16/11
ILYBNILWY 10/25/10
PA discovered 11/12/10, began about 10/1/10

I am not who I was, I am being remade, I am new...
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,905
&
Member
OP Offline
Member
&
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,905
W just called. Everything just sounds so chaotic right now. Everyone is in shock.

All she wants from me right now is to take care of D.

The sad reality is my presence there would only add stress to the situation.

If she asks, I'm there in a second. But I can't impose myself if it is not wanted.

W is the one trying to be strong for everyone, but she broke down again with me. All I want to do is hold her in my arms and take care of her. But that is not what she wants. I'm no longer that guy in her eyes.


BITS

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,698
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,698
Originally Posted By: Country
But that is not what she wants. I'm no longer that guy in her eyes.


Country this ain't the time for that sh!t.

Sorry.

She doesn't want to lean on you because you will think something different is going on.

How can you make her feel that isn't the case?

Even if that not is what you feel?

You are posting so I assume you want advice?

This is not the time to make connections with your W IMO. She is highly emotional and just remember that can swing at any moment.

Just be the man she can count on and expect nothing.

How you communicate that is through actions and words when appropriate.

She is expecting you to take advantage of her vulnerability now so she will or will not let you in becasue of it.

No games here my friend. Just be there.

my two shiny pennies.


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,656
L
Member
Offline
Member
L
Joined: Jan 2011
Posts: 1,656
Country, I'm sorry about the loss of your FIL. I can't imagine what you are going through.

TG just gave you some great advice given these circumstances. No games, just be there and stay strong. Hang in there brother.


Me:45 ExW:48
M:04/97
3 Bombs & 2 ReCons
1st BD 11/10
D Finalized 4/20
D-16 S-14
Going in one more round when you don't think you can. That's what makes all the difference in life.~Rocky Balboa
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,905
&
Member
OP Offline
Member
&
Joined: Feb 2011
Posts: 1,905
Thanks TG.

I know.

Quote:
She is expecting you to take advantage of her vulnerability now so she will or will not let you in becasue of it.


This is so sad, but I think is so true.

It makes me feel helpless.

It just hasn't been that long. A few months ago I was her H. I still feel like her H. I still am.

But I can't be that right now.

I need to be a true friend right now. It's really all I am trying to do.

Quote:
How can you make her feel that isn't the case?


This is what I'd like the answer to...


BITS

Happiness is not something ready made. It comes from your own actions.
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,698
T
Member
Offline
Member
T
Joined: Feb 2010
Posts: 2,698
You can do it man...

I have seen you here, what you say and how you guide people and I know you can do it.

My prayers go out to you.

Take a moment and stand in your own skin. That skin you have forged here...

And step on.

People around you need THAT man right now.


My goal is to some day be the person my dog thinks I am
Page 3 of 13 1 2 3 4 5 12 13

Moderated by  Cadet, DnJ, job, Michele Weiner-Davis 

Link Copied to Clipboard
Michele Weiner-Davis Training Corp. 1996-2025. All rights reserved.
Powered by UBB.threads™ PHP Forum Software 7.7.5