Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Of Men or of Angels

True,

A poetic, Socrates, CPA??? You are so hired.

My tutu wearing Bro....

I wanted to stop in and just give you my perspective on chit.

1) You know why you responded the way you did.
2) Your response was from your heart.
3) You understand that everything...and I mean everything is your choice.
4) Your still a little hurt bud.
5) You stood your ground and one can only do this after......

You know this Grit....this is YOUR life. A life that is lived and learned. If ya feel you could have done something better - fine - do it better next time.

Lova ya man!

Eric

Wow,
The Moose Hunter and the Tutu Wearing Rican awaken!!!

Must be Little Friday

Grit,

We have walked the miles together, and while I have formally ended a marriage that was over probably 2 years ago, it does not mean that I am further along or have some knowledge or feeling that you have not yet become enlightened to.

I don’t want to push you to a decision that you are not ready to make, and I know you too well to think that what I might say here would have any affect one way or the other but I wanted to get my disclaimer out there.

(so if you could print this post, sign and date it and mail it to me, I will keep it as a “Liability Wavier”…. LOL )

I don’t see you in limbo…….in fact I see that you are out of limbo and looking around at the new ground you are standing on.

I do see you struggling to match your actions (meaning to file for Divorce) with how you say you are feeling ( you are done ).

It is like you are standing on the edge of the cliff threatening to jump and you keep looking back at your W to see if she is watching.

I’m going to jump…..really.

I mean it, …..are you ready, I’m going to jump.

I really mean it, I told you, you can’t say I didn’t tell you……..

Okay, I’m going to do this, unless you say something, I going to jump.

I mean I can come back and work on the marriage too but that is your decision….

I am really ready to jump, I just wanted to make sure you know that I am ready.

Okay before I jump I just want to go over how we got here…..then I will jump....

Unless you wake up and stop me……

I mean if you stopped me I would not be unhappy.

But I am ready, I mean it………..

I am not in the business of swinging 2X4’s at my good friends but they would not be my good friends if we did not exchange some wood products every now and then.

I am not telling you to shat or get off the pot, just pointing out what it looks like from out here. 

Usually hesitation is driven by fear or doubt.

Is there something you are afraid of??????

Are you doubting your journey what you have learned or where you are at????

Sounds like you are ready to check out of the hotel room but before you go you want to make sure that you did not forget anything.

Check the drawers

Check the shower

Look under the bed

Did I get everything?

Check the drawers, oh wait I did that already……….

Or did I?????

Take your time Grit, go ahead and check the drawers again.

Happy Little Friday Brother…..

Cheers

~C

True, how do you feel after the correspondence with your wife?

Let that be your guide for any future interaction. If you feel like you got that out, and she heard you, then it's all good.

But if you feel that you were saying things you've said before, maybe in a different way, and she wasnt listening or taking it in, then, maybe not so much, ya know?

Listen, I know that often times we think in our heart that we are ready to really and truly move forward, but, we just try one more thing, one more time.

I kinda agree with MHL.

I think you had a little expectation.

So, take a little time. Look at it all with a fresh eye.

I think she is letting you know by not really responding that she isnt ready yet.

It's really in your hands.

(((hugs))) my friend.

Hey Gritter. I am certainly in no place to give you advice or comment on your most recent contact with your W. I just want to check in and let you know that even though I haven't been with you since the beginning, I feel like I have. I have read your sitch from the beginning. And you have been an inspiration to me. Thank you so much for everything that you have offered to me and everyone else here. You are truly an asset to this board... regardless of your own personal choices in the near, or far, future.

BITS
Denver

MHL just so we're clear....Moose Whisperer... not hunter. I'm not a killer, these are my pets and my friends. LOL



Glad you are in a good place friend.....nice post.

I feel relieved. Curiously relieved. I did not and do not have any reservations about what I said to her.

All of it is how I feel and how I see things.

She can do with it what she will.

It was clear to me at least that she is still absorbed in herself.

She is avoiding conversation with me because I think she knows what is coming.



I know what my hesitation is.

I believe she has the ability to understand and make the right choice for herself. She is NOT doing that right now because of her crisis and the trauma of her childhood.

This is my second M. I left my first because of my exW's repeated infidelity choices.

IT WAS THE SINGLE MOST TRAUMATIC EVENT IN MY LIFE UP TILL NOW

My exW I believe regrets it terribly. As I have reported here she has made repeated attempts to engage me. The last as recent as several weeks ago which I didn't even report here.

REGRET

It is very painful.

I know my W will have it and probably has some already if I believe what she says.

Painting me as the bad guy, the perpatrator, is easier than dealing with her own shortcomings.

BUT comes a day when she WILL see it for what it is. If it happens and I have moved on? I don't wish that pain on any one.

Two lives and wives in my wake. When does that end?

What I realize is I can't save her from that.

I can't sacrifice my life and myself to save her from that day.

So yes. Frustration. Trepidation.

I want to move forward with my life and that means sharing it with someone.

It is that time for me.

Dear True,

If you have read my thread lately, you know that I am divorced as of Wednesday. Until two weeks before the courtdate, I was still very trepidicious. I asked God, "Is this really what you want for me/him? Is there anyother way? I believe I received my answer in short order, with a rant from XH.

I prayed to God that I got the memo ( LOL) and that I bowed to his wisdom that it was his will that I STHU and GTHO of the way.

I do feel pretty much my old self, although still on hold as far as the judge's decision re: settlement. But,

I cry every morning and every night. Not chest racking sobs, but tears of remorse and pain. I pray to God that he continues to watch over us and especially my XH, who is indeed in need of help, and to prideful to ever accept the truth.

I read in your thread that you have come to this crossroad of decision. Is standing helping or hindering? And in light of this, WHAT IS BEST FOR YOUR OWN MENTAL/PHYSICAL WELLBEING? Is sacrificing yourself going to improve W's situation or thought process? Apparently not, or she would have responded by now. I do not know you personally, but believe I speak for everyone here that you seem a thoughtful, intelligent, caring person. I could be wrong; so did Ted Bundy.

I don't think I am, though. I think you've reached that crossroad I spoke of, causing a spiritual questioning of "What do I do now?" You go on, True. One day at a time, with God in the lead. You spoke of two wifes/marriages in your life's wake. I now have three. But I have wonderful friends, wonderful children and grandchildren, and a life I'm not to awfully embarassed by to look back at.

Life's not a score board, you know. I truly don't believe that someone gets to the gates of Heaven and has to account for why he has X amount of broken marriages. God already knows.

I'm rambling, I apologize. I just sense you are feeling lost and confused about which path to follow, and I know that feeling. Let God choose.

Luv ya,

Becca

I guess I should turn in my PETA card……….Venison steaks at my house tonight!!!! Wooo hooo!!


Sooooo, you wait for her to wake up and let’s say that we have a crystal ball and know that she is going to wake up tomorrow………

She wakes up, wants to reconcile, you are willing, you guys give it a try…………

Is her pain any less if she wakes up and is married still????

Is her pain any more if she wakes up and is divorced????

Is her pain your responsibility?????


I don’t wish it on anyone either, and it is painful for me to watch someone else bring it on themselves.

However……

Her choices, her consequences, her feelings, her issues (even the PTSD and other stuff)

YOU cannot bear her CROSS for HER…….. ( Only HE can, and HE did )

You quote from 1 Corinthians 13 for your title. My voice quivers when I read it aloud, and it usually brings a tear to my eye, so I know it well as do most who come here seeking to restore their marriages.

The part for me that I cling to is ”Love never Fails,….” 1Corinthians 13:8

Has Love failed if we choose divorce????

I think NOT.

How can this be the truth in the case of divorce?

I did not have to stop Loving my XW in order to divorce her, the divorce was for me.

It is not a measure of my Love for my XW.

The Love for her is still there, I am learning to LIVE with that reality even as I am falling in Love with another woman.

I did the VERY best I could for my marriage, the last 2 years of my life are a SHINNING TESTIMONY to the LOVE for my XW.

Grit, your TIME, your PAIN, your JOURNEY are a SHINNING TESTIMONY to the Love you have for your Wife.

That kind of Love does not end when a Judge signs a piece of paper.

My Prayers are with you as you choose your path.

Cheers

~C

A'yup.......

Someone sticky that!!!!!!!!!!

Well said Punkin!!!!