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that's good.

It did 25. Thanks.

last hijack 2step. I promise.

BITS
Denver

At this point, it's not about you worrying about burning bridges. You are polite, you let her be involved in D's life, you don't act maliciously or in retaliation at her.

That's more than enough to not burn bridges. She D'd you. She has no right to expect anything from you. (Obviously that doesn't mean she might not expect things from you, but realistically she shouldn't)

If she wants you, she will come to you.

Just look at what you wrote about the end of your first M! WHEN YOU STARTED DATING SHE STARTED CHASING YOU. That is absolutely classic behavior, especially with an OP involved.

This one isn't that much different, except she is still placating your with words, trying to keep you as plan B.

You only think it is confusing because you are focusing on what she is saying. Take a step back and look at the big picture. Look at her actions. One of the basic rules of DBing is believe none of what they say and only half of what they do.

Start wading out.

This is such an interesting comment to me. If we weren't on this site how would your advice change?

I am going post more tomorrow just wanted to pick that one statement out and go to bed.

Holy Smokes Michelle you are the third person to tell me this, would it surprise you that the other were also women? Prob not.

25, Cat, and you have been driving this home for a few days now. Such a simple concept really, but it absolutely comes down to actions and not words. While she appears to struggle she continues to move forward.

Very Well..........

My objective is clear.........

To be honest with you I am not sure why I am still swimming in circles here. The outcome is very clear.

Why do I look over my shoulder?

I have no idea!

Actions speak louder than words.

I wonder if I'm in love, not with X, but with the IDEA of being in love.

I imagine that answer will come with time.

The irony of having to let go of someone you love is that it takes a lot of love to be able let go of someone.

Problems occur when I avoid the grieving process and try to cling to something that has died. At the very least, the inability to let go will keep me stuck in the past and I won't really be living my life. It is natural to grieve for a period and just as natural to eventually let go. When that will happen is anybody's guess. I wish I knew!!!

In order to fully accept my divorce and move on, I need to understand what happened and acknowledging the part I played. It’s important to understand how the choices I made affected the relationship. Learning from my mistakes is the key to not repeating them.

I believe I have done this and it still carries A LOT of guilt!

I am happy because I am growing daily and I honestly don't know where the limit lies. To be certain, every day there can be a revelation or a new discovery. I treasure the memory of the past misfortunes. It has added more to my bank of fortitude.

Going forward I will cut back the contact quite a bit although right now I don't call at all or reach out to her in anyway.

I believe the only way for me to heal is to move in the opposite direction.

My inability to heal and accept the end lies in my constant contact and allowing myself to pay more attention to her words than I do her actions.

I must add that even as I type this and knowing full well what I haev to do I walk around with a big hole in my heart all the time and I am still learning how to deal with it.

It is a constant emptiness even when I smile and not smiling.

The sadness is hard to deal with.

Hang in there 2step. Keep the dance alive and you will succeed one way or another. Never forget that you are a very likeable perosn that cares about people. Anyone that can give such great advice while in so much pain is somebody I would be proud to call friend.

As i mentioned in my post, She is not done with you. I just hope that she will be lucky enough to still have you there when she wakes up from her fog.

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We all know what you mean. But remember, this sadness is from looking back.

Look forward. See that? Your future. It can be anything you want it to be. Make it happen.

There comes a time when we need to accept the reality that we have to let the dream go, is not easy, especially when you have put so much time and dedication into it.


There is a fine line between reaching out for what we think we want in our life and fighting with our heart to make it happen. Not everything we want is meant to be.

I know well how we contemplate what evolves right in front of us which let us know it is not going to work out and yet we keep justifying everything in order to continue on. Other times we think that it will change but the reality is that just like the mule decides that is not moving anymore so it is sometimes with our situations, we are stuck and that’s just the way it is; unless we dismount and decide to walk or get on another animal we are not going anywhere.

I’m not advocating to give up too quick and easily because there are times when we need to work around a situation in order to make it work but there are times when you know deep inside it is over.

One thing I need to learn personally is to take with me all the positive I received from a situation even if it didn’t work out. There is always something good. Instead of focusing on the negative I need to keep looking at the little nuggets of wisdom I managed to dig out in the journey. Then I need to learn to push the negative far away from my mind and heart, holding on to it will only spoil the next situation I will need to deal with in my life. Trust me, this last one is easier said than done.

So you see Country, it is not looking back, it is accepting.

Well said two step. How old are you anyway. You see things from a positive perspective.

Man I hope things work out for you.

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