My W just left the house to go for a drive. I just happened to still be up and brushing my teeth. I just calmly asked her if everything was OK. She was a real mess! She was crying heavily. I'll have to say it was contageous. This weekend has really gotten to her! I am feeling her pain right now. I wish there was something I could do.
She said something about worrying about the dog, about the finances, and then later she was worrying if was going to be OK, if she was going to be OK, and if our S was going to be OK.
I don't know if she's breaking or whether she is going to find renewed WAW strength.
Started off my day with a 4.5 mile hike in the rain. Went to church this morning with my S. From there went to my Mom's. The drive was pretty hard. I know I'm supposed to detach, but I was really feeling my W's pain from our conversation a week ago. There were a lot of tears on the way up there. I was also very sad about the fate of the dog. Finally shook it off after being at my Mom's for about an hour. Actually had a little time to discuss it. My S got some presents from my Mom. He and I went to a park and passed his new frisbee and flew his new plane. There was sadness there, too, because I think I'm realizing that after my W moves out, I won't have the liberty of spending every weekend with him.
I am still trying to figure out what to make of my W's meltdown last night. I am trying to keep myself under control. Could all of this actually be getting to her to the point where would re-consider her decision to leave and work on the M? I think at this point I am putting the cart before the horse. I am just trying to keep an even keel, go with the flow and look for the positives, at least the best I can.
All of this being said she did tell me last night before all of this blew up that she has a meeting with the atty on Tuesday of this week to start working on the settlement paperwork.
I was able to work in a bike ride this morning before work between rain showers. Helped me do a little bit of thinking...
I guess she's pulling back some. My W was doing a lot better tonight. My softball game was cancelled due to weather. Dangit! My GAL is constantly being hampered by the weather!
I ended up going to Cub Scouts with my W and S. My W and I sat together but she made a point of pulling her to the left away from me. Whatever. I'm not going to let it affect me.
Her move date is looming. My S wants to go camping with the pack. The morning after the camp out is the same day my W plans to move. She told me the other night she assumed I may help move, but she didn't want to ask me. Well, she just asked me right there didn't she? It turns out she doesn't want to wait until the afternoon for my help. I think that is perfectly fine with me. I am not sure I even want to be home when she moves.
Feeling slightly anxious today. My W is going for a "personality test" as a precursor to an interview today. She is meeting with the atty later today. I wish she'd not do it and say she did.
My W did pull back last night after her meltdown on Sunday night. I knew it was coming, I just wish it didn't have to be that way.
The move date for my W is one day closer now. I am trying to prepare for it mentally as best as I can. I don't think I'll ever really be ready.
I am feeling the need to read DR for the third time now. I am currently working through finishing up 5LL.
Planning on getting together tonight with my W to discuss interim finances.
Just a random thought: It seems like my W was rejected the current R as it stands and has chosen one of two roads. Both roads are paved with pain.
The first road is work through the pain and issues. In this case the pain is intense and it involves two people - my W and me. Everyone else is impacted minimally.
The second road is the one she's chosen and it's to D. In this case, the pain is potentially less intense but it involves many more people, including my S, and spreads to other people in the family.
With the first road, there is relief at the end. With the second road there, the goal is escape.
The sad thing is with a D, everybody gets hurt, and the pain never really goes away.
Came home from work today and my W was very upset. She went to see the atty today. We were supposed to talk finances tonight anyway. She ended up laying down, not feeling well. I cut the grass and ran 3 mi. I can only wonder what's going on...
We never did talk last night. Once she laid down it was lights out. I am working from home today and she's home. However, I am keeping my distance. She needs to feel some of these emotions. I don't what she's feeling right now. Is it disappointment that the L told her she probably shouldn't move out? Does she not like her decision as much anymore? Who knows?
I think I just need to concentrate on detaching today.
Whatever we end up talking about, I will NOT feel like a victim.
