Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Divorce final today......

Better yet, try to stop worrying. Tough call, I know, but if worrying only makes you think of him, swerve in another direction. Besides, worrying is like sitting in a rocking chair. Doesn't get you anywhere, but gives you something to do.

Hugs Irma. I like how you said God is still in the business of making miracles happen today. You have read my recent post and those are miracles I have witnessed.

1. Casting out demons and h comes home
2. God healing me from the inside out
3. God finally restoring our marriage with turn of events

You need to move on when you feel the peace to do so. I waited so long and never filed. I never had a peace about doing so and it wasn't what I really wanted. Now I know why God didn't have me rush into a divorce.

Keep your love focused on God and he too will bring you through this situation as well.

I never filed either he did.....I cant believe it has been so long since he left, and I have healing in my heart but I am sad over our marriage being over.
I prayed and prayed for him not to and it took him 4 yrs to do so.

I always had hope that as long as we werent div. God would have divine inervention and return him to his family.But he is SO different I dont know him anymore....
In some ways tho, when he came before our court date I saw some of my old husband,but he was very reserved with me ,like he was nervous,scared,uncomfortable.

We even embraced s few times but only when I hugged him first.
He said he would always love me and I guess I will to.

But he was a mean MLC'ER at first saying some hurtful things when he first left, but he lived 900 miles away so we never had any contact I think that helped me in a very good way,learned to detach and gave my heart time to heal.

I too pray for his salvation now more than anything and I also pray for her for she has been blinded as well.

I have forgiven them both and he knows that and he also knows he can always come home.

I know they plan to marry soon if not already but God is with me, I always used to be envious of all LBS in here who had daily contact with their WAS but I thank God now that he wasn't , in the back of my mind I thought that if he were here ,I could somehow win him back.

Now I am a better person for going thru this Snodderly says that they will call when they need something and she is right...I thought he didnt remember my cell but when he called the other night I was very surprised to get a call from him....

I know that we have been given the power to cast out demons but that is something I dont want to mess with.I am a child of God but I dont know if my faith is that strong to do that, good for you that you were confident enough to do so.I will ask God for his direction ....
To all the mommies in here HAPPY MOTHER'S DAY....

IRMA

I haven't posted in a very long time, but I feel the need to do so today.
My 40yr. old daughter is on her own MLC, all the usual signs.
She is so out there, I cant reach her, but I kow that from my own journey.She has 5 kids,1 of them 17 and twins that just turned 14.
There are in a bunch of hurt.I see my husband in her all over again.Her husband has moved on tho,he still loves her but he thinks he will never be able to trust her again.But what hurts the most is how my granddaughters are hurting.They have lost all respect for her.
So sad she cant see the harm she is doing.....I see it in their eyes and they sigh so deeply when they are here with me.
I try to tell them she is on a journey, that one day when she grows up again she will realize all she has done, I tell them to lover her no mater what she is doing, that is all we can do for her......but mostly to pray for her.
I am so sad because I wonder if what I did in her young life somehow affect her into a MLC.I was a good mom,I was 21 when I was a WAS... now I wonder if that event in her life got her to where she is now......
God is still in control but I sure do feel beat up tonight...we had a big fight told her I felt like she was taking advantage of me.....I feed them, house them,am there for them, but I get tired and have my own 17 yr old to worry about. but I cant just let my granddaughters go with out, but it is a big burden financially for me.....
She has turned into an 18yr old all over again...clothes ...car...promiscuity.....
thanks for listening...I dont have many friends I can turn to....my mom is here but not here...she has ahlziemers and cant remember from one minute to the next on things we talked about....
But I thank God she is still here,she is 87yrs. old I love her dearly but I miss my mom....
Just writing here has given me some sort of relief.....
As far as my XH he has contact occasionally with the children...but as far as I am concerned I dont exist to him....but I am good......Irma

Irma first of all ((((((HUGS))))))

I can so relate to your post as my father just turned 86 and is slowly dying from a parkinson's like disease.

He is not longer there for me and the pain that we are enduring.
We are now in our late 50's and have become the parents to our parents.
And the parents to our children and grandchildren.
It is a tough spot and hard to not try to FIX it.

Do the best you can and give the support that you can give.

Try to let the rest of it go.

I do truly understand how you feel. :):)

Just journaling haven't done so in a very long time...I am doing very well no more crying or feelings of worthlessness....I am a different person than I was when I first came here, this has been a lifeline for me, so many of us have been here for a while...I never thought I would get to this point in my life God had been good,merciful,and has been my provider since my ex has been gone from my life,our lives, which include children, grand children, and great grandchldren.

He was actually here for Christmas this yr. 1st time in 4yrs.since he left.He came over and spent an entire day here with us on Xmas eve and including Christmas.
I must say I was exhausted after he left, kinda glad he did, felt like I could relax once he did leave...he seemed like the old husband we even kidded around about some of the old days and talked about things we did, places we went....O/W was left at home because she had to work...Snodderly says these O/W are damsels in distress, and she is right,she kept calling for stupid stuff ,like were there any stores open on xmas,where was a certain thing at home she couldnt find, and all these calls made while I was with him...like she had to make sure he would pick up her call..he sounds like he is very much in love with her I just want his happiness,obvious I didnt make him happy.

Maybe because I was always the one in charge when he was home...it felt weird to be in the same car with him driving going to see relatives and visitng with them.....he seemed so glad to be here with us with his kids and the grandkids...they were happy to seem him too.

These O/W are so needy their knight in shining armour had to be some one else's husband tho.
But he is her cross to bear I bet she wonders if she can truly ever really trust him, after all he cheated on his wife...abandoned his own family to fend for themselves.....

I am still a stander tho....in it for the long haul maybe one day I wont be, but I like me now I am a better person...able to take care of me and my daughter and knowing that I can make it without him....

But yea I was glad he left and sad because he did....go figure...
I hope and pray everyone had a Merry Christmas and I pray we all have a Happy wonderful and prosperous New Yr.

To those in here that are new...
IT WILL GET BETTER BUT YOU HAVE TO MAKE IT GET BETTER....for me it was N/C only in extreme emergencies.....now it wont be easy but it can and will happen...just Trust in the Lord with all your heart and with all your soul and with all your might and he will see you thru those days when you just want to end it all, to stop the pain that seems unbearable I know the pain. the hopelessness,
hoe you doing something will make him hurt like he hurt you...at this point in their lives they could care less....

Take care of yourself for you have to change to....and it will be for the better....WITH GOD ALL THINGS ARE POSSIBLE.....
MUCH LOVE AND HAPPINES TO YOU ALL Irma

Irma, glad you are doing well, haven't heard from you in awhile. Glad you had a nice holiday. If you are continuing to stand, consider some changes. Don't let him think it would be easy for him to come back i.e. "you can come back anytime" Having a picture of the 2 of you on your facebook profile, things of that nature. I'm not saying these things to be mean, I'm trying to show you some things to change, because they have not worked for you. Remember, we will not check on something we know will be there... Do you understand what I mean? Do some things and see what happens.... What do you have to lose? Next time he wants to come over, tell him no, I have plans..... Time to roll the dice a bit Irma.

Wait til HE needs something. She will disappear like water down the drain.

Just journaling today.......why do these men think they can just walk all over their children?????? Ex called our daughter to let her now he was coming to see her today....he called her on Monday and now she texts me saying her dad isnt coming...

She was really upset... then she texts... oh well I dont care anymore!!....HE has done this to her I had to take her to see a Dr due to her always being tired and she was diagnosed being depressed....she confided in her Dr many thoughts that have gone thru her mind since her dad left Dr asked her if it was ok for her to let me know and she agreed for her to tell me...
She told her she thought of cutting herself many times but never went thru with it...

How can a man do this????? It's hard to see and hear things like these that your child is having these thoughts...right now I really hate him for what my daughter has gone thru wityhout me even knowing the extent of how much this has affected her.
She is a beautiful,talented,caring young woman who will turn 18 in Sept.
I hope this doesnt affect how she deals with relationships in her future.... can only imagine how she must feel....I dont care what you have done to me but when it comes to my children that is a different story.....I am so pissed right now....