Divorcebusting.com Forums Divorcebusting.com Archives Surviving the Big D Archives A thread is born!

I loved watching Dick Van Dyke - in his tv show and also in Mary Poppins. When I learned of his alcoholism - it was a turnoff. I remember Mary Tyler Moore telling of his tripping over the living room stool (in the opening of every show) happening because of his drinking - but they decided to leave it in.

I guess I'm not surprised to learn of his affair. But sad too. It is a shame that people don't take their vows seriously. I know that my ex and I had discussed it at length before we married and YES - even at age 20 I made it very clear to him that infidelity was a definite deal breaker. No second chances. I even surprised myself 25 years later by giving him opportunities to work on the marriage and offered up forgiveness.

Disposable marriages. I guess that is what 50% of married folks got.

Barb

What I get from Dick's experience is that even good people are susceptible to the lure of the OP. Marriage is so much different than spending time with a good friend. All the day to day stuff isn't there, it's so easy to feel "this person understands me". As human beings we are so able to twist things into what we want them to be. I know of one person, a dedicated Christian, who told his wife "God has big plans for me and they don't include you" Wow. I remember somebody else who said "I talked to God about it and he said it was OK" OMG! People tend to go towards what is easy, what "feels" right. We are always told in our society to go with what feels right inside. I don't think that's always a good thing! I've had lots of feelings in the past that "felt right" but in hindsight am damn glad I never acted on them.
To Dick's credit he was man enough to go to his wife and tell her and take the consequences but he did nothing to try and save the M. I guess, he was too busy enjoying the endorphin rush! Btw, being a reformed alcoholic myself I was thrilled to hear Dick had a problem and did something about it, granted it took him a lot of years. Alcoholism is a mean disease and I know myself whenever I'm tempted I think about my kids and what I could be throwing away and I don't do it! I haven't touched a drink in probably 28 years. Could I drink again? I dunno and I don't care, it's too big a risk with absolutely nothing to gain.

You can never really tell what goes on in the other person's mind. My STBXW went from being a Sunday school teacher -- with me -- to not going to church other than Easter or Christmas since we split up.

I can only guess that she doesn't want to hear the message that divorce is bad or be sitting alone or with her mother amongst all the couples.

Mine blames me for her loss of faith, go figure!

Hi Wii,

Congrats to you on your sobriety! I did not realize that Dick had overcome his addiction. My ex is still in denial about his alcoholism. It was easier to leave when I insisted he not drink than to go be with someone else who knew he had a problem but let him do his own thing.

Barb

Thanks, I'll drink to that! LOL

I've been re-reading a book "Seeking Enlightenment Hat Hat" by Nevada Barr, known as the mystery writer. I love some of her observations in this book:

On Relationships:
"It takes two to enter into a relationship. In not knowing myself, my own feelings, needs and wants, there's no way for me to relate. There is no integral 'me' to begin the process. Others are left not relating to a whole person but to a scattered collection of aphorisms, worries and words that don't add up to much"

On Stillness:
"Much of my life has been spent in a waking dream, my mind full of yesterday's and tomorrow's while I slept through today"

On Justification:

"Justification requires words. One of the best ways to test if you are indeed justifying an inferior act is to stop talking. If the deed can stand alone in silence, it's probably OK"

Anyway, it's a book I enjoy re-reading from time to time. Lots of good stuff in there.

Hey Wii, hope things are good in your world! How's your turtle? are you at least gonna find him a girlfriend or are you keeping him womanless too? And in case you're wondering, I am talking about the turtle!

Hey IR, we've got a hamster now too. It's getting a little too crowded in the Whatis abode for a woman! I'm doing my thing and carrying on. It's been two months since my Dad passed away and I'm still trying to recover from the months and months of watching someone I loved dearly (and still do) be taken by terminal cancer. It ain't pretty! Anyway, I hope all is well with you. You sound like you're doing well from what I've read in other posts. Thanks for dropping by and take care.

Hey Wii, so sorry to hear of your dad's passing. I can imagine what it feels like to lose someone you loved dearly. From everything you've shared of him here he was a great guy with a great sense of humor and great values. He lived his life to the fullest and is in a peaceful place now, we'll all be there when our time comes but until then I hope to live my life without anymore regrets. How's your family healing from it? I remembered your W and you were starting to reconnect slowly, is that still the case?