Divorcebusting.com Forums Open Forums Midlife Crisis Unwavering hostility

This is so true:



I don't knoow if you have seen my sitch but my W is MLC.

She actually made the comment to me: "I don't understand why everyone is taking your side. I haven't done anything. I just decided to leave."

She can't or won't see the damage she has done.

Tad

Niether does mine. Not an effin' clue.
Then he has the nerve to say I don't want to hurt you?!

They cannot see why they are being treated as outsiders by their children because they cannot visualize and acknowledge the pain they have caused to their children and their families as a whole.

This statement epitomizes my entire situation. I question whether any of us will ever truly recover.

They cannot see why they are being treated as outsiders by their children because they cannot visualize and acknowledge the pain they have caused to their children and their families as a whole.

This is so true. Still hard to believe stbxw cant see this. S19 has nothing to do with W. Wont even speak to her anymore. She gets so angry and asks me why is he being so childish. Truth is, at 19 he is more mature than his 45 yr old mom. To a WAS its only their feelings that matter.

Exactly. My S18 still will not have anything to do with her. She of course can't see why.

Amazing.

Beatrice,

First off, I just want to thank you so much for checking in on my thread, and for your thoughts and concern.

I have found that my Dog is even afaid of my H. He is just too loud when he is drunk, and my dog hates loud noises. So when ever my H would Finally pull in the drive way home from the bars these past few months, my Dog actually has started to go to the farthest back closest in our house and hides. She used to greet him at the door. Funny, ha - even the Dog can sense his hostilaty.

With that said though, I feel bad you have to deal with that meaness. Its like he's still a teenager being rotten and mean. Stay as far away from it as possible. As a health teacher for many years, I would teach my students that when people are rotten and mean to you or pick on you, etc... it is usually because they are so insecure of themselves, and/or jealous of you. Just remember every time he points the finger at you there are 4 fingers pointing right back at him.
Thanks again,
TIPPER

Yes, hostile and mean people are not happy! As to them not 'getting' why their children [and even their dog] no longer want to spend time with them. I think this changes slightly over time. Initially, like tad, and others, they are brash and entitled. The depression has apparently lifeted, and they are on a sort of high. They really expect the world to see things as they do, and are angry and I think even puzzled that they don't. The MLC high often seems like a drug high - they are truly in their own world, and own reality and morality.

Later, as reality sets in, and this takes a long time in most cases, they start sense a little that what they have done has been hurtful, but still justified to them. They sometimes try and makes amends, or build bridges, and convince themselves that all is well with their relationships with friends and family. It isn't of course, but the MLCer has something like a wall of glass bricks surrounding them, protecting them from any empathetic feelings. They are untouchable behind their wall of bricks. You can see them, and even shout messages through, but nothng touches them, much. And there they stay, cut off from all those they love and who love them.

Many of them drink heavily, prior to and during MLC, others get high on the OW, and the new and exciting lifestyle. You cannot engage with them, because they need to find thei rown answers. Damaged and damaging, as my xh once said in a rare moment of insight.